How to stop the worrying?

I know the worrying starts now and doesn't end until you die, but man, this is getting a bit much. I find myself completely preoccupied with worry that baby won't turn on her own. No, it really shouldn't matter, but I am beginning to feel like I'm broken somehow because my baby is still breech. I know myself and know I will feel like a complete failure if I have to deliver her via C-section. Yes, it's easy to say that I shouldn't feel that way...but I do and can't really help it.

On Friday I found a list of 17 things to try to turn a breech baby. I've already tried 1, 4, 5, 7, 10, 11, and 12. I might try going swimming after work tomorrow. It seems ridiculous that I'm this preoccupied with this, but I am. I can't stop thinking about how each of my actions is impacting the direction baby is turned. Part of me thinks that the fact that I sit so much at work has given her less room to turn. My two closest coworkers also had breech babies.

I will be headed to the doctor on Tuesday and will ask her to try to figure out if she's turned at that point. I doubt she has since everyone says I'll know when she does, but I just can't determine which body part is which in there (when I can feel body parts at all). I just don't want to wait until it's too late. I'm hoping she'll whip out the u/s machine to take a quick peek in there.

I guess this is just the type of thing where I need to try to relax and let happen what will happen. I don't know that I can *really* do anything about her being breech at this point anyway. It still doesn't seem to happen. Remember WAY back last fall when I was trying to figure out how to relax and not allow TTC to take over my life? Now it's my breech baby taking over my thoughts.

Childbirth Class

Had a really good experience Friday evening and Saturday morning at childbirth class! We learned about different breathing techniques, the various stages of labor, as well as different details about our specific hospital. We met some great people and generally had a good time. Of course I came home a bit frustrated that baby is still breech and we may not get to go through an actual labor, but I'm trying the power of positive thinking (as well as some other techniques) that she'll turn on her own. She's been very active recently, so I'm hoping she's gearing up for trying to turn.

All in all, though, I'm really glad we went and think both DH and I got some good information out of it. Worth both the time and money :)

Hormones? What Hormones?

Many of my friends have told me about crying randomly throughout their pregnancy and I was relieved to realize that I hadn't experienced that side effect (nor others that I'm not going to mention here for fear of jinxing myself). Apparently, however, my body was just lying in wait to attack here in the last 8 weeks. Since this past weekend, I have cried for at least 10 minutes every single day (many times more than that). Last night my trigger was when DH offered to hold up my belly for me to take some weight off my back.

I know much of it is the stress and worry about delivery and caring for an infant, so it's easy to write most of it off...but I can honestly say I officially blame some of it on hormones as well! Seriously. Who cries because their husband offers to do something sweet? Apparently this pregnant lady does!

Reassurance

I'm surrounded by people who love me and have given me a lot of reassurance. You, my blog readers, responded nicely to my spastic post, my friends on a message board I belong to reassured me that everything I was feeling was completely normal. I love you all and appreciate it all more than words can say.

Then, last night the DH said the sweetest thing to me. To paraphrase:

It doesn't matter which direction the baby is turned. It doesn't matter
what your belly looks like. It doesn't matter if you're able to
breastfeed. As long as this baby is healthy, we're going to be just
fine. And you're meant to be a mommy. You're just wired that
way. As soon as that baby comes, all those instincts will kick in.
But I'll be here to give you the support you need, whether it's helping you keep
trying to breastfeed and reminding you why it's important or giving you the
strength to quit when it gets to be too hard. I'll be there to hold your
boob [his word, not mine] in the middle of the night while you're feeding or
I'll be there to just stroke your hair and tell you that you're doing just fine.

I love that man.

Complete Ball of Stress

I have no idea what's wrong with me, but I just cannot de-stress right now. I consistently feel on the verge of a breakdown. I guess I'm stressed about work and getting everything done in time around there and then also everything baby-related weighing down on me. It sounds ridiculous when I think about it--I should be relaxing as much as possible, but all I keep thinking about is her being breech, how delivery is going to happen, what my body is doing...and all the things that need done around the house over the next 8 weeks.

Eight weeks. It just keeps ringing in my head. I can't believe that's all the time we have left to prepare for this baby. And in eight weeks we're going to be responsible for this little life for the rest of our lives.

I'm weepy. It might be the hormones or it might be the stress, but over the last week, I've found myself crying a lot. At least it doesn't seem to be at nothing. For instance, we watched a movie yesterday and I sobbed through the last 15 minutes of it and then still for the next 45 minutes or so. I also woke up sobbing after a bad dream around 5:00 this morning. I can still feel the effects of that.

Speaking of dreams, I had 3 strange ones last night. The first was that I got tired of waiting for Baby to turn head-down, so I took matters into my own hands and turned her from the outside. The second she got head down, though, she fell out. And then DH decided to name her Faith, which isn't a name we've ever talked about. Weird.

Then the next was that my dad died. Awful. There were lots of weird things in the dream, but the worst was just waking up sobbing with tears streaming down my face.

The last one was just odd. Hanging out with people I knew from college and one of them cut my hair accidentally. That was about the extent of it.

I guess I'm officially pregnant if I'm having these crazy dreams, right? lol

I can't say life is all tears, though. DH and I were singing to the baby (we do this nightly) and we started singing Old MacDonald (a new addition to our repertoire). We had made it through chickens and pigs and were singing about cows. DH was in charge of the animal decisions and noises, while I sang the content. Anyway, he did something, I responded, we laughed....and laughed....I think we were both crying for about 10 minutes from laughing so hard. It was fabulous. No one can EVER say we don't have fun together.

I guess the purpose of this post is just to say that I'm a total ball of emotions. I'm a mess...but more overcome with stress than anything else right now and, honestly, not handling it well. I can't focus on much of anything but this baby--I'm going to be terribly useless for the next 2 months, I have a feeling.

Six unimportant things that make me happy!

I've been tagged by Emily to list six unimportant things that make me happy. I try to find joy in the little things, but have been slacking on that recently. This is a great time to get back to it!

1) Feeling a human being squiriming around inside of me (even when it hurts).

2) Getting a great deal on something (anything!)

3) Getting mail

4) Cake and ice cream

5) Soft pretzels

6) Playing with a kitty (we won't ever be able to have any, so I love when I get the chance to play with one!)

I'm going to name one more... 7) Getting comments on my blog! lol

And now I get to tag 4 people:

Mandy

Mrs. Hammer

Andrea C.

Cassie

Sisterhood Award

One of my bloggy friends, Mrs. Hammer, gave me a Sisterhood Award! I've been following her journey since she commented on my blog probably close to a year ago now. I feel very honored to have received this award! I hope you'll go give her some support or at least some happy thoughts and prayers as she continues down this journey to becoming a mommy.

The guidelines for this award are:
1. Put the logo on your blog or post.
2. Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post. L
3. Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.
4. Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award.

My nominees are:

Sarah at TBDBITL-OT

Julie at 47 and Starting Over

Fall Down Seven at Get Up Eight

Kristen at The Road Less Traveled

Jennifer at Jennifer Lehner Photography

tbonegrl at The Adventures of Tader Baby

Simi at Welcome to Insanity

Andrea at Holdin' Mamas Hand

Brooke at Victuals & Libations

Manday at Life Without Dragons

There are probably others, but since we all sort of know the same circle of people (for the most part), I didn't want to hog everyone :) Thanks, ladies, for all that you do!

Belly Pics

Here is a link to my Shutterfly share site: http://bouncingbuckeyebaby.shutterfly.com It contains all the belly pics since the beginning. I don't like that it doesn't include how many weeks along I was when you're viewing the thumbnail, but if you look at the name of the actual picture, you can see how far along I was. The first was 3w5d, for instance.

Enjoy!

Rounding a Corner

I've never understood how women could be in such a big hurry to be done with being pregnant. I've enjoyed almost every day of my pregnancy so far in some way. But I think I'm starting to get it. I've turned a corner where I'm starting to feel the suffocation of my uterus beginning to take over my lung space. As shown in my previous posts, it's getting harder to move around. I find I'm not comfortable sitting unless I'm reclined at least a bit. I went shopping yesterday and found I didn't have nearly the stamina that I have had in the past--I was exhausted and sore after just under 2 hours. Luckily, I was able to recognize this and quit before I felt too awful.

I'm not saying I'm not still loving being pregnant. Feeling this little one squirming around, rolling, and kicking in there is one of the most amazing things I've ever experienced. I love watching DH bond with this little thing in my belly--today he was using my belly button as a megaphone into my uterus. lol I appreciate the fact that I'm well on my way to being a mommy, especially after watching so many of my friends struggle to reach that goal. I'm just saying that I can begin to understand why someone (especially someone who is another 9 weeks further along than I!) might be ready to meet their baby and get him or her out of her tummy.

Free Willy!!!!

Yes, we're getting quite the menagerie...this morning was the first time I felt like a beached whale. It was pathetic. I had the hardest time rolling over to get myself out of bed.

If you look at me, I'm really not all that big still. But somehow this belly is weighing me down!

Picture this. I was on the right side of the bed (when you are in it) laying on my left side. I need to roll over to my right side, sit, then stand up. I had a couple of failed attempts at the rolling over. Then I couldn't get my feet to the floor so I could sit up. DH tried to help by pushing on my butt, but all that accomplished was nearly toppling me out of bed.

Pathetic, I tell you. And I have a feeling this is the beginning of a long couple of months...

One down, many more to go

Yesterday my head was swimming with all the things that need to be done before this baby arrives, so I wrote them all down in an email to DH. He told me that the biggest thing we need to do is sleep. Oh, but then added extra things that need to happen. Of course.

The two biggies were figure out child care and sign up for our maternity classes. We still haven't done anything with child care, which is starting to freak me out, but I'm so overwhelmed by the whole thing that I just keep ignoring it. However, last night we did sign up for three maternity classes. We'll be taking Baby Care Basics and Breastfeeding class at one hospital, then the Childbirth and Maternity Tour at the hospital where we'll deliver.

*sigh* So that's done. Mark one off....only a bunch more to go!!!!

Quack Quack

Yup, it's official....I'm pretty sure I'm waddling on a regular basis.

I had already started waddling when I was tired, but I can feel it even when just moseying down the hallway at work. Ugh.

In other news, I still feel pretty awful. I was doing better yesterday with taking Afrin and Benadryl, but stopped the Afrin today (not supposed to take it for more than 3 days b/c it can be habit-forming) and am feeling fairly yucky. I brought it with me, though, in case I need to break down and use it.

I feel like the only person in the world who is upset it STILL isn't raining!!! It keeps threatening, but nothing has happened...I just need some good rain to wash all this pollen out of the air! Even if my snottiness isn't b/c of allergies, I've got an itchy back and ears, which are typical signs of mine that I've got at least some allergies going on.

I've succumbed

I just went to CVS and bought Benadryl. And Sudafed. And Afrin. (I like options.)

I've made it 29 weeks and 4 days without any medicine besides some Tums. No Tylenol, even through the early-second-trimester headaches. No allergy meds, even though I had been on FOUR before getting pregnant. Nada.

I should be proud. I should feel good about this accomplishment. I do.

So why do I feel like a failure for giving in now?

I should be proud that I've made it this far. I am. But I also feel like a total loser for giving in at this point. Do I really feel *that* bad? I just made it an hour without blowing my nose (not something I was able to do during the day today)--do I *really* need to take some now?

So here I sit, box of Benadryl sitting beside me. Taunting me.

My doctor wouldn't tell me I could take something if it could be harmful to the baby, right? So why am I so leery of putting this into my body?

Okay, I found a slight compromise. The dosage is 1 OR 2 pills. I'll take one. Not taking the max dosage, but still taking some, hoping to get a better night's sleep than last night.

Wish me luck.

So jealous

I'm incredibly jealous of parents who don't have to put their kids in daycare. It seems like I'm surrounded by SO many women who either 1) have family members who can watch their kids full-time or 2) can stay home. I know being a SAHM/WAHM isn't easy work, but I think I would love it and am jealous of those who can do it. Yes, I enjoy my job most of the time, but sometimes I think it would be more rewarding to stay home with my baby, to not miss anything...

There's just no way we could swing one of us staying home. And while that's okay, it still makes me jealous of the people who do make it work or do have family members stay with their child. Both of my coworkers who have little ones (one a little over two and one about 21 months) have a grandma to watch their child. They still pay for it, but it would be so nice to know that someone who loves your baby as much as you do is the one watching it every day.

Making this decision about child care is impossibly hard. I have some friends who have gone through multiple providers in just a year or so. I don't even know where to start looking. I've gotten a list of referrals from Action for Children and am looking through them, but know that checking them out will just mean going with our gut and calling some and asking for references. The possibilities are endless and there are so many ways we could mess this up. I'm scared to make the wrong decision.

I feel yucky

Just need to whine for a second...

Last night DH and I took a walk. Soon after, I started getting drainage and a sore throat. I figured I'd feel better by morning, but, in fact, my throat is even more sore. I'm blaming this all on allergies, so I came to work. I still feel crappy, though. I feel more congested than I have in almost a year and also still have a sore throat, despite the 32 ounces of water, 8 ounces of hot apple cider, and about 12 ounces of water at home that I have drank since I woke up. Yuck.

The best part? I'm not going home until about 6:30 tonight after leaving around 7 this morning. It's a volunteering night, which was the driving force behind my not calling in sick today. I feel bad bailing on volunteering.

It's going to be a really long day...

3D/4D Ultrasound

What a cool experience! We had a great time, even though she (and yes, she's still a she!) was fairly uncooperative. She wanted her hands in front of her face the whole time, which means we get to go back and get more pictures of her later!

She's currently breech, which I don't think is a big deal at this point--I'm only 29 weeks. When we saw her, she had both her legs and arms crammed up against her face. How uncomfortable! Although, I couldn't help but wish I were that flexible. lol

Here's a link to the pictures--the pictures in Blogger aren't in a great format, so I just put them in a place to share so you can take a look:

LINK

Overally, it was a great day and SO neat to be able to see our baby before she's born!

Lots to say....

There are a ton of things on my mind, but I just haven't been able to put it all on here.

I started a blog post about bra shopping and will probably finish that up very soon.

Not particularly looking forward to most of this weekend. We're headed to the ILs tonight through Sunday morning-ish. Then comes the exciting part--our 3D/4D ultrasound! I can't wait to get a good look at the baby. I also can't wait to see where those body parts are...she's always poking me with something, but I don't know what it is! Sometimes I could swear she's either head-butting me or just, well, butting me. It's something round....lol

I generally am okay with going to the ILs, but it will be a full house, which means it will be a loud house. With 12 weekends left for sleeping in (give or take a few), I'm cherishing each one I can get...and this weekend won't be one of them, I don't think. I will also be sitting through a HS show choir concert that will probably last at least 3 hours. I don't sit for long amounts of time well, especially in a high school auditorium. I assume I'll be playing the pregnancy card and going to pee lots of times during the show.

The other thing I'm sort of dreading is that it's supposed to be a nice weekend. If we were going to be home, that would be fine. We'd probably go outside for a fire pit or to eat dinner, but generally just hang out inside the A/C because, well, my allergies don't allow for us to spend much more time than that outside during the spring (or summer...or fall....). Of course, the ILs will probably either have windows open or want to spend every second outside the whole time and no matter how many times I remind them how crappy I feel (I don't sneeze, have runny eyes or nose, etc.--I just get really bad headaches and earaches and get really dizzy from all the fluid backing up in my ears).

I hope everyone has a good weekend! I'll be sure to post pictures from the u/s!!!

Sending Prayers

I've been saying lots and lots of prayers recently for some of my friends. If you pray, would you mind including them on your prayer list?

1) Mrs. Hammer--you can read from her blog that her dad has been going through some health issues and every time it seems they're making progress, they have another setback.

2) A message board friend--she's struggled to get pregnant and a few weeks ago got some great news--they're expecting triplets! Unfortunately, they lost Baby C and appear to be on the way to losing Baby B. Please say prayers for her and her DH and their emotional well-being and for Baby A making it!!!

3) Another message board friend, Emily--her kitty, Pancake, who has been with her through a lot of the trials in her life, is very sick. Please pray for Pancake and for Em (who is also going through some stress with the health situation of a grandfather on top of Pancake--I don't know the status of that right now, so if you'll please include all of them in your prayers, it'd be much appreciated!)

4) One friend who is working very hard to become a mommy. I can't divulge all of the details here, but please keep her in your prayers--these next two weeks are going to be very trying for her!!!

5) All of my other friends who really want to become mommies. I only have an idea of the feelings of heartache that they're experiencing (most have, at this point, been TTC for longer than we had to), but I keep them in my prayers all the time. Feeling this little one bouncing around inside my belly is the best feeling I could imagine and I want all of these friends to be able to experience it for themselves very soon. They'll all be great mommies!!!

Small Things

1) Homemade Rice Kri.spy Treats--made some last night and satisfied a craving I've been having!

2) Virgin margaritas--again, satisfying a craving. It's not quite the same, but it was still delicious!!!

3) Nesting urges--last night I got the urge to organize cupboards, so I got on the floor (DH was outside weeding) and reorganized one cupboard and a set of drawers in the kitchen (this was after making aforementioned treats, baking DH a cake, and doing some general kitchen cleaning)

4) DH's birthday! We got a good dinner this past weekend, are going out tonight for his official birthday to Montgomery Inn, may try to celebrate with others later in the week...AND we've got cake waiting for us at home!

5) Doing yoga--I love to work out, but was scared to in the 1st trimester, wasn't sure what I *could* do indoors during the 2nd trimester (it was cold then!) and now, as I'm heading toward the third trimester, I've found a prenatal yoga video that I like and want to continue to do.

6) Impromptu lunch with a friend yesterday

7) DH encouraging me to read the Bible to Baby. It's actually not really a small thing. I was really religious in high school, but haven't made the effort that I should since then. DH and I were trying to find churches and attended one service, but haven't done anything else since. Monday night he saw my Bible and suggested I read to the Baby. I used the index to find some baby-related verses. Then last night he suggested it again. I read the whole story of Noah and the flood. Now I need to find some other things to read to her!

8) Getting out of work a bit early yesterday--I did some work for my boss on Saturday morning and she told me I could go home an hour early one day because of it, so I chose yesterday. We only left about 45 minutes early and had come in about 20 minutes early already, so I didn't get my full hour, but that's okay--it was still really nice!!!

9) Finding great baby deals online--I got two name-brand carriers yesterday online for $53 shipped (one is Peanut Shell and the other is Active Mom (both of their websites are down or I would include links)). Today I found a nursing cover that is typically $32 and paid only $7 to get it, including $7.95 shipping (fancy, eh?). Of course, if I keep at this rate, we'll have nothing we need to register for...for our four (and a half, I'm guessing...probably a small one at work...and DH might even get a small one at work...) showers!

10) My last 4 week break between doctor's appointments (although I'm not sure this counts with the 3D/4D u/s in the middle!). After next appt at the beginning of June, we'll be going every 2 weeks!

I Passed!!!

(insert happy dance here) I passed! I passed I passed I passed I passed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah. I passed my glucose screening. I was quite nervous about this test, with my mom having diabetes and my overweight status and the fact that I had tested borderline high on fasted glucose tests in the past. The threshold was 134 and I tested at 101 (have tested at 91 before fasting, so I thought this was great with the ultra-sugary drink and my breakfast in my tummy). Woohoo!!!

I passed!!!!!!!!

Anxious

I feel like anxiety rules my life. I had been off and on anxiety medications since my wedding in 2006 until getting pregnant. It originated as a diagnosed eating anxiety disorder and progressed to more become more generalized. The first 6 months of pregnancy I felt pretty great--hardly noticed any anxiety at all. However, recently I've noticed a major increase in the frequency of my anxiety attacks.

Just in the last 24 hours I've felt anxious (to the point of having a tight chest, getting a bit dizzy, etc.) about:

- Sw.ine flu. Yes, I realize this is being overhyped in the media, but working in a building where there are hundreds of college students leaving their germs all over the place doesn't help much with this. If someone here got infected, I believe it could spread really quickly. Hygiene just isn't something they are particularly concerned about. Add into that the fact that I have a diminshed immune system and I'm about to bring a baby into the world whose immune system definitely isn't developed fully....yeah, you could say I'm nervous.

- Worrying about what people think of me. Again, logically I know this isn't something I should worry about. But it is. I still get looks of surprise when I someone finds out I'm pregnant. So if I don't look pregnant, I look fat, right? And then I work on planning things and it doesn't work out the way I want...I take it all pretty personally. In groups I may look like I'm having a great time and am outgoing, but in the back of my mind I'm always worrying what someone is thinking about what I'm saying/doing/eating.

- Car wrecks. I hardly let DH drive anywhere anymore because I need to be in control of my destiny in the car. I get anxious about other drivers being stupid and possibly causing me to get into a wreck (again, because I'm the one that has to protect this baby! I can't imagine how bad it will get once she gets here).

- Work. Luckily, I don't have to worry about having a job, but I do get anxious about just about everything else with work. My boss, my coworkers, my job duties...they all make me very anxious and overwhelmed regularly.

- Safety. Ever since I can remember, I've worried about safety. I used to think someone was going to climb on the roof outside my bedroom and come in and get me. I look in my backseat every time I get in the car. I double-check doors. If I don't have some sort of noise while falling asleep (typically the TV), my mind races about the possibilities and the little noises our house makes. Luckily, DH makes me feel really safe when I need it. :)

- My baby showers. Actually, just one of them. Because of some ugly family history, it's looking like I'm going to be having two separate showers for the two sides of my family. I hate that it's all being brought about again and I feel stuck in the middle. I'm trying not to worry about it too much, as I can't do anything about it, but well, that's sort of what anxiety is....

I don't know why I'm enumerating it all here. Writing it all out does make me feel a bit better, though, so there you go :) No, I won't be seeking treatment or medication just yet. I find that I can typically breathe through most of the anxiety attacks and be okay. I did order a Prenatal Yoga DVD that I hope to receive either today or tomorrow and am hoping that doing that on a regular basis will help me with my relaxation.

99 days?!?!??!!!

You're kidding me. Really? 99 days??? There is no way 99 days is enough time for me/us to be mentally OR physically prepared to have this baby! Yes, we have more done than a lot of people at this point. We have furniture purchased and assembled and DH is painting the nursery today while I'm at a party. We've scheduled a couple of our prenatal classes. We've scheduled 2 of 4 showers. So yeah, when you look at those things...we're ready. But I'm ENJOYING being pregnant, for the most part. I want to stay pregnant for awhile longer (well, once the A/C in our house gets turned on...yesterday was absolutely miserable). Yes, I want to meet this little one, but she can stay in there for awhile longer as far as I'm concerned! When she comes we're truly responsible for this little life (it's a lot easier to keep her healthy, safe, and happy when she's inside me!)...how scary!

My belly button

I've been trying to come up with a cute title for this post, but just couldn't. Basically, my belly button is changing, but not in the way that I thought it would. I thought it would start to poke out first. But no, it's doing this weird stretching thing and is now at least twice as wide as it used to be. I was joking with DH last night that it looks like a mouth. He tried to stick his finger in it and I told him it would eat him. LOL It's creeping me out, but not nearly as much as it would be if it poked outward...so I guess I should count my blessings!!!

Most recent belly pic

To appease Miss Julie....more to come once I figure out a better way to get them into the blog.

Insert Techno Music Here

'Cause last night there was a dance party in my belly! This little girl has been busting a move more and move every day--to the point where I feel like my stomach should be shaking! She also keeps finding new places to hang out in there. One minute she's down pretty low, then the next she's found a new nook up on a side high up. She must be cruising a lot in there--hope she realizes 10 p.m. isn't playtime once she's on the outside.

I never want to forget this feeling. Sometimes I'll be sitting at work and she'll just be bouncing around in there and I stop what I'm concentrating on because, well, who wouldn't?? She just never ceases to amaze me! Right now I'm doing my absolute best to enjoy feeling her in there because I know I'll miss it when she's here.

Small Things

1) Homemade pulled pork (complete with leftovers!)
2) Blue box mac & cheese
3) My DH writing and talking about how much he loves this little baby and how he hopes she has my smile.
4) Texts from DH telling me he misses me, even though we're just at work
5) Knowing that DH is as distracted by all this baby stuff as I am!
6) Having hope for friends who are still struggling to TTC--hope is a powerful thing!
7) A great friend who offered to throw me a friends shower :)
8) Hosting Bunco next month!
9) My grandma who bought me a maternity shirt
10) The weather getting warmer again!

A brilliant solution to a common pregnancy problem

Yesterday was a rough day for both DH's and my olfactory systems. From the time I left work (ie. through shopping at a couple of OSU stores, Half Price Books, riding in the car, grocery shopping...) I couldn't stop it with the nasty, stinky pregnancy gas. It was awful. It got to the point where DH and I were both rolling down windows and running from the area of the store we had previously been in.

However, in the midst of one of those attacks (almost more of a blitzkrieg) in the car, DH came up with a solution. He grabbed my flavored lip balm that was in the console and said, "Here, put this on your upper lip". We both caked it on and rode the rest of the way to the grocery with our lips shoved up toward our noses (picture a fish face...), both of us giggling like maniacs. But it worked...

Making Progress

We're making some good headway toward not being slobs anymore. Our kitchen has officially been clean for almost an entire week. We've done a great job keeping it clean!


We've got an accordion file set up where we can put all papers that will eventually need to go to the filing cabinet. Yesterday I worked on coupons--I set up another accordion file for loose coupons that I can organize by expiration date and then put all of my inserts in order.

My coupons are a total mess, so I'm going to need to work on it more tonight and throughout the week!

We're working on getting caught up with laundry and are making sure with each load to get them put away so we can put the next one away. We will, again, work on getting this done during the evenings this week.

We went through the nursery to see what was in the boxes in there and now have 3 boxes of things to take to Half Price Books. Who knows what we'll get for it, but it will be out of our hair, which is a great feeling!

Our whole first floor is officially clutter-free, which is awesome. Now we'll just work on keeping it that way. Soon our bedroom should be in a good place, too. I'm hoping by the end of the April everything in our house will have its place and then we just need to work on developing good habits.

Thanks for all the great tips, everyone!!!!

I am a slob

Yup, that's right. S.L.O.B. 100% slob. It's in my nature and has always been there. It's officially becoming a real problem, though. DH and I are both tired of it, but with him being a neat freak at heart, it's bugging him even more. We're both lazy and our priorities include spending time together (ie. not cleaning), watching TV, going out with friends, traveling on weekends...basically anything but cleaning. We have grand intentions and will work really hard one weekend to get to the place we want the house to be at. The problem is, we won't finish. We'll leave one pile of things that need put away somewhere, a load of laundry in the dryer, a load of dishes in the dishwasher...something.

We have generated plans to deal with our clutter and bad habits in the past, but with things never getting all the way done, it's really difficult to implement those plans.

We just had a "Come to Jesus" talk about all of it. Of course, we discussed it for about 30 minutes before he had to leave to go to work. And of course I came away from the conversation feeling like it's all my fault. He really is neat at heart and will get motivated to clean much more often than I do. He also takes care of all of our outside work because of my allergies, so he feels like I don't do equal work inside while he's working outside. And I don't. I'll admit it. I'd rather do anything but clean and typically feel like there's something more important. And after our conversation I realized that the things I thought I did to even out the outside work just isn't enough. I go to the grocery (including meal planning) and take care of all of our money. But it isn't enough. I know that.

The point is, we need a plan of action. We're going to take some time off very soon so we can truly get EVERYTHING done and clean and start over. But once that's done, we need a real plan on keeping it that way. So help me, dear readers. Tell me what you do for all the areas of your house. I can tell you all the things we struggle with...it's going to be a long list.

The kitchen--keeping dishes done and getting the dishwasher emptied once they're washed
Dining room--where all our mail collects. We have a secretary desk that we planned on using for gathering some of the mail, but it eventually overflowed and I've got coupons and mail and all sorts of papers all over the dining room
Living room--dusting. How often? We do a *decent* job keeping the clutter in the living room in check. Most of the time.
Laundry--we currently divide laundry into light colors, dark colors, whites, and reds. It takes forever to get a full load of any of these. We do laundry every few weeks and end up doing 10 loads at a time. This can NOT happen once baby is here.
Bathrooms--I try to clean then whenever we're having company, but that's not nearly as often as I'm sure it should be. I guess that's just a matter of just doing it.

Yeah, we're slobs. And I'm now going to try to go do something about it. Problem is, I just don't know where to start--it's all very overwhelming. I guess the first thing I need to do is get off this computer! Hopefully next time I come back I have at least 10 comments with some tips--come, I have 35 subscribers via Google Reader and 7 followers...at least 10 of you have clean homes. I'm willing to bet that at least 40 of you have cleaner houses than ours. So please impart any knowledge you have. I'm begging!!!

Ultrasound Pics

(that last one is the spine)

Small Things

After yesterday's fairly depressing post, I thought I should take a step back and appreciate the happiness around me.

1) Book Club with wonderful women last night!
2) Eating yummy food at said book club....cheesecake, cake, unhealthy veggies, spinach dip...mmmm....
3) Seeing my parents tonight (and getting back DH's car)
4) Seeing college friends this weekend!
5) Being spooned by DH with his hand on my belly
6) Feeling our little GIRL squirming around in new places--I can now feel her up toward my belly button!
7) Having a delicious free breakfast this morning
8) Warmer weather! I'm perfectly happy with the 50s :)
9) DH kissing me on the cheek every morning when I drop him off at work and telling both P and me to have a good day
10) Still being able to wear my rings (and my shoes...but I'm trying not to jinx myself!)
11) The Big Show on 97.1 (I love Spiels and Hooley)
12) March Madness!
13) Chocolate, especially when it comes out of a plastic Easter egg
14) Finding a great parking spot, even after getting here late from breakfast
15) Infusium conditioner--makes my hair feel better than any other conditioner!

Self Esteem Issues

I've been feeling really down recently whenever I look in the mirror. I keep telling myself I should ENJOY being pregnant. But I'm just having a really hard time with what my body is doing. If it were just getting bigger, I could be okay, but it's not a cute little round baby bump that I see on so many others. In some clothes, it can look alright, but I've been avoiding clothes that actually show off the baby bump because they also show off my other bump. Then I put on the shirt I'm wearing today and immediately realized that I could EASILY pass as not pregnant at all. And that just sucks.

Damnit, I lost 90 pounds before getting pregnant. I really thought I could wear this baby well. And I even was somewhat okay with how I looked for the first 20 weeks, thinking that by 20 weeks my belly would round out and I'd be cute and pregnant. Here I am at 21 weeks and still just looking like I could be just fat.

Okay, enough whining. I'm sorry. I know I say this all the time, but it's really weighing on me and not allowing me to really enjoy this and say "hey look, I'm pregnant" and really makes me resent the skinny, pregnant bitches people around me who ARE cute and pregnant. It's making for a lot of sadness on my part, which sucks.

What an amazing experience...

Wow. That was just incredible! We got to see so much of our little baby. We got to see every perfect little thing. The spine. The brain. The heart. The umbilical cord. The kidneys. Two hands (with fingers!). Two feet. Two arms.

The very first thing we saw when the doctor turned on the ultrasound machine was two legs. At once. Which meant we were also looking in between them. Apparently our little one wasn't feeling too shy! Once she told us those were legs, we looked a bit closer. And saw...not much. She then pointed out the three lines. And that the thing we saw in between the legs was an umbilical cord. Not a penis. And she just completely non-chalantly said, "You've got yourself a little girl." Holy crap, I don't think it sunk in. Both DH and I said, "Did you just say what I think you said?" She did. Wow. A girl. We're both completely in shock as we'd convinced ourselves it was going to be a little boy!

We got to see the face from the front and see the adorable little chubby cheeks on her (her mom's). We also got to see the chin, which DH also swears is mine. She's laying in there in the pike position--folded completely in half--her legs and arms were right next to each other. The placenta looked great and is nowhere near being in a previa position, so that's good news. We got to see her little heart beating at 144 bpm and saw her brain. She showed us the three parts of the umbilical cord and that the blood was moving through it correctly. She showed us the kidneys and we even got a great view of the spine and all those vertebra! Everything measured good. Her overall size is measuring two days ahead (8/1/09--DH's grandma's birthday, actually), but they won't move the due date just based on that yet. Maybe when we get closer.

It still hasn't sunk in, 8 hours later. A girl. A healthy, beautiful little girl!

A girl. Tampons. Boyfriends. Prom dresses. A wedding.

Yes, we were getting ahead of ourselves, but it's a bit hard not to! A girl.

Wow. A girl. It looks like you, blog readers, as a whole, were wrong! The vote ended up 19 for boy and 11 for girl.

This time tomorrow...

...we will have gotten a good look at our little one and hopefully will know whether it's a boy or a girl!!! DH and I are ridiculously excited and really hoping not to jinx things! We're also hoping everything is okay with baby and hope to see all the good stuff.

Eek!!! Stay tuned :)

Twenty Weeks

To my dearest "P":

I can't believe that I'm already 20 weeks pregnant. Your daddy and I spend our days and nights thinking about you, talking to you, and talking about you and wondering what you'll be like! We worry that we'll find a way to screw you up and always try to make the absolute best decisions for you. We acknoweledge that we don't have all the answers and never will (although we won't tell you that for a very long time) but promise to do our very best to make you happy and healthy.

I've spent the last 16 weeks (because, really, I didn't find out I was pregnant until almost 4 weeks...) trying my best to make my body a comfortable home for you and to give you only the best. As much as I'd like to complain about my allergies and how awful I've felt some days, really, this pregnancy has been incredibly easy. I'm so blessed. Yes, at this point I realize I could be jinxing myself, but even if the next 20 weeks are rough, I know the first half of my pregnancy went fairly smoothly which is a blessing many women can only dream of.

I love feeling you moving around inside of me. Some days I know it may sound like I'm scolding you, but in reality I'm just startled by how big your movements are! It seems like you're getting stronger every day. I look forward to feeling every one of your kicks and pokes (at least at this point...haha!) and love knowing that you're doing okay (and enjoying the things Mommy is eating!).

In one week we're going to get our only really good look at you. Your daddy and I (as well as our friends and family) are praying that everything is okay and that you're just a healthy, happy baby inside mommy's tummy. Of course, once we get to see the important stuff, it would be really nice if we could see the goods, too, just so we can stop calling you "it"! Of course you know Mommy calls you "he" and Daddy calls you "she", so we're hoping to see who has been right these last 20 weeks.

Your daddy and I are hoping you'll hang tight in Mommy's belly for another 20 weeks and just grow to your biggest and strongest you can be. Even though we're impatient to meet you and get to know you, we'll continue to bond with you while you're safe inside before we bring you out into this scary world. You're worth the wait.

All my love,
Mommy

No longer ordering our food

DH has officially forbidden me from ordering our food any longer.

I found a coupon for an 11" BBQ chicken pizza for $4.99. DH thought this would be too small, so I got us some Pizza Bombs (deep fried pizza thingies) to go with it. While I was talking to the chick at the pizza place, I saw that some fresh-made chips were only $0.89, so I asked for some of those. When she read it back, she said a "small" pizza, which made me think it may not be enough food, so I also got some cheesy garlic bread.

I suppose I can see his point.

What if I hate my own child?

Totally irrational pregnant worry for the day--what if I hate/dislike my own child?

I love kids. I really, really do. But some kids' personalities just totally irk me and make me want to smack them upside the head. And I find it's mostly little boys between the ages of 5 and 10. Is that evil of me to say/think? What if my child (who we all know is going to be a boy...teehee) ends up being one of those kids and I'm truly annoyed by and dislike my own kid????

The quest for a soft pretzel

I crave soft pretzels. No, this isn't a pregnancy thing. It's just a "me" thing.

Growing up, we used to keep the frozen soft pretzels in the freezer. They were good.

But then I discovered the big pretzels like those that are served at sporting events. Those are phenomenal.

Then I had a butter-coated pretzel. Those are good. They're very good.

But some days I find myself craving those pretzels that you can, seemingly, only get at sporting events. And, therefore, I'm on a mission to find the pretzel without having to pay admission to a volleyball match or something.

They used to sell these (you know the ones...they hang on the metal spinny thing?) at concession stands in department stores. I remember my Hill's had them along with the cotton candy and sno-cones. Target is now the only store I know with a store-run concession stand and they have those "gourmet" pretzels (see butter-coated from before).

DH seems to think the buttery pretzels they serve at Sam's Club should suffice (this is a great substitution if you don't want to pay the exorbitant prices at Auntie Anne's! They're less than $1 apiece!), but they just don't. They're delicious, yes, but they aren't the same. So the search continues.

If anyone has a lead on where I can find these delicious items, please leave me a comment! (even if you just want to laugh at me you can leave a comment...lol)

Overwhelmed with Info: Car Seats and Strollers

Who would have thought that shopping for the thing that's going to save your child's life should you get into a car accident would be stressful and overwhelming?

Oh yeah.

It started out the same as our crib shopping. I was sitting on the couch reading Baby Bargains, telling DH about our different options as far as car seats. Even after hours of discussion, we haven't completely settled on whether to go with one convertible car seat instead of an infant seat and then a convertible car seat. We both agree that the convenience of the infant car seat would be nice so we can just keep the baby in the seat while going into stores, houses, etc. However, once we got to BRU, we discovered infant seats that can carry up to 32 pounds! That would get us to age 1, thereby eliminating the need for a convertible car seat at age one. We could just go to a forward-facing car seat.


Except there didn't seem to be any forward-facing car seats and the few that we saw weren't any sort of cost saving over the convertible car seat. So why pay the extra for the bigger infant seat?


Our options:


Our favorite infant seat (up to 22 pounds):

Ignore the colors. The seat is the Graco Snugride.

Our other favorite infant seat is the Chicco Keyfit

Graco also makes an infant seat that goes up to 32 pounds but is more expensive and, really, who is going to want to lug a baby around that's 32 pounds...plus the 8 pounds for the seat???

Then, somewhere between 6 months and a year, baby will move into a convertible car seat. Who knows which one of those we'll choose? But it seem inevitable, really.

You'd think that we're doing great here, even if we are a bit overwhelmed. Then we headed into the strollers. Ugh. A stroller *should* be really easy, but I don't think it is. They make these strollers that the infant seat can snap into, which seems great! This means you still don't have to take baby out of the infant seat to put them into a stroller to take a walk or walk the mall or something. But do we go with the entire travel system or just buy a stroller that the infant seat we choose fits into?

Then, on top of all of this, we *could* make the decision to get a convertible car seat like this:

This, above, is the Graco ComfortSport and is the most recommended convertible for infants.

If we went that route, we'd not have an infant seat to lug around, but we also wouldn't have to buy a new car seat when baby is 6-12 months old. We could get a stroller that is meant for a newborn to be able to lay in.

The stroller will depend entirely on what car seat options we go with.

Note: I started this entry 3/8/09 and am finishing on 3/12/09. Since then, some ladies on a message board I'm a part of have pretty much convinced me to start out with an infant seat. Now we just need to decide upon a brand. Of course, the new Baby Bargains comes out 4/25/09, so we might wait to get the new ratings from there before making a final decision. Or not (can you tell I'm getting impatient???).

Movement?

Over the last 3 1/2 days, I've been feeling lots of movement going on at the center of my stomach. For the first day or so, I was pretty sure it was just movement. Now I'm starting to wonder if it's baby... I first felt baby moving 3 weeks and 1 day ago, so I've been hoping to feel it again very soon. This feels completely different than what I felt then, though. The first time it felt like real kicks, like someone tapping on me from the inside. Now it really does just feel like my stomach digesting. It's been in basically the same spot for the last few days--right in the middle--whereas the first one was way over to the right. The last few days it's also happened probably 20 times a day, but the first time it just happened twice within a 5 minute span or so.

I'm hoping it's baby squirming around in there, but it just feels too frequent for me to be able to believe that that's what it is! If it keeps happening, though, I think I'll have a hard time writing it off as digestion.

(this isn't the post I referenced in my "Small Things" post--that's to come sometime soon...)

Small Things for this past weekend

1) Beer-battered pickles
2) Free Chipotle
3) Taking walks and getting outside Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday!
4) Seeing my best friend from college and catching up with other college friends
5) Taking small steps to being prepared for P (the baby, that is...)--see my next post for more on this
6) Snuggling with the hubby and spending all kinds of time with him
7) Going to bed before 10:30 both Friday and Saturday nights
8) Hand-me-down maternity clothes...thanks to good friends, I don't have to buy too much for myself!
9) Getting to wear sandals on Saturday!

200th Post!

In about 13 months, here I am, posting my 200th post. I'm so blessed by all of you. You may not be the most vocal readers, but it's nice to know that there are people out there listening to my neurotic, obsessive thoughts :)


It's amazing that since I started writing in late January I've gone through so much. I lost over 40 pounds, went through what I thought may end up being a fight with infertility (luckily it ended up being relatively short-lived), and am now 19 weeks pregnant! I was just reading my first post about the things I'd been doing to prepare for getting pregnant. I don't know what it would have changed, but if I'd only known then what I know now!

I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you all, my readers, for being with me through the roller coaster that is TTC and now into this new journey of carrying and, eventually, having a baby!

A Poll!

I know a lot of people read my blog through Google Reader, so you probably don't see the front page very often. I've just added a poll asking what you think Bouncing Buckeye Baby's gender is (I almost typed "will be", but quickly reminded myself that the gender is already determined. Baby knows it...some other people *think* they know it...Mommy and Daddy just don't!!!). Please vote! We'll find out the results on Monday, March 23rd. Thanks!

Small Things (for 3/2/)

1) Fresh baked bread. Got motivated and used my bread maker last night...mmmm
2) My parents getting back from Florida safe and sound
3) The fact that my "fat" pants still work, even though the belly is getting bigger and I'm getting wider. I love maternity clothes and am a total clothes-horse, but am glad I have options.
4) A healthy, easy meal with good leftovers (cooked a whole chicken in the microwave in my Microwave Cooker from Tupperware, had a bag of steamed brown rice, had a bag of steamed broccoli with cheese sauce)
5) My new Snoogle. Yes, it makes me wake up sweaty, but it makes me so cozy.

Just say thank you, Jackass

I've had a few people tell me that I'm cute and pregnant. Of course, I always say "Thanks, but..." and fill in how I'm feeling fat or something. I need to stop and just say Thank You.

So if you've told me that and I haven't responded well--THANK YOU! :)

Information Gathering: Cribs

DH and I went "information gathering" yesterday. Please note that it was NOT a shopping trip, as DH will point out. We were just checking out the cribs in person.



After reading the chapter on cribs in Baby Bargains (this link is for the 7th edition--the 8th edition comes out next month and I'm going to pre-order it), I realized that I wanted to see what these cribs looked like in person. Was it worth paying $400 for these cribs or were they just as good as a $200 one?



The trip brought out quite a few discussions about our plans for the future. Do we want the furniture to stay with the child for their entire life? Or if/when baby #2 comes along, will we give the furniture from baby #1 to baby #2? Also, we currently have a low-quality dresser that I've used through college. I thought it would suffice for storage, along with the closet and a changing table. DH apparently thinks we'll need another dresser and should get one that matches a convertible crib so the child will have a dresser and bed set to use at least until they graduate college. But that means we'll have to buy another set for baby #2.



We liked the drop-side cribs (it seems to pretty much be either drop-side OR convertible...not both), but are leaning toward convertible and getting a nice set so that we don't have to invest in another bed later. Of course, part of me thinks we could invest in one crib, then get bedroom suites for the kids as they get older.



So much confusion and we haven't even gotten to the brands!



Speaking of brands, though, we liked this one:

It's a convertible by Jardine. It's a good price and felt really sturdy and looked nice. The reviews are mixed and Baby Bargains assigned it a B+ (or A-....). Of course, Baby Bargains gave the matching dresser and changing table an F. *sigh* So that may eliminate that choice, but I'm not sure. We might get the crib and try to find something else that matches.

Of course, we might also look into Amish-made furniture. We need to go price that sort of thing. I know it'd be sturdy and well-made. A friend of mine got a convertible that was Amish-made.

I'm sure there will be more updates as we consider other items!

Goodbye, Old Friend

I have officially lost my waist.

I liked my waist. Even when I was bigger, I had a waist, making me look a bit smaller than I was. But now it's gone. Totally, completely gone. I go straight down when you look at me from the front. When I turn sideways, I barely have a bump, but from the front I look tubby. Damnit. Doesn't help with the whole self-image thing.

It's all for a good cause and I understand that. I'm just impatiently waiting for my belly to round out and to finally look pregnant to people who don't already know.

Another doctor appt

Had another doctor appointment today, which means we have NO more appointments before the BIG ULTRASOUND (insert dramatic music here).

Woohoo!

It all went well. Of course I've gained another 5 pounds, but whatever. At this point, I'm trying not to stress and just eat well for the baby. We heard baby's heartbeat and it was running between 140 and 150. DH and I are really sure now it's a boy. Yes, I realize the heartbeat really has nothing to do with it, but I was already pretty convinced and now he is too. We'll see in less than 4 weeks, though. Baby kept running from the Doppler, which was funny. We'd hear the heartbeat, then a weird noise. The doctor made sure to say "that was movement, so you know it's moving in there!". She knew I'd panic hearing that weird blip. She finally got it cornered on my right side and we got a steady heartbeat. What a beautiful sound.

I hate to admit it, but I still have a hard time believing there's a growing human being in my body. Weird stuff.

Got my blood taken for the quad screen, too. The quad screen is about 65% reliable and looks for the possibily of Downs, Trisomy-18, and a few other genetic diseases. If we get an elevated result, they'll do other tests to confirm. Not particularly concerned about getting bad results. I suppose it could happen, but I've been pretty laid back lately (totally out of character for me...) about this, so I'm just trying to relax and wait to see if we get any word on the results (in this case, no news is good news).

Every pregnancy is different

I read all sorts of pregnancy books when I found out we were pregnant, but after a few, I realized they would all tell me the same thing. They all give a range of symptoms that you *could* have, but no one was going to be able to tell me how I would feel.

Of course, now that I say that, it makes perfect sense. But I really wanted someone to say, "We can guarantee that you will experience this between # and ## weeks" or whatever. Didn't happen.

I am the first to say that I've had a remarkably easy pregnancy. The nausea I did have never resulted in vomiting, which I am eternally grateful for. If the worst symptoms I've experienced up until now are extreme (and yes, I mean EXTREME) gas and exhaustion...I'm doing great. DH may disagree, but he's not the one growing a baby, now is he???

Here I am in the 2nd trimester and I'm feeling pretty darn good. I'm realizing that I need to get more active, as my legs have been really tight and sore just from sitting on the floor for a few hours, but other than that, I'm feeling fine. I do have some nausea after dinner, so I'm starting to think I'm eating a bit too much for dinner, which makes me sad. I like eating a lot for dinner so I don't wake up starving! I've also got a bit of acid, but a couple of Tums seems to be helping that a lot. I'm still able to sleep without waking to pee 6 of 7 nights a week (knock on wood). Heck, I've even felt the baby move once (nope, haven't felt it again, but trying not to get discouraged...definitely not worried, just a little sad!).

Yes, it's been a good pregnancy so far. That's not to say that anyone else's won't be better or worse than mine or that even my next pregnancy (God willing) won't be better or worse! That's the beauty of our bodies...you never know what you're going to get!

Disclaimer: Yes, I'm still doing having a hard time with this whole waiting thing. I can't wait to find out what we're having (4 weeks from today!), I can't wait to feel the baby move more frequently...I feel like I'm always looking forward. So the purpose of this entry is to try to enjoy the moment I'm in now.

Small Things

1) Going on an impromptu shopping trip with a friend
2) Making my own tote bag/purse/diaper bag (will post pictures later)
3) Watching the NFL Combine
4) Getting things accomplished without too much stress
5) Fresh fruit
6) 17 weeks!
7) Reduced Sugar Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal
8) My Lands End All-Weather Mocs
9) Buying cheap maternity clothes from Lane Bryant
10) Making easy money on Cash Duck and Treasure Trooper (if you have questions, feel free to contact me--not trying to recruit, just like to bring in a couple of extra bucks a month)
11) Seeing my niece and playing peek-a-boo with her and watching her drag my new tote around the house while pretending to talk on her cell phone.
12) Knowing we get to hear the baby's heartbeat tomorrow morning!
13) Happy Hour with girlfriends
14) Seeing my SIL get her Lifetime membership at Weight Watchers (we did it together before I got pregnant)
15) New recipes (we try at least 2 new recipes almost every week--this week I got a couple from here)

Down

It seems so silly. I should be happy all the time, enjoying life, enjoying this time. I've waited for this for a very long time. But I'm having a really hard time being happy. I'm, of course, ecstatic about the pregnancy and everything that goes along with it, so don't misunderstand me there. It's just everything else. Work has really gotten me down recently and it's hanging over into the rest of my life. I find that I don't enjoy my evenings and weekends nearly as much as I would like to because I'm still carrying around stress from my days at work. I used to be able to refresh from a painful week during the weekend, but now it just feels like the weekend is just leading up to another awful week. I start to dread Monday by Sunday morning.

I still love what I do, but am having a hard time with some of the other aspects of the job. I love to support the staff members that use our new system, but it's getting harder and harder listening to everyone complain about the things that I do that are meant to help. I also seem to be everyone's sounding board about how bad the system is, which isn't much fun. I have a hard time leaving all of that at work, too, even though I know I should.

All the stress is then carrying over to my life with DH. I feel like we aren't getting "quality" time together a lot of the time, but I'm at a loss on what to do about it. We spend a lot of time together, but I want to make that "quality" time, even if it means just snuggling and watching TV. Of course, whenever we snuggle, I tend to fall asleep...which doesn't lead to great quality time. lol We both love being lazy, not showering, and just laying around the house, so going out to eat together becomes a chore, rather than something fun for us to do together. I think once the weather gets better we'll start taking walks together and doing more outdoor things (as my body allows...), but for now, I just feel so sad a lot of the time that I'm not much fun to be around. And, of course, like a man, he just wants to find a way to fix it, rather than just listen.

I love my life and think things could be a lot better if I could just find a way to not let work get me down so much. The morale around here is pretty awful and I have no idea how to suggest we make it better. If you aren't in a management role, but see how awful morale is, what would you do?

Randomness

I've got a lot of little things to say and it seems silly to have a lot of posts to say them :)

1) I'm exhausted today. My FIL is a wonderful man and has been staining our trim in our house. It looks beautiful. But when he visits we end up talking very late into the evening. Last night we went to bed after 12:30. *yawn* Me exhausted is bad news. It means I'm in a bad mood and pretty testing. But at least I'm looking forward to my busy evening--I'm headed to happy hour with some girlfriends and then going to my old Weight Watchers meeting to see my SIL get her Lifetime.

2) I thought this was a fabulous story. If you know me, you know I'm a crazed sport fanatic. Some days it's hard not to get jaded about the state of sports these days, so I love stories like this.

3) I now have over 30 unique readers a day. Do you have any idea how loved that makes me feel? Unfortunately, though, I have no idea who most of you are. And while this is MY blog, I have more thoughts in my head than I could ever spill into this blog. I'm happy to, if you all are interested, but I'm very curious what you guys want to read about. Do you want more gory pregnancy symptoms? More of my self-reflection? *shrug* Just curious. And what would make you all comment more? Because I'd love to see more comments knowing how many people are reading!!!

I think that's it. I should do some work. I hope everyone is having a great day. It's Hump Day, after all!

Well hello there!

I went shopping yesterday at Destination Maternity and Tar.get with a fellow pregger, Get Up Eight and had a great time! She's 3 weeks and 1 day ahead of me and not feeling like she looks pregnant yet (although I beg to differ!!!) and I've been feeling the same way recently. So we went looking for maternity clothes to make us feel more pregnant. :)

On my way home, I called my mom to chat and was sitting in the car in the garage finishing up the conversation when I felt something very strange down on the left side of the front of my abdomen. It felt a bit like a muscle spasm. You know how your eye feels when you get a twitch in your eyelid? Sort of like that. It was fairly light, but I definitely felt it. It only lasted 5 seconds or less and I thought, "Wow, that could have been baby...but most people always describe it as being a fluttering feeling and others say it made them feel nauseous. This was definitely strong enough that I didn't feel nauseous from it." So I finished up my phone call and headed inside.

DH met me inside and asked about my day. We chatted for a couple of minutes and then I told him about what I might or might not have just felt. As I finished explaining it, it happened again, only for a bit longer (maybe more like 10 seconds?). I didn't want to move, in hopes that it would happen again!

So, even though I'm not totally sure that's what it was, I'm going to pretend that I felt the baby move last night! I know it may not happen for awhile again, but I hope it does! Hopefully if I feel it again I can confirm if that's truly what it was. But either way, it makes things feel all the more real!

Small Things

This small things entry is one "small" thing that made me happy all night last night.

We had a horrible storm yesterday early evening, but once it was over, the sun came out brighter than I've seen it in MONTHS. When I looked out my back door, this is what I saw. A full double rainbow. Rainbows are really hard to capture on camera, so you can't see how far the second one goes, but I can assure you, I could see both rainbows all the way across the sky. The bottom one we could see each color individually. I haven't seen anything so beautiful in a very long time.

And it gave me hope. Hope for my future and the futures of all of you. There are good things to come. We will emerge from this winter and things will be better on the other side.

Belly Pics so far

Not much to see, but here they are:

The day of our BFP: 3w5d

13w

14w2d

Today, 15w2d (after a Chinese dinner...have no idea how much is bloat and how much is baby)

DH, 15w2d LOL

Small Things

1) Trying a new church (and liking it)
2) Mom's homemade noodles with mashed potatoes, broccoli, and dinner rolls
3) Shopping for maternity clothes and baby stuff with my mom
4) Getting hugs and love from my niece
5) Finding a pair of maternity pants that will last my entire pregnancy (assuming they don't fall apart) for SIX DOLLARS (marked at $19.99, I thought that's what I'd pay, but they were an additional 70% off!)

Time with God

I'm not someone that you would meet on the street and know immediately that I'm a Christian. I'm not a person that wears it on their sleeve or proclaims it to all. But I do try my best to be a good person, someone who lives a good, Christian life, even if I'm not preaching the word of God to others.

I grew up in the church. My grandparents traded me off, which meant one week I'd attend a Friends church (otherwise known as "Quakers") that had, at max, 10 people at the service. The next week I would go to an African Methodist Episcopal church (picture your stereotypical Baptist church where people are saying "Amen!" and such). As you can tell, I had a pretty varied religious background.

When in the 4th grade, though, I found my true church home. I went with a friend to her church, a Methodist church. Even though she moved within a year, I continued to attend that church and be very involved throughout high school. I went to Sunday School every week, was in the children's choir, went to youth group, went on trips, went to Bible Studies (which were actually independent of the church), and babysat in the nursery every Sunday during the service. That church was a major part of my identity. When I went away to college, I lost that identity and never really found one in my new location. I regretted that, but just couldn't find a good fit.

So here I am, 5 1/2 years removed from college, 10 1/2 years removed from high school, and I still haven't found a church home. Lazy? Absolutely. Anxious about trying something new? Of course.

I've had this discussion with DH. He, in contrast to my adolescence, went to church just a few times growing up and never had a church home. But we've decided that it's something that is important to both of us as we have children. We want to have a church community of our own where we can meet other young families and have a good, solid foundation of Christianity in our home. Yesterday we finally took the leap. We went to a church very close to our house. It was nice. It was like coming home after awhile--listening to the choir, singing the hymns, listening to the message. We'll try another church next week, and maybe another after that, until we find someplace we're both comfortable. But I'm so very glad we took that first step this weekend.

Small Things

I could write the same small things every day and am beginning to feel like I'm getting boring :) So I'm going to try to do at least one post about the small things in my life a week.

1) My mom. I talked to her on the phone last night for an hour. I could tell she didn't want to go. She loves to hear about the pregnancy and asks so many questions. I love knowing I have her support and hearing about her pregnancy and knowing how much she's going to love this baby.

2) My DH. He is adorable! Last night he pulled out the paint book (comes with having a FIL who paints houses for a living) and started thinking about colors for the nursery. Of course we don't even know what sort of theme we'll go with (we're looking at different things, depending on whether it's a boy or a girl), but he has decided we should go with a lighter yellow than is on the walls now and showed me his favorites. He's so cute!

3) Food cravings. Yes, they can be annoying, but right now they aren't urgent and don't require me to either leave the house in my jammies or make DH go somewhere. For now I just find myself wanting all sorts of odd foods at any given time. It keeps things interesting ;) For instance, this week I've mostly been craving Arby's curly fries and Chipotle (I think this kid is going to come out Mexican...lol). But this morning, within about a minute, I craved a soft pretzel (the good kinds that are ginormous and you get at the concession stand), spinach & artichoke dip (was given this recipe by my friend at Get Up Eight), and Cheddar Bay biscuits from Red Lobster. We're doing leftovers for dinner tonight, but I know I want to do something extra...I could get a pretzel from Sam's Club (not the same, but still good), or make either of the other two...or even just get Spinach & Artichoke Dip from Applebee's. Anybody know if I can get half-price appetizer for takeout?

4) A quiet night at home. I feel bad for bailing on a Happy Hour for tonight, but I'm just exhausted and am going out tomorrow night for my mom's birthday and also babysitting on Saturday...just can't imagine being out two nights in a row! lol How sad is that?

5) Getting to babysit the niece on Saturday! She's at a really fun age--she's 22 months tomorrow--and is at the point where she remembers DH and me, so she's happy to play with us. The babysitting will be while she's sleeping, but we'll go over early and hang out with her and her parents before they go out.

So there you go, a two-fer. I've told you about what's going on in my life and acknowledged some great things that I'm grateful for!

In a funk

I realized after a couple of hours that I sounded like a total Debbie Downer in my last post. I sounded completely unappreciative of the fact that I'm pregnant. And I don't want that...it's not true at all.

I've been in a funk recently. I haven't had any interest in getting up and going to work, so work has just dragged on and on every single day. By the time I get home, I'm exhausted from the mental and emotional drain the day puts on me, so I typically don't even make an effort to do anything more than have dinner and watch some TV with the husband. The weekends are a bit of a pick-me-up and I've enjoyed them, but then once Monday hits again...the vicious cycle starts again.

I truly believe that I have the best job for me right now. It may not sound like that, but I do enjoy what I do most days. I feel like I'm using my abilites and intelligence. The benefits here are awesome and the pay isn't horrible (there are very few people who *can't* complain about pay). Do I feel particularly appreciated? Not necessarily. Do I have fun at work? Nah, not most of the time. I've always felt like a job is a job and then I can do the things I really enjoy when the job is done. Unfortunately, I'm so tired by the time the day is over, I have no energy for socializing, reading, playing piano, scrapbooking, cross-stitching, knitting, exercising, cooking (more than what I HAVE to do...) or shopping.

I guess this is the real reason for my funk and I need to figure out how to get out of it. Maybe I'll go home tonight and work on a crafty project. We'll see what that does. Of course, maybe I'll just go home, cook dinner, curl up under my blanket on the couch, and zone out in front of the TV tonight. I do love American Idol and The Biggest Loser.

Mini Breakdown

Looking back, it seems really selfish and, well, that's what it was. Last night I had a mini breakdown to DH about being pregnant. Yes, I'm only 14 weeks. Yes, I've had a dream pregnancy to this point. Yes, I wanted this so bad it hurt! But I'm already tired of it. Not tired of it forever...I just want a break.

I just want one day to feel like myself, to not have mucus in my ears, giving me headaches and making me constantly dizzy. To not have a consistent headache everywhere. To not feel my pulse in every part of my body (seriously). To not just feel overly fat. To not fall asleep every single night by 9 p.m. (or at least want to...). To not forget every thing that happened the previous day. To be normal for one day.

As I write it, I know I shouldn't feel this way. But, regrettably, I do. I know it will get worse. I know by the time I hit 9 months I'm REALLY going to want a break. But right now, in this moment, I'd love one day, even just a few hours, of feeling "normal". To have some ham salad. To have a glass of wine. To not worry about falling on the ice and hurting my baby. To be able to think about something other than this little life inside of me!!!

(Yes, baby, I love you. Yes, I'm over-the-moon that I'm having a baby. Yes, I can't wait to meet you. Yes, I do this x100 to be able to have a baby.)

The Waiting Game

When I was TTC, it felt like I was always waiting. Waiting for my fertile time, in the "two week wait". And it drove me batty.

Yet here I am, again, waiting. I should be enjoying every second of being pregnant. I am, but I have to admit that it still doesn't feel real. So I wait for it to feel real.

I'm waiting to have an actual baby bump and not just feel fat. I'm waiting for that first movement. Then I'm waiting for 21 weeks so we can find out what we're having (we have nursery ideas for both genders...so no painting or buying or registering until then). At some point I'm sure I'll be waiting to be able to feel movement from the outside. And then at some point I'll look back and think that my pregnancy went too quickly.

I know I need to take time to enjoy this. To enjoy the knowledge that there's a little human inside me, growing. So I'll try. I know I won't be able to get this time back and will wish for the days when I could still wear my pre-pregnancy jeans (like I am today) and wish for the days when I don't wake up every night to pee and wish for the days where I can function like a fairly normal human being. So I'll try to take it all in and relish these days, as I'm sure they'll soon be gone.

Small Things Day 28

1) A snow day home with my hubby!
2) DH being overprotective of me. It's annoying sometimes, but it's so sweet.
3) Comfort foods--eggs & turkey bacon for breakfast, sausage gravy for lunch, and sloppy joes and pierogies for dinner!
4) Having power--there are a lot of people out there who don't!
5) Taking a shower just to put sweats back on

Small Things Day 27

1) Hearing baby's heartbeat!
2) Having family members call to check on how our doctor's appointment went
3) Meals made with "Cream of" soups
4) Getting off work at 4 p.m. (yes, it means I'm driving in earlier, which isn't the best, but the fact that we left today at 4 meant we bypassed a lot of traffic)
5) Having DH email me to tell me how amazing it was to watch my face when we heard baby's heartbeat. He really can be sweet :)

Small Things Day 26

1) Cheap grocery store trips!
2) A new guilty pleasure (Intervention)
3) Sports radio
4) Bendy straws
5) My rice steamer

Doctor Appt Update

Just got in from the appointment and all is well! The doctor said all of my bloodwork and everything was perfect and we heard the baby's heartbeat really quickly. It was such a beautiful sound.

Of course, I've gained 5 pounds in the last month....so maybe I need to watch what I'm eating a teeny bit better, but I've been trying very hard to just eat when I'm hungry and to listen to my body. After trying to lose weight for so long, it's hard to find a happy medium. I did learn a lot from my weight loss, though, and have been doing great eating higher fiber foods (when I'm feeling daring...) and fruits and veggies. I may just be spluring a bit too often now ;)

I'm not going to worry too much about it, though. If I gain another 5 pounds by next appt, then I might take more action, but I assume the gain will level out. And if not, oh well--I've gotta keep baby fed, right?

You have no idea how relieved I am having heard that heartbeat again. Sure, we heard the h/b around 9 weeks, but hearing it now, knowing I'm in the second trimester...it's all incredibly real now. I really can relax.

Can't Stop Eating...

I know I've waited for a long time for an excuse to NOT care about how much I eat, but I still worry about getting scolded for gaining too much weight too quickly (I was only told to gain 10-15 pounds over the course of this pregnancy). So now I'm paranoid. But I'm also HUNGRY. And I KNOW I need to feed the baby if I'm hungry, so I do, but it still makes me feel guilty. I feel ESPECIALLY guilty when I'm eating things like egg rolls, crab rangoons, and sweet & sour chicken. lol But at least dessert was a Smart Ones! I'm trying here--really I am--but I just can't stop eating right now. It's to the point where I don't think I should be the one going to the grocery because we're spending WAY too much b/c I end up walking out with $20 in impulse buys. With a list.

I try sticking to the list, but then those Doritos are calling my name. And then there's the gummy fruit slices that I've been craving ALL weekend. And I want some more cheesy dip, so we'd better get some of that. By the time we get to the checkout I've got over $100 in groceries, which is a lot of money for us to spend at the grocery. But we're going to venture to the grocery again today because I'm out of produce and need to get in my fruits and veggies...wish me luck not eating the entire place!

Small Things Day 21

1) Letting DH sleep in. May not sound like a blessing for me, but I always feel bad that I can typically sleep longer than he can--I love letting him sleep in on the weekends.
2) Sunday paper. I love my coupons and ads and everything that comes with it!
3) Fast delivery of a picture we ordered. Love Shutterfly!!!
4) Goldfish graham crackers
5) Swagbucks. It's a site where you can go and run searches and possibly earn "swagbucks" for them. You can then buy GCs with the swagbucks. If you want to sign up, sign up here-->Referral Link

Small Things Day 20

1) Kashi bars in my purse (see 2 blog posts ago)
2) Friendly people at the Sears.com help lines.
3) The internet so I can do research about different lines of electronics and find good deals
4) Salad bars--I love them!
5) Hair-stroking. One of my favorite feelings!

Small Things Day 19

1) Good deals at Kohl's. Couldn't find maternity clothes I liked, but found a 3-pack of trouser socks for $0.90. I bought 6 of them, used my $5 off coupon and got 18 pairs of trouser socks for $0.48!
2) Leftover TimBits. Mmmmm....*drool*
3) V8 Fusion (I don't remember if I used this one already or not). It tastes like fruit juice, but gets me some veggies--love this stuff!!!
4) Flowers. I normally tell DH not to waste money on flowers since they always die, but my mom got me roses last Sunday and they still look nice today, then a friend brought over some yellow carnations on Thursday night! I have a beautiful bouquet :)
5) Long ice scraper and brush--no more using those teeny little scrapers!

Scary day yesterday

I was feeling ambitious yesterday. My energy seems to have returned to an extent and I thought we could get a lot done yesterday. So we got up and got ready to leave--I wanted to go to JC.Penney to look for maternity clothes. I found out that they didn't open until 10 and we were ready to go around 9, so we stopped by the AT&T store to look at phones. Talked to a very nice salesman about their cable. Anyway, we spent about an hour in there and told him we would return before he left for the day. We got some breakfast and went to the mall. No luck on maternity clothes there, so we went to another mall (much further away) and did have some luck--I got a pair of khakis for a decent price. Once done there, we picked up some lunch and went home. We ate lunch, sat around for awhile, did some online shopping, then decided we should get back to AT&T.

Went back to AT&T and after standing there for about 45 minutes (their computer system was having problems), I started feeling panicky. The store was also really hot, so I thought if I just stepped outside, I'd be okay. I did and felt somewhat okay out there, but realized I needed to go back in. I walked back in and started feeling worse. Next thing I knew, everything started going black. I told DH "I need to sit down" and went and sat on the only seat for customers that they had. Once I sat down, I felt better. I took off my coat and DH went and got me my bottle of water from the car. I found a Kashi bar in my purse and ate that. The salesman was really, really concerned (he has a 4-year old and I had just told him that we were expecting) and had DH go get the car when I was ready. It was cute.

I felt sort of off for the rest of the day, even though I went home and ate some food, drank some more water, and just relaxed. My head feels a little cloudy this morning, but better. I just wish I knew what caused it: 1) overheating 2) low blood sugar 3) dehydration or 4) anxiety. I want to make sure I avoid it, whatever it was!!!

Small Things Days 13-18

Yes I've been a complete slacker on being grateful for the small things in life. So here's a huge list from the last week.

Day 13 (1/17)
1) Antenna still working in our office so we can watch silly TV shows while we organize
2) Online baby shopping so we can dream about our nursery
3) Our air purifier for our bedroom working! It wasn't working for awhile, but then we turned it on and it worked!
4) Taking the time to read for fun. I enjoyed the book club selection for this month (I had hoped I would since I picked it).
5) Shredded pork in the crockpot and being home all day to smell it cooking. Just a pork tenderloin with a bottle of Montgomery Inn BBQ sauce. Yum!

Day 14 (1/18)
1) A great burger from Red Robin.
2) Pink roses from my mom
3) Having my parents only an hour away, making it really easy to have them visit or us go to them, even just for dinner.
4) Nivea lip balm
5) My Coke Rewards--input codes from the Coke we already drink and get coupons to buy more Coke!

Day 15 (1/19)
1) Martin Luther King Jr.--I have no idea where my family (or even I) would be without a man like this standing up for Civil Rights throughout the country.
2) Holidays from work (and sleeping in a bit)
3) One stop shopping (did our grocery shopping at Wal.mart and also got stuff for the house)
4) Memory foam--pillow, mattress...mmmm
5) Anti-allergenic laundry soap

Day 16 (1/20)
1) The Biggest Loser
2) A new president who brings hope to this country
3) Online streaming of the inauguration so I could hide out at my desk watching it
4) Paper calendars--love having one in our house with birthdays of friends and family
5) Crystal Light. I'm so tired of drinking water all day every day!

Day 17 (1/21)
1) Getting straight with the library (I had a book that I checked out before my WEDDING in 2006). I paid my $15 or so and was able to check books out again!
2) The lounge in Lincoln Tower. DH ran really late from work and the car was low on gas, I didn't want to sit with it running for too long. I turned off the car, but it got really cold in there really quickly. I was so happy to find somewhere to sit and read!
3) Email. I hate dealing with work stuff over the phone b/c 1) it doesn't allow me to have a written record of what was requested and 2) it allows me to prioritize and doesn't demand my attention at that moment.
4) The season premiere of Lost. DH adores this show and sometimes I feel like we only watch what I want to. This is HIS thing. I watch with him, but have to admit that I fell asleep on the couch around 9:20. I don't think he minded because I ask too many questions and that means he gets to watch it again!
5) Tootsie Rolls, especially the flavored ones!

Day 18 (1/22)
1) Online banking. I'm paranoid about money, so I monitor our banking all the time. DH hates it when I call him and say "went to Chipotle for lunch, did you?" lol Of course it's not a judgment, it's just funny that I can see it just minutes after he checks out.
2) Slick Deals. My favorite site for finding great deals. It's where I learned about the Ann Taylor sale that got my maternity pants. It's where I find all sorts of deals on Wii things and TVs.
3) Swiffer Wet Jet for getting my floors pretty darn clean without having to scrub and bend over!
4) Spritz cookies and my fabulous friend Laura. :) Mmmmm....
5) This last one isn't such a small thing. It's my book club. More specifically, it's this great group of women that I've met online over the past 4 years (since I started planning my wedding!). All of our lives are intertwined in lots and lots of ways and I have made many, many friendships along the way. Even though there is always going to be some amount of bickering throughout the group (understandable whenever there is a large group of women), I feel like we all band together when someone is going through something awful. These women have brought out the best in me (most of the time)--I try my hardest to be a giving, loving person and really love doing so for these women. I love you girls!

Losing Weight

So apparently the bloat is gone and any bump I have is because of my uterus starting to poke out. The scale is showing the same thing--I'm back down not much above my pre-pg weight now. This also means I'm below the weight I was at my 9 week doctor's appt, so that's good :) I'm definitely not actively trying to lose weight, though! I've been eating pretty much anything I want, but at least now most normal things sound good to me (meaning I'm not having a dinner of bagel w/cream cheese and pop tarts....yet). I've been eating fruits and veggies during the day a lot, so I think that helps as well. I was still scared to hop on the scale, but was just curious (it's weird to go from weighing yourself multiple times a day (yes, I was my own science experiment--I loved seeing my weight fluctuations throughout the day) to maybe once a week). And it's really hard to allow myself to eat what sounds good, but not go overboard. I don't want to gain 75 pounds during this pg.

So yeah...I've lost a bit of weight. Creepy. But good. Definitely good.