Weight Loss Update: 216ish

I'll tell you a secret...I only weigh myself in the morning, before my shower, after I go Number Two.  If I don't need to go Number Two, I won't weigh myself that morning.  Last week was rough--I only had to go TWICE last week.  I think my body is saying, "No!  Please don't go, food!  We'll find a place for you!"

Anyway, I weighed myself this morning (the goal was to weigh myself Monday or Tuesday morning) and the first time I got 216.2.  I wasn't really centered on the scale, though, and thought the number should probably be higher so I tried again.  Honestly, I do it multiple times because my scale isn't particularly consistent.  The second time, I got 215.4.  Being the geek that I am, I knew I needed to find out which was closer to right, so I stepped back on the scale--215.4.

I'm calling it 216ish.  I'd last weighed myself and was 220, so this means I actually lose a point this week.  And if I were going to meetings, we'd celebrate "New Numbers!" (meaning I'm not in the 220's and am now in the 210's).

Hoping to see the 200's soon and I cannot wait to see a 1 in the front of that.  Onederland is a good place to be.  Of course, by the time that happens, I'll probably be trying to get pregnant again... 

I'm averaging 1.5 pounds per week, which is pretty good for me.  It's not Biggest Loser fast, but I'm able to be happy with what I'm eating and splurge a bit sometimes, too.  Of course, I haven't seen the results of this past weekend yet (that usually doesn't happen until Tuesday or Wednesday for me).  I was really, really good on Saturday, but Sunday ate a few too many sweets and then Outback Steakhouse for dinner.  Oh well--all I can do is move on.  Today is a new day!

Weekends are going to kill me

I find myself really struggling with my weight loss over the weekends.  I do really well during the week but we've been incredibly busy during the weekends and have either been away from home or too exhausted to cook.

Take this past weekend, for instance.  On Saturday my parents came up and we went out to lunch. But then we got to the evening and didn't have dinner plans (we thought we would be doing something for dinner Saturday that then got switched to Sunday), so we ran out.  Sunday The Hubby's parents were at our house and they brought bologna salad and chips for lunch.  There were donuts for breakfast.  There were cookies around.  We had pizza for dinner because everyone was exhausted from working.

I made the best choices I could in bad situations--I had half a cookie.  I only had a few chips.  Used my light bread for my bologna salad sandwich.  Got a salad and a light lunch on Saturday.  Worked out on Saturday.

I just have a feeling, though, that it isn't going to do any good.  I do my best during the weekend but still feel like I need to put forth more effort.  This coming weekend we'll be back at the in-laws' house for the whole weekend again and I'll have little control.  Again.

I'm doing the best I can, but how can everyone else splurge on the weekends and hover at slightly pudgy or overweight while I'm in the obese category and analyzing every damn bite?  I guess I end up feeling sorry for myself sometimes.  Why do *I* have to work so damned hard at this?

Couch to 5K Update

Even though we've been doing this for three or four months now, we've just moved onto week #5.  Since The Hubby and I are doing this together, we also need to take Baby Girl with us, which means the weather has to be okay and she needs to not be too cranky.  And it has to be before her bedtime (it would be nice to be able to go running around 8 or 9 now that Central Ohio has turned on Summer, but she's in bed at that point).

We're taking it slow, but this run was a HUGE ramp-up from Week #4 Day #3 (there are 3 running days per week).  You can see the whole plan here.

We went from jogging for no longer than 3 minutes (alternating with 90 second jogs) to jogging for three separate 5 minute stretches!  For someone who has never been good at or liked running, that's a big difference.

But you know what?  I finished it.  And I'm really damn proud of myself for it.  I posted it on Facebook and was so excited by the comments I got (including a "like" from the guy I dated before The Hubby who loved to run and I think always wanted me to run with him).  It also reminded me, though, of how much I've changed since college.  I can't really explain it, but I could feel the judging non-comments from some of my college Facebook friends who I participated in athletic activities with and who used to judge me for being bigger at that point and it made me self-conscious about how much weight I've gained (and lost and gained and lost and gained....) since then. 

And then I stopped feeling that way and realized that I'm living my life the way that makes me happy now.  And I'm doing something that good for me and I should be proud!  So I am.  Who cares where I came from or how I got here--I'm here and I'm trying to make myself better.  So you know what?  Go me!

Down Seven

I've been watching my food intake now for 4 weeks (tomorrow).  I've been a bit more loosey-goosey with my points-counting in the last week, especially during the weekends when I have no idea the points values when we eat out or how to account for my activity. 

To give you a view into how my body works, I give you my weekly (approximately...I've been a bit more lax on weigh-ins, too) weights.  These are all first thing in the morning, pre-shower, no clothes:

4/26: 228.4
5/3: 224.4
5/10: 225
5/17: 225
5/23: 221.4

So I'm down seven pounds overall and I think just under 2 pounds per week is a good pace over the course of four weeks.  I am very glad I stuck with the healthy eating through the mini-plateau.  I knew from past experience that my body tends to not lose for a couple of weeks, then lose a larger number, so that was helpful.  The other thing that kept me going is my outlook on this--I just want to be healthy.  I want to be able to keep up with my daughter.  I want to be able to fit through smaller openings.  I want to wear smaller clothes.  I want to be safe whenever we get pregnant again.  I want to feel good in my body.

I'm determined that eating better is going to make a difference, as will getting more exercise.  Even if the number on the scale doesn't go down, I'm doing something good for my body.  I will see and feel a difference, even if I still weigh 220 pounds.

Yesterday we did Couch to 5K week 3, day 2.  It had been awhile since we did week 3 day 1, so it was sort of rough, but it felt awesome end the end.  Baby Girl was okay in the stroller (it had been a LONG day and I wasn't sure how that was going to go), thank goodness.  I love the way my body feels after I exercise and need to find a way and some time to get more--I know I feel better when I do it.  It's just so damned hard to prioritize the exercise when I get so little time to relax each evening and need my sleep to make it through the day.  If Baby Girl is going to continue to cooperate in the stroller, maybe we can squeeze in some more jogging just before or after dinner.  I need to find a way to make it work, somehow.

Meal Plan: 3/13-3/19

I've been under the weather since last Thursday, but am hoping by Wednesday of this week we can get back outside (it's supposed to be in the mid-60s by the end of the week!) and get back into our workout routine.  I might try to push and Shred tonight, but we'll see.  I may just take one more day to rest.

Sunday: Chipotle (had to use up that buy one get one coupon!)

Monday: Whole chicken (cooked in Tupperware microwave cooker), rice, broccoli

Tuesday: Salsafied chicken--an old favorite

Wednesday: Tamale Pie (leftover from last week--we didn't cook on Saturday as we'd planned)

Thursday: American Chop Suey

Friday: BBQ Chicken Braid

Saturday: Chicken Pot Pie

Our Plan for Health

Sunday, February 27th, The Hubby and I started began our plan when we made our meal plans for the week.  We decided it was time to do something about the extra weight we are both carrying around (I first mentioned this plan here).

Essentially, the plan is to do the Couch to 5K program three nights a week, weather permitting (since we have to take Baby Girl with us if we want to do it together (except this past Sunday--my parents were in town and watched her while we went out)). We're looking at the weather forecast on Sunday to determine which nights we think we'll jog and planning on slow cooker meals for those nights (since I barely had enough time to cook dinner after we got home before Baby Girl went to bed). Then all other nights we're planning to do The 30 Day Shred. 

The Shred has three parts to it and is intended to be done every single day for 30 days (aha....thus the "30 DAY Shred"....).  Each part should be done for ten days straight.  We're trying to decide if we'll do each part ten times, switch after a couple of weeks, or just play it by ear.  Right now Part 1 is free On Demand through our cable provider (thanks to Sara for pointing this out!) and you can download each part for $1.99 on Amazon Video. 


This is what this has looked like so far:

• 2/27: The Shred, Part 1 (after Baby Girl was in bed)
• 2/28: The Shred, Part 1
• 3/1: Jogging with Baby Girl in a jogging stroller (Couch to 5K, Week 1 Day 1)
• 3/2: The Shred, Part 1
• 3/3: The Shred, Part 1
• 3/4: Jogging (Couch to 5K, Week 1 Day 2)
• 3/5: Rest (mostly because we were exhausted from being at our niece's 4th birthday party for four hours)
• 3/6: Jogging (Couch to 5K, Week 1 Day 3)
• 3/7: The Shred, Part 1

Tonight we're picking Baby Girl up from the sitter and have brought our workout clothes and the stroller to go jog on a path that runs around some baseball diamonds close to both work at the sitter's house.  It's different than jogging through the neighborhood.  And we brought reinforcements in the form of pretzels (the other times it's been Cheerios).

I'm not changing how I eat, as I really do eat pretty reasonably.  I feel like I should, but am afraid of cutting my precious milk supply and also am afraid it will cause any progress to stall out.  Unfortunately, though, I've gained five pounds in the week that we've been working out.  It's disappointing, but I'm going to chalk it up to natural variations--water, time of day, scale weirdness, etc.  I'm planning to keep this up for a month before I get discouraged by my lack of weight loss and reevaluate this plan.

I'm also drinking more water.  I've always drank at least 64 ounces of water per weekday (the weekends are another story), but am trying to get closer to 100 ounces now, which is where I was when we were losing weight before.

I can't express how helpful it is to have my husband on board with me--I don't know that I could (would?) do this without him.  We spend all of our time together, so if he wanted to lay around the house while I worked out...well, it just wouldn't happen.  The only time I've worked out without him was when he was working evenings--I was great about going to the gym while he worked.

Here we go!

Fat

I.  Am.  Fat. 

Ooh.....she said WHAT????

Yep.  Fat.  Been fat for a very long time.  I was a fat kid.  I was a fat teenager (until I stopped eating...that was a great decision).  I was a fat college student.  I was really fat around the time I graduated college and for a year or so afterward.  I topped out at 274 pounds.  No typo there...TWO hundred and seventy-four pounds.  The Hubby and I both realized we were very overweight (well, he was very overweight for his body and history) and started a little competition.  We worked together and lost a bit of weight.  We did the normal yo-yoing, but I got down to 235 for my wedding.  And then gained back 20.

After some time (about a year), I decided it was time to get serious.  I wanted a baby, after all.  So I started out on my own.  I lost a little under 30 on my own this time and got down to 228 when I started Weight Watchers in March 2008.  My weight when I got pregnant was 183, thanks to Weight Watchers (no, they are not paying me for this opinion) alone.  Whenever I would try working out, I would plateau or gain weight, no matter how much I adjusted what I was eating--more or less.  I believe in the program. 

During my pregnancy, though, I gained 50 pounds and when I delivered Baby Girl, I was approximately the same weight as I was when I got married.  I hated the way I looked when I got married, but at least now I had a baby bump. 

Everyone had told me about how easy weight loss would be while nursing, so I believed it.  I ate when I was hungry and spent my time focusing on my baby.  Apparently I was eating too much or that magical nursing weight loss just wasn't true for me.  Either way, 14 months after Baby Girl's birth, I hadn't lost more than 5 pounds from the day I came home from the hospital.  I tried to cut calories around this time and found that it cut more than that--it cut my milk supply.

Since then, I've been using my milk supply as an excuse.  It's a valid excuse, but an excuse nonetheless.  And worse yet, I've gained about 10 pounds over the winter.  I have a horrible sweet tooth and am frugal.  The Manager's Special bakery rack and cheap cake mixes were not my friend. 

I went to the doctor the other day and, although their scale has always read about 7 pounds above my home one, I weighed in there at 239.  Yuck.  Heavier than I was when Baby Girl was born.

So I need to do something.  But I still don't feel comfortable cutting calories.  That said, I'm an all-or-nothing type of girl.  If I'm going to cut some calories, I'm going to do it right--eating fruits and veggies, no cake or cookies in my house.  This is what lead to the anorexia in high school--I couldn't stop myself at just one piece of pizza.  I made a choice at that time--it was easier to stop eating almost all meals except dinner than to eat in moderation.

I, of course, regret this decision.  My husband looks at my high school pictures, where I thought I looked fabulous, and tells me I was too skinny.  If he were looking at anyone else, he would never say that, as I was a size 12 at that point.  But since he's only known the fat me, I *was* far skinnier than he's ever seen me.  And he knows how I got to that point, so he knows that I wasn't healthy skinny.

I think I let my weight go because I'm a perfectionist.  And when things feel out of control, I give up.  So when my weight goes spiraling from one splurge, I say "forget it" and binge.  I fight these tendencies every single day.  I'm like this in other aspects of my life as well--if anything gets overwhelming, I tend to remove myself from the situation rather than deal with it.  Again, this is something I'm working on.

I also have always had a lot of influence from my mother.  Growing up, I'm pretty sure she hovered around 300 pounds.  And I know she didn't want me to be like that, so she would criticize.  Not in a way that she could hear as mean, and not in a way that I necessarily *heard* as mean.  But I *felt* it as a criticism.  And when all you want in the world is to please everyone, it hurts.  And if you're trying and it's still not good enough, you give up after awhile.  So that's what I did.

Back to the present, though.  I've decided it's time.  I need to be healthier for Baby Girl.  I need to be able to go up a flight of stairs without getting winded.  I need to be able to feel comfortable in short sleeves.  I need my clothes (my fat clothes, now, since I got rid of all of my REALLY fat clothes), to fit.  I need to start to feel comfortable in my own skin.

Stay tuned for another post on what we're (The Hubby is on board, too) doing about it. 

1/30

Well, here I am, starting a new blog. I love to write out my thoughts because, quite honestly, I think too much and no one wants to listen to it all! So here it is. I'm not sure what all this blog will contain, but I do know that it will all have at least a little to do with ours plans to have a baby. It seems to be the only thing on my mind recently, so everything I do and think have something to do with those plans.

I started another blog sometime last year: http://buckeyechik.livejournal.com/ I'm discontinuing it and starting this one. Hopefully I'll be better about writing here. :)

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1/31

I just wanted to talk about the things I've already started doing to prepare my body for getting pregnant.

~ I haven't had any caffeine besides a sip here and there of pop or a Hershey's Kiss for almost 2 weeks. My PCP is adamant about the negative effects of caffeine on a baby, so I plan to not drink caffeine again until at least the 2nd trimester, if I'm really jonesing for a Coke Zero. I have some Caffeine-Free Diet Coke stocked up--why the hell can't Coke Zero come out with a Caffeine-Free version?

~ I started taking prenatal vitamins about 2 weeks ago. The first week, I had NO problems with them, but after buying a bottle and taking them, I've started feeling nauseous. I felt bad after dinner Tuesday night and then again after dinner last night. I didn't take one last night. We'll see if I continue feeling nauseous. If so, it's not the vitamins and I'll start taking them again. If I do, I'll get rid of these vitamins and try a different brand or maybe some Flintstones.

~ We've been to the gym 3-5 days a week for the past month now. I feel very happy about it and am glad to be getting into better shape. I know how much of a toll carrying a baby may have on my body, so I want it to be prepared. I also would like to lose a bit more weight before getting pregnant. My goal was to be under 200 pounds before getting pregnant, but I'm losing VERY slowly, if at all, so I just might not make it.

~ Lastly, I scheduled an appointment with a prospective OB/GYN. She's in the same clinic as my co-workers' OB. I just want to chat with her about the medicines I'm currently on (3 different ones for allergies) and whether those will be safe to continue taking once I'm pregnant. That appointment is February 17th, so we'll see what Dr. Rohl has to say to me. I'm also curious what she'll say about weight gain. I'm actually pretty healthy for 225 pounds, but I know I'd be healthier if I were lighter. Also want to know about exercise once I'm pregnant. I don't think I'll be able to continue the intensity, know that some exercise is always good, but I don't want to cause myself to miscarry or do anything that might harm a potential baby.

All that said, we're still looking at waiting until late April to start trying. If my cycles revert back to 28 day cycles like they used to be then I think our first cycle trying would start April 13th. If we conceived then, the baby would be due sometime in the middle of January. If we conceived the next cycle, the baby would be due middle of February. We just don't want to start trying, actually get pregnant the first cycle, and have the baby due around the holidays. Even with conceiving during the 4/13 cycle, baby would be due 1/18/09, theoretically. That's a little close to the holidays for my comfort, but I'm okay with it. I'm just ready to start trying :)

Of course, I know everything everyone says--we may not conceive right away, we could miscarry...I'm well aware of all the risks and things. Too aware. I'm a worrywart and read too damn much sometimes. Thus the preparations beginning in January for possibly starting to TTC in April.