The things we do...

So far in order to make a baby, we've tried....

• Pre-natals (had to quit those b/c they were making me nauseous)
• Flintstone vitamins (still take them daily)
• Temping (did it every day from the beginning of the year for almost exactly 6 months...still do it for about 10-15 days per month. This means waking up at 6:15 every single morning to stick the thermometer in my mouth)
• OPKs (used OPKs during May cycle)
• CBEFM (have been using since June cycle--I'm getting good at POAS. Used a few times away from home, which means dragging monitor to the restroom for FMU and being discreet with disposing of sticks)
• Pineapple (tried during a couple of cycles--the core is supposed to have bromelain in it, which is supposed to help with implantation)
• B6 supplements with B super complex vitamin (started at the beginning of this cycle--makes me nauseous, gassy, and acid-y every once in awhile, but not if I take it in the middle of dinner and took it the night before)
• Timing BDing (of course)
• Pre-Seed (a sperm-friendly lubricant which is supposed to simulate CM)
• Laying down for at least 45 minutes after BDing
• Elevating hips
• Legs in the air
• And finally....a conception cap (a friend sent them to me b/c she ended up not needing them! Scary, yes...but we'll see if it was worth it! If it didn't work this cycle, we'll try it again next cycle with a more voluminous "sample" from DH--it was his 3rd "sample" in 24 hours...I assumed I'd O on 1st Peak day, but didn't until 2nd Peak day)
  
  So yeah, if this kid ever claims we didn't want him or her, I just might show them this list.

9 DPO and I'm obsessing

Yup, I spoke too soon when I said the 2WW was going smoothly and I hadn't been thinking about it too much. I've been feeling nauseous off and on for the last couple of days and have had some cramping recently. I've got to think it's PMS-cramping, but of course I wonder. Ugh. Will definitely be testing Monday morning--I can't wait any longer than that!!!

Illness

I'm a person who HATES to be sick. Hate it. Maybe because I've had allergies all my life (so it seems...guess it's only been 22 or so years of my life....), but I hate blowing my nose, coughing, snotting, etc. So when DH said his throat was getting scratchy on Saturday, I tried to do what I could to make sure we didn't get sick. We didn't sleep quite as much as we should have, but I thought we did a fairly good job. Well, I guess not because he got sick. He's been home sick this whole week so far. Yesterday one of his eyes got really red and got me really concerned, so I sent him to the doctor today. He was diagnosed with viral pink eye that could turn bacterial, so they prescribed him an antibiotic that he can take if his eye starts to produce pus. So, knowing how contagious pink eye is, I'm planning on washing down every single thing in our house--twice! Ugh. His eye looks better today, so I'm hoping it's clearing itself up and doesn't start to pus. If it does.....ugh....bad news.

Have I mentioned that we're helping friends move this weekend? Yeah, bad time to be sick. So I'm REALLY hoping not to get sick (of any kind--DH has a cold AND pink eye!) before then. I'll be chugging the Airborne and getting tons of sleep just in case!!!!

Oh, and I forgot to mention what a kink this throws in our MAB plans. I got a High reading on the CPEFM this morning, which means I could O anytime in the next few days (which I doubt...it'll probably be more like 7 or 8 days!)...which means we need to get to BDing! Right, with him coughing in my face??!??!!

Planning

I'm so tired of being in my head right now. There are so many things I want to do "when I get pregnant" and I can't wait for that day to come! I think about how to tell our families...when to tell everyone else...all the planned events we have coming up and how far along I might be for them...how I want to start a new blog that will be more for our family and friends to keep them updated on the pregnancy (and not be quite so honest as I plan on keeping this one)...but there's one problem--I'm not pregnant! I mean, I'm still okay with not being pregnant, but I'm just tired of thinking about things I want to do once I am!

This time next week we'll be BDing our little hearts out, I think.

Started the CPEFM this morning since today is CD 6. POAS, inserted it, and it told me Low. Fine and dandy with me. I expect to keep getting Low until maybe next Tuesday or so. The booklet warns that I might get a High reading earlier than normal with it, but I would guess it won't be too terribly early. But we'll see. Once we get the High we'll start BDing, though! Of course, this is complicated by a couple of things: 1) DH is sick right now. I don't want to get it if it's a cold. If it's allergies we need to figure out what meds will help, but if it's a cold, I hope he gets over it soon and 2) We're helping friends move this weekend. It's going to be exhausting and even more so if I get the possible cold DH has. Bodies will be a little sore for BDing, but you'd better bet we'll still do it! (haha)

Lots of things going on in the next few weeks for us...will devote the next post to that--stay tuned!

Moving forward

CD 1 of cycle #3.

And, surprisingly, I'm fine. I kind of just "knew" that last cycle wasn't it.

So new tactics (sort of) for this cycle. Starting using the CBEFM. Going to buy sticks for it tonight. Also think we'll invest in some PreSeed, which will simulate fertile CM, which I seem to be lacking.

Not sure if I'm going to continue to temp. It's sort of become an addiction for me, as I've been doing it for 6 cycles now and I find it really interesting how the temps act based on the time of the month. So I probably will--I can't really resist.

Going to try to relax more during the 2ww this cycle. That might mean finding extra stuff to do, even. Our weekends are really full. I'll probably O around June 25th or 26th (our anniversary is June 24th!), which means we'll be BDing starting Saturday or Sunday before (while we're helping friends move....). So from about the 26th or 27th on I want to keep myself busy. The weekend of the 27th we're going to my hometown for my 10 year class reunion. But that next week might be a little bit of hell for me, trying to keep busy, knowing it's a short week (we're out of work for the 4th on Friday).

I've set my goal to get below 200 pounds before July 4th. I really don't know if it's possible since that's less than a month away to lose 9 pounds. The way I've been losing I don't think I can do it, but I'm sure as hell going to try! I've been strict with my eating and will continue to do so, but haven't been exercising. I have a hard time taking it easy with the exercising--I typically either have to work out daily for 1-2 hours or I don't work out at all. But when I start suddenly working out that hard my body sort of freaks out and holds onto the pounds for weeks or months at a time. When I don't lose for a large amount of time, I have a hard time keeping up the exercise, especially with the heat of summer bearing down upon me. So I guess I just need to find something small that I can commit to. I'd love to commit to walking every night with DH for at least a half an hour. Wonder if I can get him to commit to that. We can start tonight. We'll get home from work around 4:30, fix our WW Chicken & Pineapple Stew for dinner, I'll head to my WW meeting at 6:25, go to CVS after WW at 7:30, get home around 8:30, go out for a walk, be ready for bed at 9:00. lol Guess that doesn't leave much time for actually getting stuff done around the house, does it? Oh well, there's always Friday night...lol And maybe we could take the niece for a walk tomorrow evening when we babysit?

Okay, I'm officially babbling. But I'm excited to make a plan--I want to commit to it. I'm posting it here so maybe someone out there in blogland will hold me accountable.

I need more to read

Okay really, people...those of you with blogs...I need more to read, so y'all need to get writing!

Of course, this call isn't going to do much today since I doubt most people are going to write something up and publish it before 4. And then tomorrow and Thursday and busy days, so I won't have as much time to read...so, really, I just need something to read right now. :)

Failure

I hold myself to really high standards most of the time and have a hard time accepting failure on my own part. I'm really disappointed and feel like there's something that I could and should have done better to allow us to get pg this month. Should I be miserable for the next few months and discontinue my Zyrtec D so that I actually have some CM? Should I have started eating the pineapple earlier? Should I have done a better job keeping my tummy warm?

I could sit and second-guess myself all damn day, but at the end of it all, I'll have the same result. I'm not pg and I need to pick my ass up and just move on. So that's what I'm going to do, starting now.

This morning I weighed myself in the basement, as I usually do. This is the same scale that read 274 back in the spring of 2005. And this morning I actually saw 208 on it. The lowest I'd seen before was 210. (the ticker in my blog is tracking my WW weight) So this has given me newfound hope that maybe, just maybe, I could get below 200 before getting pg. So I'm going to work even harder now. Of course, if I could just find the Wii Fit, it might help :)

And a friend gave me her CPEFM to try this cycle--I need to go out and get the sticks and read the booklet so I know what to do. I haven't decided yet if I want to stop temping for the month or not. I actually really enjoy seeing the temps and what they do...but temping can be a hassle on the weekends and when we're away from home.

Also going to buy some PreSeed. It's the only sperm-friendly lubricant out there. I'm not generating much CM, so I'm hoping it will help replace it. If it doesn't work this cycle, I might seriously consider discontinuing my Zyrtec D for awhile. The PreSeed is sold at a pharmacy near us, so I think I/we will drive down there sometime in the next few days to price it. If it's cheaper online, I'll just buy it online and have it shipped.

And other than that, I'm going to do my best to relax. Even though I know so many people say stupid shit like "all she had to do was relax and she got pregnant" and I know it's not really true...for my own sanity, I have to try to relax and refocus. This cycle was a little crazy for me and I don't know if I want to experience one like this again!

Nervous

Posting what I might have seen this morning makes it too real--a reality I'm not sure I want to believe in just yet because of the impending consequences--increased hope, etc. So I'm not posting it. But I might be posting something good tomorrow--at least I hope to. And if not, you know I'll be here, posting the bad stuff--lamenting, crying, whining.

Cross-eyed and sad

Just spent 3 minutes staring at the stupid stick, willing a line to appear. I thought I saw one...definitely a figment of my imagination, as each time I would see it, it would be in a different place. So yeah. BFFN.

Of course, I would be losing hope right now (especially since I'm feeling a little bit crampy) if it weren't for my friend, S. She didn't get her BFP until 13 dpo. So I suppose there's still hope. Not much, though. Now I just wish AF would come so we can move onto cycle #3.

Disclaimer: Yes, I realize 3 cycle is still WELL within the normal range. And yes, I am well aware that there are MANY people to take longer than that. I had a lot of people who told me they were sure it would take us no time to get pg....and I sort of held onto that, apparently. So I'm sad. And while I know I am allowed to be sad, I feel bad for being sad since I know many, many women who waited much longer for a BFP.

They're heeeeerrrrreeee.....

I got the tests in the mail today. When I first got them, all I could think about was POAS. But right now I don't really want the disappointment of a BFN. So maybe I'll wait until Sunday. We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

All I can think to say right now is THANK GOODNESS IT'S THE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!! Woot!

Dose of reality

Just looked at a ton of triphasic charts that were BFN. Made me a little sad and gave me a horrible feeling in my gut. But at least it's reality. It may very well be the case for this month for us. But oh well--trying not to get excited but trying not to bring my hopes down too much. We'll see, I suppose. The waiting game just sucks. Tested this morning at 8 dpo and it was BFN. Of course, I figured it would be--it's pretty rare to get a BFP this early. So I'll test again tomorrow...and again the next day...and again the next...until AF shows her ugly red head.

But until then I still need something to take my mind off the 2ww. Work just isn't doing it for me today. I suppose I should try harder, though.

Fudging Temps?

I don't even know what's going on with my temps these days. I posted yesterday about my possible thermal shift from 98.0 to 98.4 between Tuesday and Wednesday. Well, this morning, I woke up (sort of) and put the thermometer in my mouth. When it beeped, I took it out of my mouth and looked at it--98.06. Hmmm...well, sometimes when temping my mouth falls open and the temp is lower than it should be. So I retook it, just in case. I hadn't moved besides putting my arm out to hit the snooze bar. Second time it was 98.41. Just because I'm neurotic, I then felt I should check it a third time, to see which was the fluke. 98.40. So I laid there awhile longer (my alarm goes off before DH's but he gets into the shower first) and took it again, just to see. 98.42. Well, it's consistently higher. Is that because I'm awake now? Or was that first one actually faulty? So I wait about 5 minutes, thinking that if it's b/c I'm actually awake, it'll go up even more. 98.49. So it went up a bit more. DH came out of the shower and asked how many times I was going to take my temp. I held up 5 fingers. Then temped for a sixth time. 98.46. Yes, I'm neurotic. And still a bit unsure. I recorded 98.41 because, honestly, that's what I want it to be because I'm seeing a triphasic chart, which could suggest pregnancy. But who knows what my true temp this morning is.

See, this is part of the problem of being based in science. I have become my own little experiment. Ugh.

7 dpo today. If I had my tests that I ordered, I theoretically *could* see a BFP today. But I'm sure I wouldn't anyway. Hope they come in the mail tomorrow so I can test on Saturday morning. That would be 9 dpo. Of course, I could start spotting any day now, really. So who knows?!??!

And I was worried...

Apparently this is what I get for being distracted this week from my weight loss and focusing more on making a baby. Take a look at that ticker over there to the right. That's right, I lost 2 pounds this week according to WW! Of course, my scales at home disagree, but who am I to argue with the WW scales??? hehe I attribute the loss to doing really well during the week (even at book club AND a work picnic last week!) and being pretty active this weekend, even though I ate pretty crappy. Still made the best choices I could when I had a choice, so I probably didn't eat my 35 flex points for the week, but I'm not sure. This weekend I'm going to try to keep active as well. I'm hoping to get a Wii Fit sometime soon, too. ;)

Of course, then there's the thought that I might actually be/get pg. I already have phantom pg symptoms....I've been nauseous since about 3 p.m. today. Ugh. I'm just going to wait until I get the tests and then I'll test and (hopefully) then I'll know. And if I were to be pg this cycle, I will need to figure out how the hell to eat. I think I should be eating more when pg, but I don't really know how to eat more while being healthy and conscious of what I'm putting into my body.

Oh well--will stress about that when/if the time comes.

I figured out tonight that if we don't get pg this month, we'll be BDing the week after helping friends move and before my 10 year reunion. Which means we'll probably either need to BD at a friend's house (ick) or at my parent's house (double ick). But we'll do whatever we've got to do! Then if we don't get pg THAT cycle, we'll be testing for cycle #4 around the time we head out to St. Louis for a wedding, assuming my cycles are all 28 days. Now that's forward-thinking for you. Or obsessing. Something.

Earlier tonight I was having a total MPD moment. Neurotic Allison would be saying "What if we missed my O? What if this thermal shift today is my actual O? What if we BD for 4 nights straight for nothing? What if something is wrong with me that is causing me to get a bunch of +OPKs?" Then calm, rational Allison says "If those things are true...we'll try again next cycle. And that's it. It's not the end of the world. Just no baby this month and I have more time to lose weight and possibly get below 200." Pessimistic Allison then chimes in "We'll probably never get pg. Lots of people were sure we'd have an easy go of it, but I'm sure that's not going to happen. My CM sucks and about the only thing I can do is go off my allergy medicine and hope that it gets better...but I'm sure it won't." And so on and so forth.....

Reflecting on the weekend

Eating this weekend was pretty awful. We went to New Riegel Friday night. I got a chicken breast and had a salad without dressing....but ate fries with it. Then Saturday we got pizza. Saturday for lunch I suggested Wendy's and wanted a grilled chicken sandwich. Guess who ended up with a Chicken Cordon Bleu? Ugh. So I peeled off the bacon and cheese and just ate the deep-fried chicken. And fries. Had cold cuts for lunch on Sunday, though, so that wasn't bad. And I actually stood up for myself and requested some baked chips as well as the greasy fried ones. I never would have done that in the past, so I'm really proud of myself. Just going to get back on the wagon today and try to be good all week and try to work in some walks.

As far as baby-making for the weekend, it was weird. Neither of us wanted to BD at the ILs and we were exhausted on Saturday night. I got some positive OPKs and some negative, so I'm totally confused about those. But my temps have stayed up since Friday, so that's a good sign that I did O on Thursday.

As for my temps, though, they're being weird. If I retake my temp one after the other, I get really different temps. I try to be consistent--put the thermometer in the same place in my mouth, keep mouth closed, stay in bed...but they're still sometimes all over the place. I think I need to stop doing that because then I just pick my favorite. lol

But we BDed for good measure last night. Who knows why, but it was okay :)

I'm tempted to go buy some PreSeed since I seem to be having some CM issues. I found a pharmacy close to my house that has it, so I wouldn't have to order it online. Just curious if it's actually cheaper to get online or in the store. I think I'll run down sometime this week.

So now I'm officially in the 2ww. It's going to be a long 10 more days, I have a feeling. No big plans between now and next week, so nothing to take my mind off it all--just counting down the days until I could conceivably test!