Nearing the end?

I might be a bit melodramatic, but I fear that breastfeeding is coming to an end for us.  For the first 6 months or so back to work, I was getting 12-16 ounces a day, depending on if she ate overnight, etc.  I'm now down to 9-10 ounces and haven't experienced any real fullness in awhile.  No, it's not horrible and I'm fully able to keep up with her daytime needs by pumping before bed, but I just feel like it's going to be my body that falters before Baby Girl gives it up, which makes me so sad.  We both love our nursing time together and I know she's going to miss it when it's time.  Lots of people have been asking when I'd be done with nursing and I couldn't come up with a timeline--I wanted to keep nursing as long as Baby Girl would have it, but it seems like it's going to be my body that ends it.

Yes, I'm probably getting ahead of myself--she was fine over the weekend and didn't need bottles or anything, so it's not getting that drastic yet.  I'm just getting anxious, realizing that this phase of our journey is slowly coming to an end.  I'm fighting with all my might to hold on, though.  I'm pumping at least 3 times a day at work and once before bed at home.  I'm drinking my Mother's Milk tea, drinking lots of water, and eating as much oatmeal as I feel I can.  I just fear I'm fighting a losing battle--not that that's going to stop me.

Ouch...

We've been nursing for over nine months now (yay us!), but baby girl has started to hurt me again.  I haven't felt pain like this since that first month.  I think it's a combination of two things: 1) side-lying nursing (we have a hard time getting a properly placed latched, but it's SO convenient for middle-of-the-night feedings, which we're doing twice a night now) and 2) her getting distracted but forgetting she's still attached.  Ouch.  She'll go to look at something and clamp down with her gums or lips and pull away.  I'm actually in a lot of pain, even just when moving around or something.  Hopefully sitting up to nurse each time and holding her closer and paying more attention to her latch will help.  For now, though, I will be popping some extra Advil!

Perspective

I know the last time you heard from me (besides my meal planning post), I wasn't doing so well.  I really appreciate the comments that you left and your good thoughts.

Things are better, but not really because of anything I've done.  I just got home that night and really realized how hard DH is trying.  It's not like he's being lazy--he just has so much on his plate with work and some home things.  He does care about baby girl's sleeping, eating, etc.  And I did make a comment to him about how I feel like I have to do and thinking about it all and he just said, "yep".  He sounded upset about it, but since then I feel like he's making a real effort to help me keep track of things and making some of the decisions.

Oh, and to respond to Liz's questions...no, he doesn't get paid any extra for all the weekend and evening work.  He actually has to tell people when he's purposefully taking Saturday and/or Sunday off (like he did this past weekend).  He's salary and gets paid the same amount whether he works 40 hours or 100.  And it's just the expectation that he'll be available whenever anyone needs anything unless he tells them otherwise.  He's the go-to guy around there.  It's frustrating for both of us, but he doesn't feel like he can do anything about it right now.  He is trying to train other people so they can answer calls and do things on their own, so hopefully it will get better soon...

So we're trying.  And it's gotten better for now.  Hopefully we can keep communicating.  I know I tend to shut down when I get frustrated and just take it all on myself.  I feel like if I have to make the effort to tell him what I need, I may as well just do it myself.  But I'm working on that.

Meal Plan 5/9-5/15

Sunday: Pasta & Meatballs
Monday: Chicken Kebabs
Tuesday: BBQ Chicken Braid (made from leftover 20 to 40 Clove Garlic Chicken)
Wednesday: Breakfast (pancakes, scrambled eggs, and turkey bacon)
Thursday: Turkey Burgers & Grilled veggies
Friday: Tacos
Saturday: Grilled Chicken & Veggies

Of course, all of this is dependent upon The Hubby going and getting propane tonight...

Boo Boo

(originally scheduled for 5/1--not sure why it didn't post then)

I won a fantastic photography shoot giveaway through Two Peas in a Pod Designs for a shoot with Britt Lakin.  I knew Britt already through a message board, but had never met her in person.  We had a fantastic time--she's so fun!  It was such a great experience to be able to get some photos of all three of us, too.

While there, however, we had a bit of a mishap.  Baby girl was up on a step and Daddy had stepped back to allow for the shot.  Baby girl didn't realize how big the step was and fell off of it onto her face.  It wasn't anyone's fault at all, but was still pretty scary for all of us!  She was fairly fussy for the rest of the shoot, but once we headed home, she perked right up and never really seemed to notice her boo boo after that.  But this is what we looked at for the next 5 days or so:

Sort of pathetic looking, isn't it???

Tired.

I'm tired.  I'm tired of Baby Girl's sleep getting worse.  I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one taking care of her.  I'm tired of only talking to my husband long enough each day to fight with him.  I'm tired of fighting with him.  I'm tired of him having to run into work when we're supposed to be spending time together.  I'm tired of pretending that that's okay.  I'm tired of not being able to see an end to this situation.

I'm tired of trying to be proactive with Baby Girl's sleep.  I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only one who really cares about how she sleeps.  I'm tired of being the only one impacted when she doesn't sleep.  I'm tired of being afraid to admit that she's slept the last 3 hours of the last 2 nights in our bed.  I'm tired of feeling like the only good sleep we get is when she's in our bed.  I'm tired.

I'm tired of not having enough time to do what I want.  I'm tired of not having enough energy to do what I need. 

I'm tired of coming to work.  I'm tired of coming to work to find that I have no personal relationships anymore.  I'm tired of then turning to the people in my computer for 8 hours a day because I have no one else to talk to.  I'm tired of not being able to focus on my work. 

I'm tired of worrying.  I'm tired of thinking.  I'm tired of trying to hold my household together with virtually no help.  I'm tired of feeling guilty when I do take a break.  I'm tired of looking at all the dirt and mess around the house.  But I'm too tired to do anything about it.  I'm tired of, when The Husband finally does give me a break, having a child who has become so accustomed to having mommy come crawling over and pulling up on mommy's laptop.  I'm tired of having to be the mean one.  I'm tired of having to be the one who decides what we're having for dinner, then cooking it while Daddy gets to play.  I'm tired of not really want to play, either, though.

More than anything, I'm tired of feeling like a failure at everything.  I'm tired of feeling stretched so thin that I can't give my all to any one thing in my life. 

So. Damn. Tired.

Meal Plan 5/2-5/8

Sunday: BBQ Chicken Pasta and HG's Sassy and Steamy Artichoke (I loved both of these!  DH wasn't so sure about the artichoke.  We only made the buttery dipping sauce.)

Monday: Easy Weeknight Chicken Teriyaki

Tuesday: 40 clove garlic chicken

Wednesday: Quesadillas

Thursday: Either frozen pizza & breadsticks or we'll go out with my parents for DH's birthday

Friday: Grilled chicken & veggies

Saturday: Out for DH's birthday celebration

One step closer

This past week baby girl had started trying to stand on her own for a couple of seconds.  Today, though, she has stood by herself for at least 15 seconds a time a few times.  She starts laughing and eventually tumbles into my lap.  Cutest.thing.ever.

I am SO not ready for this...the doctor said once she started this, walking isn't that far away.  Eek!

Nine month doctor appointment

Weight: 17 lbs 11 oz (about 30th percentile, which was a drop and bothered me, but with how active she is, the doctor wasn't worried whatsoever)
Height: 27 1/4 in (over 40th percentile, which was a jump up from last time)
Head circumference: 75th percentile (doctor says she has a big brain ;) )

He was really impressed and surprised by how much she's moving.  He said he doesn't see that much moving or pulling up with so much ease very often in kids her age, so that made us feel really good!  He did say that since she's starting to stand without holding onto anything she'll be walking soon.  Eek!

Only thing that might have been wrong was that he heard a heart murmur (insert panicky mom here).  He says it's really common at this age, as sometimes the heart doesn't grow quite fast enough to keep up with the blood flow and that it should resolve itself within a few visits.  He says if it doesn't, we'll go see a cardiologist, who will tell us everything is fine.  He says not to worry...not easy to do!!!

We then asked questions about feeding.  Our next step will be to give her peas, pasta, and then, if we want, chunks of meat since we've already been giving her mashed potatoes and Cheer.ios and chunks of green beans.  He said we can give her bites of casseroles and things, too.  She'll love that!  He said to wait on yogurt until 11 months and other milk products after a year.   He also confirmed that she doesn't need water and won't become dehydrated because there is plenty of water in breastmilk.  Will need to make sure to tell my mom and the sitter.

The last part of the appointment was a finger stick to pull blood to test iron levels and lead levels.  She was quite the champ--whined a teeny bit, but no crying at all and just seemed a teeny bored by the whole ordeal. 

What happens when you stock up on diapers...

...but buy too much of one size and are, therefore, tempted to put your baby in a size long after they should move out of them...

(yes, she's playing with a hanger.  No, her clothes don't match--those are the clothes the sitter sent her home in after she had a blowout (which you can see why, from the diaper!))

Connected

I feel absolutely no need to be connected to the world 24/7.  I love my computers and am connecting myself to people during work and even in many hours in the evenings.  But I just don't feel the need to essentially have a computer on me at all times of the day.  I like to disconnect every once in awhile.

I know some people who have their devices and are able to put them down, but there are far too many people these days who rely on their electronics.  I'm not a texter--I don't see the need.  No, I'm not a fan of talking on the phone, but if I need to ask someone something, I just call them or email them.  The husband and I will text maybe 10 times a month, mostly b/c he's in meetings a lot and if I need to get ahold of him to tell him I'm leaving work or something, that's when we'll do it.  We don't have full conversations that way, though.

I guess it really just annoys me because of the people who think they're multi-tasking by texting/emailing/surfing while in meetings or while they're supposed to be having conversations with you.  It's obvious they aren't paying attention to where they physically are and that's just rude.  If I'm giving up my time to be with you, you should give your attention to me in return.  Plus we can get this meeting out of the way more quickly if you just pay attention. 

I'm seeing this need to be connected running rampant around work.  Almost everyone has some sort of fancy device to connect to the outside world.  Has it come in handy before?  Absolutely.  My coworker just took pictures of some notes I took on the dry erase board and emailed the picture to me.  But is it typically more a hindrance than anything?  YES.  If this meeting is that unimportant to you, then why are you here?  Couldn't I just tell you what we talked about when we're done?  I'll have to do that anyway.

(and now you can all go back to surfing your on iPhone or Blackberry...I know some of you probably even read this post on one!  I hope you're not offended...I just think we're losing the value of in-person interaction.)

Nine Months Old

Nine months...how did we get here?  You've been here with us for longer than you were in my belly (from the time of conception, that is--I counted the days!).  Some days I feel like it was just yesterday that I was feeling you squirm around in my belly and then that day, nine months ago, that we finally met you.  But then other days I can't remember my life before you.

At nine months old, you're just recently wearing size 3 diapers.  You're starting to wear 6-9 month size clothes (we usually have to cuff the pants and sometimes even the sleeves), but are still able to wear most of the 3-6 month stuff.  Tomorrow we'll find out how you've been growing (and you have been!).

You still love to nurse--it's the only thing that can soothe you when you're extra grumpy.  We only get a few nursing sessions a day while I'm at work (morning, evening, then whatever happens overnight), but we both savor every moment (except when you're pinching my bo.ob--that still hurts pretty bad).  I love to look into those big brown eyes while you gaze back at me.  I still can't believe my body has provided for you for this long.

You're quite the eater overall.  You have cereal made with pear juice in the morning and fruits and veggies for lunch and dinner.  So far you've had: carrots, sweet potatoes, squash, green beans (both whole and pureed), peas, zucchini, avocado, bananas, applesauce, pears, and peaches.  You've got quite the set of pinchers on you and have mastered picking up food like green bean pieces and Cheer.ios.  You now know the color of bowl we keep the Cheer.ios in and get excited whenever we get them out.  You get mad when we tell you the Cheer.ios are "all done". 

You're the busiest little girl I've ever seen.  You're into everything and crawling and pulling up everywhere.  You can pull up on a flat wall, which is a really funny thing to watch!  You love to explore and are so curious about everything around you.  You're also pretty easily distractable--you could be headed toward one toy, but if another is in the way, you might stop to play with it instead (or you might just try to crawl right over it, no matter what it is!).  You prefer to be upright at all times.

You love your daddy fiercely, but I think you're still a mommy's girl.  Over the last month we've spent a lot of time together because of Daddy's work schedule and I think that's attached you even more.  Sometimes it's frustrating (like when I just want to go to the bathroom!), but most of the time I love to turn around and see you crawling like a mad-woman to get to me.  You can move really quickly!

Soon you're going to be walking and I'm not sure I'm ready.  You're starting to let go of things and stand on your own for a few seconds at a time--thank goodness you've become quite the graceful faller! 

Your favorite thing to do at home is to pull up on the windowsill (we have one that's no more than a foot off the floor) and watch the goings-on outside.  You love to watch other little kids, cars, motorcycles, and even just the trees blowing in the wind.  I'm excited for the weather to turn warm (as much as I truly hate warm weather) so we can spend even more time outside, where you seem to thrive.

Your sleeping continues to be a struggle for us.  Some days we'll think we've got it under control, then you'll shake things up.  Last week, for instance, we were at a point where you'd sleep 7 p.m. to 3 a.m., get up and eat, then go back to sleep until 6:30 a.m.  This week, however, you've been up all sorts of odd hours and then getting up for the day at 5 a.m., which is WAY too early for all of us!  Mommy still thinks there are teeth coming, but who really knows.  If I keep saying it, it eventually has to be true!

You have the biggest smile that just melts my heart.  You're sometimes shy about showing it to new people you meet, but when we get you alone, you don't stop smiling!

You also now wave!  It's the cutest thing (well, to this mommy, anyway).  You won't do it on command, but I suppose we should get used to that, shouldn't we?  :)

You giggle and babble nearly constantly now and my favorite time is when we're in the car and you sit in the back and tell me all about your day.  We've heard so many consonants from you: B, D, F, H, L, M, N, P, T, V.  I was so happy to hear "mama" finally.  Of course your words aren't directed at anyone in particular, but it's still a beautiful sound to hear.

You had your first real boo-boo this month and it scared your mommy and daddy a lot.  I finally have a picture uploaded and will do another blog post on it either today or tomorrow.  You, of course, were fine within a few minutes--it amazes me how resilient you are.  Usually a hug from mommy or daddy and you're off again!

I love you, baby.  I hope you'll never ever doubt that.  Even through the sleepless nights and grabby hands (you love to get ahold of Mommy's hair and tug HARD), I can't imagine my life without you in it.  Thank you for being such a happy blessing in my life, Sugarbear.

Love always,
Mommy

NIAW

This week (April 25-May2) is National Infertility Awareness Week.  While I know I haven't been touched personally by my own infertility (although I had a gut feeling that we would...we did get a diagnosis of semi-fertile), this is a subject that touches my heart deeply.  I've shared in the joys and sadness of so many people who have suffered from infertility.

I have many feelings about the topic, but don't think I can do them justice and also don't want to make any of my friends who are currently suffering feel like I think I know what you're going through or have gone through.  I don't and I never will.  But just know that my heart aches for all of you to be able to reach your goals of becoming parents. 

This post is in honor of all those warriors out there and to make you all more aware of the topic.  I read a few blogs of women who are currently suffering and I'm sure they can speak much better than I can on infertility.  Please visit them and educate yourself--try to get a feel for what they might be going through.  And, if you're the praying type, say a prayer for them.  I do every single day.

A Little Pregnant
Happy Hopefuls
The Adventures of Taderbaby
...Expect Miracles...
Maybe If You Just Relax....

...as well as a few more

How timely!

A blog that I coworker pointed me toward is discussing teething this week.  The post from today is a really interesting read:  http://www.secretsofbabybehavior.com/2010/04/truth-about-teething-part-i-is-it.html

I was just asking another mommy friend about her experiences with teething and she noticed that her son's teething wasn't actually associated with drooling.  She thought her kid was weird, but according to this site, the "typical" symptoms aren't regularly actually associated with teething. 

Maybe I'm not such a nutcase to think that baby girl might be (finally) getting some teeth.  She did seem to be in some pain (which I can imagine would be the case) and has been chewing on some things, but no excessive drool or the other symptoms that some people note.

Meal Plan 4/25-5/1

Sunday: Chinese take-out, as my mom was at the house until about 7:30 and we still hadn't eaten
Monday: Lasagna Soup that didn't end up anything like a soup.  It was more the consistency of a Johnny Marzetti type of dish...but it was still delicious!  We made it with ground turkey that I found on manager's special and we had it with salad and cheese-stuffed biscuits (took refrigerated biscuits, separated in two, put pizza cheese blend in the center, made a ball, put some Italian Seasoning on top, then baked until done).
Tuesday: Jessica Simpson Chicken & Dumplings from some frozen rotisserie chicken from last week
Wednesday: Grilled chicken with sweet potatoes
Thursday: More pork tacos (leftovers from last week were frozen)
Friday: Frozen pizza and breadsticks (had a freebie coupon for the new Digiorno product--there's nothing on the DiGiorno website about this product, so the link takes you to a $3 coupon Facebook)
Saturday: Black Beans and Rice

Random Musings

I have three posts that I'm planning to write up, just need to upload the pictures (and, for the third, trying to make sure I don't alienate any of my readers).  Stay tuned!  For now, here are some random things that I'm thinking about:

- Do other people plan their blog posts and Facebook status updates while they're away from their computers?  I'll think, "Gee, that would make a great FB status" or "Ooh, I need to blog about this".  Problem is, I don't write down what I'm thinking, so it never makes it to the computer.

- Working on a big project for the hubby's 30th birthday.  Gathering letters from friends, family, and coworkers to put into a scrapbook for him.  It's really interesting to see what I'm getting from different people.  One person sent in a photo that I love :)  Sent out a final reminder today so I can work on it this weekend.

- Also along the birthday front--I'm going to give him small notes/gifts each day until the big day.  Today I began the countdown--10 days left until his birthday!  I left a note on his car since we park in the same garage.

- Had a really rough night of sleep last night.  Baby girl was awake at 11, 12, 12:30, 1, and 1:30.  I nursed her at 1:30 and she ate well, but when she popped off, she passed out.  I laid there for a minute, just holding her--it felt so good!--then I got up and stood there watching her.  She'd rolled over onto her belly and looked so peaceful.  If I could have been sure she wouldn't roll onto the floor, I would have considered leaving her there to sleep with her daddy (I was perched on the edge of the bed, so I couldn't have slept that way for the rest of the night).  I picked her up and went and laid her in her bed, where she slept the rest of the night. 

- The rough night of sleep was caused by a visit from my mom, where baby girl was kept awake for too long after she was sleepy.  *sigh*  The issues with my mom deserve a whole separate blog post, though...

- We're finally caught up on laundry!  I think it's the first time in years and we both feel great about it!  Now we just have to make sure we stay caught up.

- Trying to figure out how to store restaurant coupons so we don't forget we have them.  I have some on the fridge, but am getting too many to do that with.  My other coupons are in manila envelopes, so I could do that, but I'm afraid I'd forget to use them, then.  As it is, they lay on the dining room table in a pile with our magazines.  Ugh--I hate the clutter!!!

- Baby girl shook her head no to me today for the first time.  She was eating her barley cereal and she must have been done because just looked at me and shook her head.  I offered 2 more times (who knew if that's really what she was doing???) and she still didn't want anymore. 

- She has also started letting go when she's pulled up on something.  She can balance for a few seconds, then will fall down.  Luckily, most of the time she falls gracefully!

- The husband's working hours have gotten pretty ridiculous.  We were having our first full weekend without him working since the beginning of 2010...and then something went wrong and he had to go in on Sunday for about 2 hours.  Not a huge deal, but still disappointing.  I know he was really bummed about it, too.  I, though, had a pretty bad breakdown about it all one night this past week.  We've talked and I hope things will be better and I won't feel like the pressure of the world is on my shoulders.

- We're back on the healthy eating kick.  The husband is feeling pretty tubby and I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror, so it's time.  I bought a bit more fruits and veggies yesterday at the grocery.  It's really helpful that he's on board, too.  He was the one who suggested getting more salad stuff, so I did.  If we can't find time to work out, at least we can start trying better with the eating.

- Made yummy banana bread yesterday.  I just love to bake--I wish I had a bit more time for it!  I miss baking and crafting and reading, but just put my daughter and my time with the hubby first.  I should try to find a craft to do, though, in the evenings while the husband and I are watching TV.  Should I get back into knitting, scrapbooking, cross-stitching, sewing, or work to make my photography skills better?  Hmmm...decisions....

- Today is National Pretzel Day!  How fitting....it's one of my favorite foods!!!  I could eat soft pretzels any day, if you remember my post here....  I'll be eating little pretzel balls, maybe some other hard pretzels, and just to celebrate I'll probably have a soft pretzel tonight :)

Daddy is just a word

No, this isn't going to be as philosophical as the title might suggest...

I was just thinking this morning.  In all the languages I know (and taking information from here), "father" starts with P (padre, papa) or B (baba).  So who decided that Daddy would also mean Father in English?  I think it was the men.  When babies start talking, what is the first consonant sound they make?  "Da".  Seems like a conspiracy to me.  They use the P and B sounds, too, but the very first one is usually the D.  I think dads just wanted to believe that the first word their baby says is "Daddy".

Just my thinking, though....

Meal Plan 4/18-4/24

Sunday: Shepherd's Pie (finally)
Monday: BBQ Chicken Salad (bought a rotisserie chicken for use twice this week)
Tuesday: Black Bean Pizza
Wednesday: Pulled Pork Tacos
Thursday: Leftover Pulled Pork Tacos
Friday: Slow Cooker Black Beans and Rice
Saturday: Some new chicken dish that uses cooked chicken (thus the need for the rotisserie chicken)--I'll update this later.  It's written down at home somewhere.



I'd like to try these at some point this week (only a half batch, though): Tie Dyed Sugar Cookie Bars  I also don't know if I'll make the icing as fancy or if I'll just ice them with white icing.  We'll see how motivated I am. :)

Last Night

Last night was exceptionally bad.  Bad bad bad.

Baby girl went to bed fairly easily at 6:50 (normal bedtime) or so.  She was awake at 9:45, screaming like she was in pain. Well, she sort of was...she had pulled a blanket off the edge of her crib and gotten tangled in it.  Scary for all of us. DH got her back to sleep, though, and pushed all the blankets to the end of her crib.  She woke around 10:15 and he went back up and got her to sleep, removing everything from her crib, just in case.  She was then awake at midnight.  DH went to her and she wouldn't go to sleep for him, so he came and got me.  She passed out on my shoulder before I could even sit in the rocking chair.  So I swayed with her to get her to sleep, then got her into her crib.  Back to bed.  I laid there awake for about 25 minutes when she woke up again...same routine, except she felt a little chilly, so I covered her with a crocheted blanket (less likely to suffocate...I hope). 

She then woke up at 3 (I think?) and the husband went and got her.  He brought her to me and I fed her while laying down and must have fallen asleep.  I jerked awake about 15 or 20 minutes later and she was limp.  I was so scared.  It felt like a minute passed, but I'm sure it was less than a second.  She moved and looked up at me and giggled.  Just sleeping...*sigh*  But, of course now she isn't sleeping.  Now she wants to play.  I tried to get her to lay down, but she was crawling all over our bed.  DH got her and took her back to her crib.  She wasn't interested in sleeping, but wasn't upset, either, so he laid her down awake and left the room.  I knew that blanket was in there and with her being awake, was afraid she was squirming all around the bed, getting tangled.  She had gotten quiet, so around 4 I got up and checked on her--sleeping like an angel, not really even close to the blanket. 

I ended up laying in bed watching some cake-decorating show for awhile and finally passed out.  She didn't make another peep until morning.

Last week was good--she was waking one time per night, eating, going right back to bed.  She even did it Saturday night (she typically sleeps pretty poorly Saturday and Sunday nights b/c she doesn't nap well, but she napped for us this weekend!).  I had a feeling we were over the hump with the sleep issues.  We were completely happy with that one easy waking a night.  But last night....ugh.  That was bad. 

What a looooong night. I still don't know if I can go through this again with another baby someday.

If she slept, why don't I feel rested?

I am officially jinxing myself here, but at this point, I don't think I care.  Last night baby girl went down really easily, woke up for a few minutes around 10:30 p.m. (as we were getting in bed), then didn't wake until 6 a.m. 

So why am I yawning and ready to fall asleep??  Oh wait, because I had to stay up later than I wanted last night.  I would have loved to go to sleep around 9 p.m.  Why didn't I go to bed?  Well, here's what my night looked like:

4:30 Leave work and drive to the sitter's
5:10 Pick up baby girl
5:11-5:30 Sing silly songs, talk baby talk, all in the interest of keeping baby girl happy
5:30 Get home with baby girl
5:31 Get baby girl out of her car seat and sit her on the floor and she starts to play
5:35 Go into kitchen to discover that an ingredient of dinner is missing
5:36 Go back to living room to figure out what I can make with the ingredients I have
5:45 Still searching for dinner plans, watching baby girl pull up repeatedly on the faux marble window sill, knowing she needs a bath, but wanting to get dinner started and figure out what I can make
5:50 Find something to make for dinner, but don't want to leave baby girl pulling up in the living room (she'll just head back to the living room if I bring her into the kitchen), so I sit and watch her and wait for daddy to come home (who was supposed to be home at 5:30)
5:55 Think about giving baby girl a bath, but figure daddy will be home ANY MINUTE, so I'll wait for him to get home and give her a bath while I fix dinner
6:10 Daddy walks in the door
6:10:01 I go into the kitchen to try to whip something up, knowing baby girl should be nursing by about 6:30
6:11 I find the missing ingredient buried in the fridge.  Back to Plan A.
6:12 Rushing around, working on dinner, daddy gets to play with baby girl.  He thinks this is helpful.
6:15 Pull out baby girl's dinner.  Daddy keeps playing.  I keep cooking and cleaning.
6:30 I go pick up baby girl and plop her in her highchair to feed her her green beans.  Daddy says, "Oh, I can do that".  I tell him I've got it at this point.
6:35 Baby has been fed.  I realize dinner is done and ask for help getting it out of the oven. 
6:36 Dinner is out of the oven, I nurse baby girl
7:00 Daddy takes baby upstairs while I put together pictures to send to grandma
7:10 Daddy comes back downstairs and we eat dinner together while watching The Biggest Loser.  On the laptop. Because the DVR failed. 
8:00 Daddy falls asleep on couch
8:30 I get out my pump parts, get pissy that Daddy can sleep while I have to extract food for the baby.  Pump while watching the rest of the Biggest Loser and other TV.
9:20 Turn off the pump.  Go to look for the pieces to finish up the taxes.  Daddy still sleeping.  Doesn't even realize tomorrow is Tax Day.  Hasn't done anything to help with taxes.
9:25 Find the document I need.  Sit down and review all taxes information
10:15 Finish up taxes.  E-file.
10:16 Put away breastmilk that has been in cooler on the counter all evening.
10:17 Put away all dinner dishes.
10:18 Pack up pump to take back to work
10:19 Pick up baby toys that I just stubbed my toe on.
10:20 Set alarm and go upstairs, get ready for bed, and fall into bed.  Daddy joins me shortly thereafter.

I guess I'm just really frustrated that all Daddy has to do in the evenings is come home late, play with the baby, do what I ask of him if I ask, and sleep.  I, on the other hand, take care of dinner (deciding on meal, shopping for ingredients, prepping, cooking, cleaning up), make sure the child is fed (nursing, making food, buying food, pumping, prepping for pumping) and bathed (including remembering to do it, even though I've mentioned it before), make sure our household is put together (all financial tasks, filing taxes, trying to figure out an organizational system)...and it goes on and on.  I'm tired fucking exhausted.  I can't do it anymore. 

(This is all the beginning of a bigger conversation that I want to have...all about the expectations we have, both imposed by society and ourselves, and what motherhood looks like to different people.  I've been reading a book and want to share some of it here.  For now, though, I have to be done writing or I might go crazy  hurt someone  cuss out my husband  cry.)

I...

I feel like I've lost sight of who I am, outside of being a mommy.  In an effort to focus on that, I've made the following list.

I...

...am a wife
...am a musician
...am a diehard Buckeye fan
...believe wholeheartedly in balance and fairness
...am too hard on myself
...wear my heart on my sleeve
...have a *touch* of road rage
...swear like a sailor
...am a friend
...like to read
...am a crazy deal-seeker
...love to dance
...am a volunteer
...love to sing
...have crazy allergies
...could sleep 15 hours a night
...love fun socks
...hate the sound of people chewing
...have a weakness for all things sweet-tasting
...love to play board games
...love the smell of the rain
...hate the sound of thunder and the sight of lightning
...act like a kid sometimes
...love to snuggle
...have always tended to act older than I am
...was considered a genius in my previous life
...love math
...love brain teasers
...hate the idea of doggie kisses
...am a cat person
...dislike chocolate ice cream
...am a curvy girl
...could eat food from the grill every night
...love to look at the stars
...was one test away from being a Mensa member
...am a television addict
...love all reality shows
...am a crafter
...have ADD when it comes to crafting
...am an engineer
...am a slob at heart
...have a brain that never stops going and usually focuses on at least 3 things at once
...have an unhealthy relationship with food
...am a clotheshorse
...am a fan of pretty much all sports
...prefer college football to professional
...am anxious
...want to be liked more than anything else
...can be passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive
...am a Christian (but am really ashamed to admit that this didn't come to my mind earlier...need to work on that)
...am a planner
...hate politics



...have always been and will always be a mommy.

Mommy/Daddy Relationship: Talk to me

I have a lot of feelings and things to say on this topic, but I'm curious, first, to see what you think.

How has your relationship with your husband changed since having kids?
How has it stayed the same?
What do you do to stay connected?

I'm not even talking about the physical relationship today (that's a whole 'nother blog post), but, rather, the emotional connection.  My husband is (was?) my best friend, but lately it doesn't feel like we talk at all.  I don't know if it's the kid or his work or a combination.

But I want to hear from YOU.

An Update

Thank you all so much for the comments on my Friday post! 

My update is that there really isn't much of an update to speak of.  Baby girl seems to be feeling better.  Didn't have to wipe her nose yesterday except after the trauma she experienced (see the next post for details on that...), but then this morning she had more snot again.  Everyone at the hospital (not related to the trauma--we went and met our new baby nieces!) thinks she's working on teeth based on her chewing on her hands, but I'm losing hope.  No tooth. 

For those of you whose children get The Snot when they're teething, do you notice it more or less at certain times of day?  We can't correlate it to when she lays down or the time of day, even.  Some times she's totally dry and then others we have a consistent river of clear snot running down her face.  That doesn't seem cold-like, but I wondered if anyone else had ever seen anything like that with teething snot.

Mommy and Daddy has, thus far, avoided The Snot.  I had to fight it like crazy, drinking OJ like it was my job, scrubbing my hands until they were raw...but so far, no snot in either one of us.

And as for taking care of baby all day on Saturday?  My parents came up to visit and gave me a bit of a reprieve.  She's quite the mommy's girl, so whenever I was in the room, she was all over me, but I was able to sneak out to CVS for a little while, which was really nice.

Poor baby and poor me

Baby girl isn't feeling well.  Last week the brother & sister at the sitter's were out spending the week with their grandparents. The little boy came back with a cold.  Shortly after they returned, baby girl starts to get snotty.  For the first day or so, it seemed like her other two colds--thin, runny snot, but still acting like a happy little lady.  The first full day with the cold, though, she came home from the sitter's with her chest soaked with drool.  I just figured it was because she had to breathe out of her mouth since her nose was stuffy.

After another two days, though, I'm not so sure that's the case.  This drool is like nothing I've ever seen from my baby.  It's constant, pools on the floor as she's on her hands and knees, soaks everything she touches.  She also has been getting extra fussy randomly.  She also woke up at 3:40 this morning and wouldn't go back to sleep.  As long as we didn't try to get her to sleep, she was happy to climb on mommy and daddy and drool all over our bed.

This has got to be teeth.  Seriously.  8 1/2 months old with no teeth, all of a sudden drooling like never before, chewing on things (a bit more than normal--she's always chewed a ton)...

I say poor me because, for one, I'm exhausted right now.  More tired than I've been in a long time.  I think my body is trying to fight off her cold and it's pretty difficult to do when you've been awake since before 4 a.m.

For another, my ILs are going to spend the night with us, at least tonight, and possibly tomorrow night.  This wouldn't be an issue if our house were in any way presentable.  With all the hours the hubby has been working, I've just been doing the bare minimum, just enough to be sure the kid doesn't ingest anything and we have enough dishes to cook on (when we cook).  So that means that as soon as we eat dinner (yes, it's 7:45 p.m. and we haven't eaten dinner) we'll need to at least make the basement useable so they can get to their bed.

Speaking of all the hours the hubby as been working....this is the real "poor me" reason....he's working all day tomorrow.  Like 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. all day long.  And because I still think baby girl has some sort of cold, I don't want to take her out and expose others (most importantly, not our nieces that should be born sometime tonight (edited to add: our nieces that were JUST born!)) to her possible sickness.  So I'm stuck in the house with a possibly sick, possibly teething baby all by myself.

Dinner Fail-ish

Tonight (as has been true for many nights recently) DH is working late. I successfully made a stop at Walgreen's with baby girl to pick up some pictures, got her dinner, gave her a bath, nursed her, and got her to bed without much of a fuss. I came downstairs, got frustrated with how messy the house is, and sat down and played online for awhile. I realized I was hungry, went poking around online, looking for ideas for a single serving dinner, and found some pancake recipes. No way was I making them from scratch, but I remembered that we had baking mix out there, so I made my way to the kitchen and whipped up some banana pancakes (my favorite).

I should stop here and clarify. I'm a pretty good cook. I do all the cooking in our household except grilling (just b/c DH likes to do it) and breakfast. So I haven't made pancakes in a loooong time.

I sliced the bananas and poured the batter over top like I typically did. I tried to make two separate pancakes that then turned into one. So I went with it and poured batter over the rest of the pan. I tried to flip the pancake and,....it became one big lumpy mess. I tried to flatten it enough that it would cook through. Then when I went to flip it back over, I just cut it in half. What a mess.

I then made a second large pancake and, while it was a bit better than the first, it was still a total mess. See the results:

You see? A mess. I actually didn't end up needing the syrup or the spray butter, though; the bananas were enough. I wish I were eating peanut butter--that always goes well with the banana pancakes.

As you can see from the picture below, they still tasted fantastic!!!

Meal Plan 4/4-4/10

Sunday: boneless chicken wings and mac & cheese
Monday: Manwich (made with ground turkey and served on those thin buns) with cheesy veggies, tater tots, and a whole wheat roll
Tuesday: turkey burgers (again served on the thin buns--I got a deal at the Pepperidge Farm Outlet even though I already had some) and sweet potato fries
Wednesday: shepherd's pie
Thursday: something chicken-y
Friday: not sure (hubby is working late, plus we're expecting the arrival of ILs because we'll be aunt & uncle two times over this weekend)
Saturday: no clue--hubby is working all day and we'll be hosting the ILs because of the birth of our nieces

Nothing too out-of-the-ordinary this week. We needed to eat out of the cupboards (I rearranged them this weekend, so I became very aware of what was in there!), so these were the simple things I came up with. Made a quick run the grocery last night to pick up some produce (trying new veggies--got an artichoke and an eggplant!) & dairy and walked out of there spending $40. Ugh. You know why? Sale Easter candy. It wasn't even *that* cheap, but all of a sudden, those Hershey Kisses, Cadbury Mini Eggs and Starburst Jelly Beans sounded SO good!

Pincher Grasp

Over the last few weeks, baby girl has been practicing her pincher grasp. I must say that she's getting really good at it! She can now proficiently get lint, dirt, small pieces of paper, and chunks of dinner from-who-knows-how-long-ago into her mouth. Oh, and she's also now eating (under our close supervision) Cheerios and chunks of green beans, all without any teeth. She's actually getting really good at picking up things with those two little fingers and getting them into her mouth.

You know how she got so good? Practice, baby. And guess what she's been practicing on? Oh yeah. My boob. While she nurses, she lays there and pinches my boob-skin over and over again. I have all these little red marks all over me from where she gets me with those teeny little pinchers. Why don't I stop it? Well, I did. But then I got tired of trying and, well, I looked into the big brown eyes of a baby who wasn't maliciously trying to hurt mommy (right, baby?) and thought, why not let her practice. She's never going to get better any other way. At least that's what I tell myself. It makes the pain a little better.

Hopping On

Well, I'm back on the wagon again. I saw some pics of me with baby girl from this weekend and I wasn't happy, to say the least. I'm still nervous about cutting calories, especially since my milk supply has been lagging a bit recently (having to pump every night before bed to keep up now, whereas before I would pump maybe 2-3 nights a week and all of that would go into the freezer). But I need to get healthy, even if it doesn't necessarily mean weight loss right now.

When I lost weight before, I actually didn't exercise. My body, for some reason, doesn't like to let the weight come off with exercise. I was eating well, doing the Couch to 5K program, and couldn't lose any weight. I would try eating more and eating less and saw zero results. The minute I stopped exercising regularly, the weight came off. It might be finding the balance between eating enough for the exercise I do, but I didn't have the patience to do it since just eating right was working for me.

This time, though, I want to be in shape and my weight can do whatever it wants. I'm going to start tracking my food, which does seem to help me be more conscious of what I put into my mouth and eating more fruits and veggies. But I'm still going to allow myself some ice cream and cupcakes and things like that and I'm not going to be super strict on myself. But I've made a committment to start exercising in the evenings. Baby girl is in bed by 7:30 each night, there's no reason I can't do something after she's asleep. The husband and I have gotten three workout games for the Wii (plus the Wii Fit "game"): Just Dance, The Biggest Loser, and something else (edited to add: I just remembered that it was the Jenny McCarthy one). See how much they've been used? I can't even remember what the third is! I figured, though, that those would be great starting spots for working out, especially since at least one of us has to stay home with the kid, so we can't go jogging together.

I'm going to start tracking my food on SparkPeople. If you're a member, let me know and I'd love to share my food intake with you. I need some people to keep me accountable! I'll also be posting here each week how many times I worked out that week. I'm hoping to feel better about myself and feel healthier. If my clothes fit better, that's just a bonus ;)

Lessons in Pumping

Lesson I learned today. When you're pumping 3-4 times a day, don't wear a dress unless you want to sit at your desk with your bum and undies hanging out or it has a big enough neckhole where you won't stretch it out (this one doesn't).

*sigh*

Dwindling Readers

I've noticed on my Google Reader that the number of readers that I have is dwindling, so I'm trying to figure out what I can do to keep you all coming back. Are you tired of hearing about my baby girl? Tired of hearing about her sleeping issues? Want me to talk about more funny stuff? More serious stuff? More thought-provoking?

Yes, this blog is for me to record things that baby girl is doing, especially since I generally suck at keeping up her baby book. But I also want readers and, even moreso, I want happy readers.

So tell me, what can I do to keep you? Hell, I'm sure I can follow through on that giveaway and finish answering those questions...I suppose I should do that. I know who won already--I already did the random number generator.

But what keeps you coming back, if you do? Is it just because you know and love me? Or is there something else?

Was that a Da Da?

Like I said in a previous post, I was started to get concerned that baby girl hadn't started babbling consonants yet. She's been "talking" in vowel sounds for awhile, especially when she had something in her mouth. Last Wednesday (3/24), she started making a few consonant sounds and since then hasn't looked back.

It's a beautiful sound, hearing her talking to her toys or to one of us. I love to listen to it all the time. Like I posted on Facebook, though, I've spent 8 months waiting for her to start babbling like this...but I'll be waiting 18 years for her to stop!

My daughter, the sock eater

Apparently baby girl has acquired a reputation at the sitter's house for her love of socks. I've mentioned it before, but here's a good example of her feelings for socks.

I was driving her to my parents' house on Sunday (an hour drive) and about 45 minutes into the drive, I hear her grunting back there. She'd been playing so well for most of the trip that I figured she'd hit her breaking point and was trying to get out of the carseat. I turned around to see what was going on and lo and behold, she had part of her sock still on her foot and the other up in her mouth!!!

No one at the sitter's seems to be safe. Our sitter doesn't even wear socks anymore because no one else does. I can't remember the last time I picked baby girl up and she was still wearing her socks. But now it's not just HER socks, but the socks of the other kids. There's a four-month-old who apparently never comes home with his socks, either, and his parents always know why. Baby girl has stolen them and put them in her mouth. They're then so soggy that the sitter doesn't want to put them back on the owner's feet.

At least it's starting to get warmer and we won't have to worry about socks for awhile...

Fears

This week I discovered that baby girl has begun to develop some fears.

On Wednesday she and I went to a friend's house. These friends have two sweet kitties. Baby girl had been around these kitties as well as my in-laws' small dog before with no problems. However, on Wednesday when one of the kitties entered the room, baby girl was interested. She watched her walk across the floor and back out of the room. Then the kitty came back and baby girl seemed to want to crawl after her as kitty left the room again. When the kitty came back again, baby girl crawled into my lap and started crying. She was so scared! Kitty left and came back in the room again later and baby girl started freaking again...so the kitty got locked up :( I felt bad for everyone involved and really hope this is just a phase!!!!

Then Saturday I decided to vacuum (shocker, I know) because my friend (the same one with the kitty) and her baby boy were coming over for a playdate. I figured the rug should be clean so the kiddos could play and not pick something gross up. I got out the vacuum and baby girl stared at it for a second after I turned it on, then started crying. I turned it off and picked her up. I tried running it a few other times with different situations (her in my arms, her across the room) and it resulted in the same crying. I also tried to let her explore the vacuum while it was off, but she still got scared when I turned it on again. We'll try again eventually, I suppose.

I've actually noticed that she's been startled a lot more by loud noises than she ever has been. The blender, the vacuum, the garbage disposal, and the garage door all startled her (although she only actually cried from the vacuum). Of course, I started reading online to try to figure out how to get her over her fears...and found information about kids with sensory disorders and autism having problems with loud noises. *sigh* Paranoid mommy moment!!!! This also makes me realize how much better she sleeps with a heavy blanket on her--something they do for kids with sensory processing disorders. Hoping that these fears are just something normal and will pass eventually and are not indicative of something bigger.

Meal Plan 3/28-4/3

No real plan for this week (gasp!), as the husband will be working a lot of hours, so I'll be on my own for dinners. I bought some hot dogs and some sloppy joe stuff and that will keep me fed for the week. He's got peanut butter and jelly and we've got soup and some frozen stuff. We'll be alright and hopefully next week we can get back to normal.

8 Months Old

Wow. I'll say what I say every month...I cannot believe she's eight months old. I thought time would slow down when she hit 6 months, but it hasn't, sadly. While I'm looking forward to a lot of things as she gets older, I know she's only going to be my little baby for such a short time and am trying to cherish these moments.

I'll try to get a weight on her soon. I'm guessing she's a little shy of 18 pounds. I think she was about 17 pounds around 7 months and she seems to be gaining about a pound a month.

Baby girl is just now starting to wear 6-9 month size clothes. She is still wearing most of her 3-6 month stuff, but since there are some 6-9 month clothes that are definitely for winter, I want her to get some use out of them, especially now that spring is officially here (although you wouldn't know it with the snow we had last Thursday night!).

We're getting ready to transition her into size 3 diapers. She could keep wearing size 2 for a bit longer, but they're starting to get pretty tight. She's still wearing a size 3 diaper overnight to help contain her overnight pee.

She's crawling EVERYWHERE. She's into everything!!! She can crawl really quickly and it is still incredibly cute to watch.

She loves to pull up on everything including, as of Friday, her crib. Imagine our surprise when we went to get her after a nap and she was standing there looking at us! Her favorite thing to pull up on, though, is her mommy. Whenever I'm on the floor with her she's crawling over to me and trying to climb up Mount Mommy.

Her favorite "toys" are plastic bags, computer cords, paper (coupons, newspaper, mail), and socks. She loves socks, unless they're on her feet!

Her favorite actual toys are her activity table and all stuffed animals, especially her sock monkey. She hasn't established a real connection to any one toy, though, which is okay with us!

Baby girl loves to grab faces. We try to allow her to explore, but she ends up being pretty rough. Both her daddy and I have quite a few scratches all over our faces. She'll grab at eyes, eyebrows, noses, and lips. She also loves to grab ahold of mommy's hair. Usually, though, she has ulterior motives when she grabs hair--she's trying to pull in for a kiss. One could probably argue that she's not actually giving a kiss, but we like to believe she is! She opens her mouth wide and drools on and licks our faces. It's the sweetest thing! Last week she even chased down her mostly immobile friend (my friend's son who is 3 weeks younger) and grabbed his head and gave him kisses. One of these days we'll be using that as blackmail!!!

Sleeping still isn't wonderful, but it's been a lot better this past week (except over the weekend). She's only been up once a night, eats, then goes back to sleep. Daddy is able to work his magic and put her down awake and she falls sleep on her own. We still rock and sing to her until she's sleeping, but she can sometimes lay down awake and soothe herself to sleep. It all depends on the quality of her naps.

To date, baby girl has eaten: green beans, peas, carrots, sweet potatoes, buttercup squash, applesauce, pears, peaches, banana (although not much), and avocado (bad news--she hated it!). She would LOVE to eat mommy and daddy's food. When we're eating something while holding her, she'll try to shove her nose into our mouths to smell what we're eating. Tonight she did it with a peanut butter cup with Daddy. One morning it was even with my toast!

Speaking of eating...we're still waiting on that tooth. She's been chewing on everything in sight for about 5 months now and still has no teeth. I'm not sure how excited I am about the experience of teething, but it would be nice to be able to give her tastes of our table food.

Learning

After our visit with my friend last Wednesday, I realized that we all are paranoid about our children and what they're doing. While I'm concerned about baby girl's size (she's sort of small, which is a direct reflection upon my body's ability to feed her), my friend is concerned about her little boy's size because he's a bit bigger. I am conscious of the fact that, until last Wednesday, baby girl wasn't babbling consonants (our doctor asked about them at her 6 month appointment, which led me to believe it should have been happening by then), she's cognizant that her little boy isn't crawling yet (and I'm sure it makes it worse that baby girl is all over the place now--but she was really early at crawling and he's 3 weeks younger, too).

We're all always thinking about where our children *should* be developmentally and where they actually are and worrying about whether it's good enough. It sucks, but it's the truth. And it's good to know I'm not the only neurotic one :)

The Zoo

Friday, March 19th, baby girl had her first trip to the zoo! The husband and I decided to make the investment into the annual membership so we could go whenever we wanted and so we wouldn't feel pressured to see the whole thing each trip, especially knowing baby girl needs to be at home to get good naps in.

I took the day off and my mom came up to join us. We headed out around 10 a.m. It was a little chilly still, so we put her in a jacket and her sun hat. We plopped her into the stroller and started walking. We made our way through many of the different areas of the zoo--the elephants, leopards, flamingos, penguins. We also went into the aquarium, which was the best decision of the day because you could get pretty close to the animals, which meant baby girl could actually see them. She loved them! It was hard to get close to the glass with all the other kids there, but we managed pretty well.

I was a little disappointed that she didn't seem to notice any of the other animals. Her favorite thing to watch was the other kids :) But she had a good time and I know as she gets older she'll become more aware of the animals. We'll keep going back! Hopefully Daddy can go with us next time. My mom wanted us to take her on the carousel, but I wanted to wait until her daddy was with us.

Another Sleep Update

I'm sure by now you're all thinking, "geez, woman, do you really think we care about how horrible a sleeper your kid is????", but oh well. Just skip this post if you're not interested ;) My blog, my topic. So there.

Baby girl's sleeping has, in general, gotten quite a bit better. Except a couple of nights, which seemed to be anomalies, we've been up one time, she's eaten, then she's gone right back to bed. Friday night was rough because we'd been to the zoo (more on that in a later post) and her only afternoon nap was in the carseat, then my mom stuck around too late and she stayed up too late.

Last night she woke up at 10:00 and was inconsolable. She'll typically calm pretty quickly when we pick her up, but even in her daddy's arms, she was crying pretty hard. Since she kept sticking her thumb in her mouth and, instead of sucking, chewing, we thought, "aha! Maybe it finally is time for teeth!" and gave her some Tylenol to take the edge off. She slept better after that, whether it was a product of the Tylenol or not. She went down fairly easily once it kicked in and slept until 2:30, woke up and ate, then started stirring around 6:40 this morning, just in time for me to nurse her, get dressed, and head out the door.

So we might have gotten over this hump. I'm sure once teeth really *do* start to come in we'll have to go through crappy sleep again. I'm sure once she starts to walk, we'll have another regression. I'm sure there will be many sleep regressions to come, but for now we're just celebrating being in this happy place of only getting up once a night.

And yes, she's still sleeping under that huge quilt. And yes, I still panic about it...but she sleeps and that's what matters, especially since she really is safe. The kid is really mobile and when I'm not feeling super emotional I know in my heart that she's fine. But at nighttime, I do still worry a bit.

Meal Plan 3/21-3/27

(the hubby is working a TON this week and won't really have any idea what the week will look like until today after work, so I've got a lot of pretty quick meals planned and they'll be fairly interchangeable between days)

Sunday: Easy Cheesy Mexican Skillet (I LOVE this blog for easy meal ideas)
Monday: Leftover Chicken Tomato Gumbo (mentioned here)
Tuesday: Hot dogs and Annie's Mac & Cheese (purchased for $0.49/box at Kroger both last week and this week after a $4 discount for buying 8 participating items)
Wednesday: Chicken Fried Rice
Thursday: Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup
Friday: DH's grandma's taco salad recipe
Saturday: Chicken Quesadillas

(the Chicken Fried Rice and Quesadillas will be made easier by pre-cooking a whole chicken (you can do it in the crockpot--I do it in my microwave cooker from Tupperware) and using that chicken in those dishes)

Jinx?

I probably shouldn't be posting this, but I feel the need to. A few days ago, I posted that I was able to get baby girl to sleep by putting our queen-sized quilt over her and turning down her white noise machine. I wasn't sure if she was just so exhausted that she fell asleep or if one of those things did the trick.

Well, it's sort of appearing that one of those things might have done the trick. This was Monday night. Well, Tuesday and Wednesday nights we've put her under a quilt, turned her wave machine on low, and she's slept. She's slept really well. She's only getting up once a night. She eats, then she goes back to sleep. Before this, she would wake up and need some soothing to get back to sleep, but now, no soothing necessary. Last night she even seemed pretty restless and we thought she'd be up early, but she slept until 2, when she got up, ate, and slept until 6:20 when DH went in and got her (she was starting to stir...she might have gone back to sleep, but she needed to get up for the day).

A fluke? Still might be. But we're feeling pretty good after two pretty good nights of sleep.

All of this started, though, with a 5 hour nap on Tuesday. FIVE HOURS. She then slept well that night. Yesterday she took normal naps, went down late (wasn't even remotely sleepy until about 7:45), and still slept well. So we're hoping it wasn't b/c of the nap.

She woke up a bit snottier than she had been and coughing a bit more. Hoping it's just a residual cough from her cold that hit its peak on Sunday. Hoping it's not something more. Hoping it's not what's getting her to sleep!!!

Of course I'm a nervous wreck with her under this huge quilt up around her head (no matter where it starts, she wiggles down until it's really close to her mouth), so we check on her before we go to bed (and then if I wake up throughout the night), but I think we'll get over that, especially if it means sleep!

I'll keep you posted. Of course I will...because you know I'll be posting when she sleeps like crap tonight, don't you?

Last Night

Yes, it's another post about my baby's sleeping habits. I feel like I'm becoming obsessed and all-consumed by getting her good sleep. I don't really care if she sleeps all night long, but just feel like she should be getting better sleep than she is.

Last night I nursed her at 6:30 like I typically (pre-DST, that is) do. Afterwards, she didn't show much sign of being tired, so we let her play a bit downstairs. DH carried her upstairs around 7:30 (I think? It was once she started showing some sleepy signs), read her her story, then I went upstairs and sang and rocked her to sleep. He put her down in her crib and all of a sudden she was wide awake again. She just sat and giggled at us. After handing her off to DH, I always sit in the rocker pretending to be sleeping, so DH curled up on the floor and we both pretended to sleep. Eventually (probably about 20 minutes later...ugh) she just laid down and fell asleep. If we could just get her to do that without us in the room!

She slept until about 10:30, when DH told me that she didn't seem sleepy, so I fed her. She still didn't really fall asleep eating, but DH got her to go to sleep eventually in her crib.

Baby girl then woke back up at 3:00. DH spent a half hour with her, then tagged out and I took over at 3:30. I tried patting and shhing, I tried just rubbing her back (when she'd lay down), I tried leaving her alone (she was fine for about 10 minutes while I sat in the rocker with my eyes closed, but then got pretty upset), I tried turning on the nightlight (we'd turned it off a few weeks ago)...but she was still awake. Eventually, I went and got the queen-sized quilt that was folded in our linen closet, opened it up a bit, and laid it over her and tucked the sides in a bit. I turned down her white noise, rubbed her back a couple of times, and then just stood over her crib and she fell asleep. Not sure if the changes I made made a difference or if she was just exhausted, but she slept until we woke her at 6:20.

Of course then I returned to bed and I couldn't fall asleep. I ended up laying awake until almost 4:30, watching The Price of Beauty (what can I say? The picking of overnight TV are pretty slim...I typically watch Roseanne, but at 4:00 Three's Company comes on that channel...and I used to watch Flintstones at 4 a.m., but wasn't in the mood.). ~yawn~

I miss my baby

It's the end of the day and I'm getting ready to head home and see my baby girl, but I was just sitting here thinking about the blogs that I read/have read that talk about tragedies with babies. I just makes me want to go home, scoop her up, and never let her go. Even though we had a rough night last night, I love her more than I could ever had imagined. Only 5 more minutes (and a 40 minute commute)!

Worst Night in Awhile

I have no idea if it's because of the time change or because baby girl is getting over a cold, but last night was our worst night in awhile. She's been congested for a few nights and hasn't seemed bothered by it at all. And she went down well last night, about a half an hour late (by the clock--half an hour early by her body clock). She went to sleep at 7:30, then woke up at 9:20. She was easily soothed and I thought that was the last I'd hear of her. Nope, she was back up at 10:10ish. Again, fairly easily soothed. Then back up at 10:40ish. Again, not horrible... The husband got home around 11:15 and she woke up soon after that. This time, though, she seemed to be WIDE awake. We let her fuss in her crib for about 10 minutes until it escalated to her sounding more frantic each time. The hubby couldn't get her to go back to sleep in her crib, so he suggested I try feeding her. I fed her. She started to fall asleep on side one, but by the time she was on side two, was wide awake and not even all that interested in eating. She just wanted to play.

Since we're all sick, DH and I are EXHAUSTED. It's after midnight. We ended up just laying down and putting her between us and prayed that she'd fall asleep. Me, being ever-anxious, couldn't sleep right away, just nervous she could get smothered by a blanket, a pillow, or one of us. Eventually sleep won out. It apparently did for her, too. I remember her rolling over onto her belly (she fell asleep on her back, which is weird for her), but that's the last thing I remember until 5 a.m., when she woke up pissed off again. I fed her and, yet again, she didn't fall asleep after nursing. Up until last night, this was the easiest thing to do to get her to fall asleep. I ended up just laying her between us for another half an hour and she must have fallen back asleep because the next thing I know, DH is waking us all up to get ready to go.

I'm a walking zombie today. How miserable. Once this sickness has left our house, we'll get back on sleep training. We won't be bringing her back to bed anymore. This was the first (and last) time we've ever done it for more than just early morning hours. But something had to give. We needed some sleep to be able to function today. As it was, we only got about 5 hours...

Workaholic

(I'm post-dating this entry on the chance that someone reading right now knows where I live and, therefore, knows I'm home alone. The alarm is on, but still...can't be too careful.)

Many people would call my husband a bit of a workaholic. He isn't nearly as bad as so many other people out there, but compared to many of our friends, he works a heck of a lot. The husband has worked for the same place since his college days in 1999, so I've had a long time to built up my resentment for this place (since we've been together in early 2002) and each time he takes a phone call, checks his email, or works extra hours, the resentment grows.

I'm trying my best, though, to keep it all in check. I know he loves his job. No, he doesn't love the hours away from home, the frustrating people he works with at times, but he does generally love what he does. He loves the challenges. He hates that it takes him away from home, but he sacrifices. I believe that he's sacrificing for all of us. He's great at his job. He puts a lot of himself into it and has a lot of respect from his coworkers and, more importantly, his bosses. The people at the top of the organization are grooming him to move up within the organization and I know that really excites him. So I try my hardest to be happy for him.

It's nights like these, though, that it's hard to maintain the perspective. He left here after baby girl went to bed (around 7:30--we were happy it was only a half an hour late after the daylight savings time change last night). If she had slept well, this wouldn't be a huge deal. Yes, I'm nervous when he's gone, but I have a bit of peace of mind with the security system armed. However, baby girl has now been awake three times in as many hours. Of course she slept well 7:30 to 9:20, but has been up at 9:20, 10:15, and 10:35. It's such a struggle dealing with that by myself and makes me miss my husband even more.

So here I sit at almost 11:00 Sunday night, trying to recover from a cold (and therefore feeling like crap and really needing some sleep), not wanting to get in bed because I know I'll be up again very soon. I just hope he gets home soon...at least before she wakes again.

Meal Plan 3/14-3/20

Sunday: BBQ Chicken Braid (I used refrigerated Italian bread--it is actually really easy to roll out. It has a seam in it like crescent rolls do)

Monday: Swiss Casserole Chicken

Tuesday: Leftover pork tacos

Wednesday: BBQ Chicken Braid (I made one tonight and since it was so easy will use up the rest of my shredded chicken on Wednesday)

Thursday: Tomato Chicken Gumbo (see recipe below)

Friday: Either eat out or eat something we planned on this week but ended up going out

Saturday: Creamchiladas


TOMATO CHICKEN GUMBO (we made this before baby girl arrived and froze it and now just need to thaw)

1 can (14 oz.) chicken broth
½ 1b. hot sausage links or Polish Sausage, cooked and sliced
1 can (26 oz.) chunky spaghetti sauce
2 cups cooked diced chicken
1 can (11 oz.) canned corn, drained
1 green bell pepper, diced
1 ½ cups cooked white rice

TO FREEZE: Dump all ingredients except rice into 1 gallon Ziploc freezer bag. Lay flat in freezer.
TO COOK: In 6-quart pot, bring gumbo to a boil. Add cooked rice. Cover; cook over medium heat 10 minutes or until heated through. Add additional water or broth for a thinner gumbo. For spicier gumbo serve with hot red pepper sauce.

I also bought the supplies to make 4 shepherd's pies to put in the freezer. I was planning on cooking today, but am still recovering from my cold and didn't feel nearly as motivated as I had hoped. So we might have one of those this week, but more than likely I'll end up putting them together on Saturday.

Meal Plan 3/6-3/12

Since it's already Wednesday, this is sort of retroactive. I planned all the meals for the week before heading to the grocery Sunday morning, but obviously got a bit off track...

Sunday: Wendy's (were missing an ingredient for the planned meal)
Monday: Pesto Chicken & Sweet Potatoes
Tuesday: Breakfast (pancakes, scrambled eggs, turkey sausage)
Wednesday: McDonald's (forgot to put stuff in the crockpot!)
Thursday: Pulled Pork Tacos with lime rice
Friday: Salad with Chicken (whole chicken cooked in microwave cooker, then part of chicken used for this meal, part frozen, then the rest will be used on Saturday)
Saturday: Dinner with friends. So far I know my contribution will be Buffalo Chicken Dip

Because we didn't cook two nights we'd planned on, I have two leftover meals. They'll be used early next week so the ingredients don't go bad.

Snot....again

Baby girl had a mini-cold a month or so ago. It only lasted a day or two and she acted totally fine the whole time. Thank goodness!!

Last night we were up at 11 and 2:30 and she was dry--no snot to be found. Then when she woke up at 6:30...snot. Everywhere. Everything was soggy and slimy and it was just gross. She was coughing a bit, too.

So maybe it's a cold. Or maybe it's teeth. I don't think I've fully documented here how many times we've thought she was on the brink of getting a tooth. Trust me, it's been a lot. When she stopped sleeping through the night, when she got a snotty nose, when she drooled beyond belief, when she chewed on everything in sight, when she stopped eating purees...and then again yesterday, when I heard her in her car seat, chewing her finger raw. Kid, you won't want to do that once a tooth pokes through.

So even before bedtime I thought maaaaybe there was going to be a tooth. She did the chewing thing again this morning. There's the chewing she's been doing since she could get her hands (and everything else) into her mouth, but then there's this level of chewing that I've never experienced. No sucking involved...just gnawing.

So now, who knows. She could end up with a tooth or this could be another of many false alarms and she could just have another cold, even though no one she's been around has one.

Stay tuned, I suppose....

My balls are always bouncing...

(Yes, I have Big Balls by AC/DC stuck in my head...)

My mom brought baby girl a red bouncing ball, probably a foot or so in diameter, this past Sunday. We quickly discovered that she already understood the concept of pushing the ball to us. We'd sit her with her feet far apart (the ball would bounce off her feet if we let her sit like normal) and push it to her and she'd either grab it and chew on it for a second, or immediately push it back to us. I'm so happy to see her play with something and not just eat it ;)

And she's up!

I think I can officially say that baby girl has mastered pulling up, at least on Mommy. She crawled over to me a few times last night, grabbed my arm, pulled up to her feet, then stood up, hanging on with just one hand. I am SO not ready for this new stage of mobility!!!

Never want to forget

Baby girl has the biggest personality and I never ever want to forget what she's like every single day. I do a good job of noting when she starts conquering milestones, but don't document the little things. I never want to forget the way she is now. Yes, she challenges us every single night with sleeping. But during waking hours, she's such a joy. I don't want to forget the way she rubs her face in my chest when she's tired, but doesn't want to admit it. Or the way she sucks her little thumb after nursing in the middle of the night so she won't completely wake back up. How she snuggles into her daddy's shoulder after I rock her to sleep and before he lays her in her crib. The way she squeals and turns the other way with excitement when one of us is holding her and the other tries to kiss her cheek. The way she gives kisses to her mommy's cheek and mouth--sometimes seeming like she wants to nurse, but other times like she just wants to let me know how much she loves me. How she kicks her feet when in her high chair when she's eating food she really likes. How she smiles and grins when she's crawling toward us. The way she rams her head into my shin when she's crawled to me but I haven't bent to pick her up yet. How she gets tired of crawling and will stop and sit on her hip, stretched out on her side, wondering if it's worth it to keep crawling. The way she's nosy and wants to see everyone and will even lean around mommy or daddy to see new people. The way she smiles at mommy while daddy is holding her, getting ready to take her to bed. How her eyes light up when one of us walks in the room.

There are even some things that she does that seem like a nuisance at the time, but I know I'll miss it someday. How she grabs the back of my hair when she wants to get really close. The way she holds my necklaces while I'm holding her. How she screams when she's hungry (or not wanting to sleep) until I nurse her. And how sometimes only nursing her can help calm her down. The way she'll reach out to the other person when one of us is holding her. How she hates her high chair tray when she's done eating, but will still sit in the chair once we remove the tray and push her up to the table. The way she screams when we're putting on or taking off her clothes, until she gets to chew on her pants or shirt. The way she pulls her legs OUT of the leghole that we just put them into. How she sticks everything into her mouth, even the big bouncy ball (probably a foot in diameter) that her grandma got her yesterday.

I never want to let these moments go. I never want to forget.

Fun Things My Kid Is Doing--Post #239875

This past week was an explosion of development for baby girl! She has:

- Discovered her tongue. Many of you noticed in her earliest pictures that her tongue was always out. Well, I don't think she meant to do that in the past....but now she's got it hanging out all the time. She takes after her mommy--she sticks her tongue out when she's concentrating really hard on something. She's always blowing bubbles like crazy (used to do it, but this is totally different).

- Started making a new face. Many times it's accompanied by the sticking out tongue, but she wrinkles her nose and breathes in and out quickly through her nose. We've seen her do it when she's frustrated, but also when she's happy. It's hilarious and she'll even do it back when we do it at her.

- Waved! She doesn't do it regularly, but yesterday she waved at both my mom and DH. She's been flapping her arms a lot recently, but yesterday was the first time it seems to come with a purpose.

- Started pulling up. Look out!! On Friday she started pulling to her knees, then yesterday I showed her how to put one foot out and pull up that way and she did it a few times. She took a big tumble, though, which scared everyone a bit, since she banged the back of her head on a toy. Ouch! A quick snuggle by mommy and seeing her stuffed ice cream cone made it all better.

Yesterday she also tried avocado and decided she was NOT a fan! Many people talked about babies loving avocado, but this was officially the first food she did not like. We think it was the texture. She spit it back out repeatedly and even threw some of it up. Not going to try that again soon! We will be starting her on fruits this week, though. I want to make sure she isn't going to have some sort of reaction to the avocado, then we'll start applesauce.

Seven Months

I think I say this every month...but I can't believe she's seven months old!!!

At seven months, baby girl is crawling all over the place. She's still not *real* fast, but she can go for sure. I sat her on the floor outside the bathroom today with a couple of toys and by the time I was done and washing my hands, there she was, tugging on my pant legs. When she crawls over to me when I'm sitting down, she'll ram her head into my shin. Can't be comfy, but it's so cute!

Baby girl is eating like crazy. I keep saying that I'm so glad she's a good eater. If she were a bad eater and a bad sleeper, I don't know what I'd do! She loves to nurse, but also take a bottle like a champ. Every morning she has 1/4 cup of baby oatmeal mixed with organic pear juice (to help keep her tummy moving). Starting this past weekend, she's getting a veggie at lunchtime. Then, while we eat our dinner she has 3 or 4 ice cubes worth of veggies. So far she's had carrots, sweet potatoes, squash, peas, and green beans and loved all of them. Of course she likes the orange veggies a bit better since they're sweeter, but she hasn't balked at anything.

She's such a big girl about sitting in her high chair. She sometimes gets a bit fussy when the tray is on, but after she's done eating, we clean her up, take off the tray, and push the chair all the way up to the table. We give her plastic measuring cups (the 1/4 cup one was on the table from measuring out oatmeal) and she bangs them on the table. The first night this happened, we were all rocking out Bon Jovi. It's a great way to keep her occupied while we finish eating or just hanging out, listening to the radio.

Her sleeping still isn't great, but we're getting there. She'd like to sleep 12 hours a night or so, I think. We had one night where DH put her down pretty awake and he tried to soothe her to sleep, but she kept giggling and playing with him. Eventually he laid down on the floor and I put my head down and closed my eyes while sitting in the rocker. She got bored and just rolled over on her tummy and went to sleep.

She's definitely a thumb sucker. She now sucks her thumb and pulls on her ears when she's tired. She even does it in the middle of dinner.

Baby girl has recently started bouncing. She's a bit erratic about it and will only do it while being held, but it's super fun.

My favorite thing that she does right now is give kisses. I have no idea if she means to do it, but I'm the only one she'll do it to. She usually grabs my face (and sometimes my hair with the other hand) and brings her mouth to my cheek (or my mouth sometimes), open wide, and lick/suck my face. It's the sweetest thing!

She still prefers to be next to her mommy whenever possible. We can be sitting on the floor together and she'll turn and crawl up onto my lap or turn all the way around and lift her arms up to be picked up. Just this past weekend she fell asleep in our bed without any coaxing, just because she was snuggled up on mommy.

That leads me to my favorite times with her--snuggling in our bed on weekends. DH will typically get up with her if she gets up obnoxiously early and then bring her back up when she needs to nurse. I'll nurse her and we'll play a bit in bed. Some mornings we can coax her to take her nap a little early and all of us snuggle in bed together.

She can be quite impatient. Just recently she's started banging on her tray when we aren't feeding her quickly enough. And while she likes being naked, she doesn't like the process of getting changed.

Everything still goes in her mouth. She loves most of all to chew on cloth things--her clothes, her jacket, stuffed animals, tags, blankets... We always tell her she's going to get a fuzzy tongue. No teeth yet. We've had quite a few instances of some really stringy drool, TONS of chewing...but no teeth yet. Not concerned, just wondering when they're going to show up!

She's really getting the hang of standing and still prefers to stand over crawling. She will hold onto the side of her Exersaucer with one hand and stand there. Of course, we put our hands under her arms, just in case, but don't touch her. It amazes us every single time. She's *trying* to figure out walking while holding our fingers. It isn't the balance or supporting her weight that's getting her...it's actually moving her legs. She tends to walk a tightrope and that's not real conducive to learning to walk!

Baby girl loves to be upside down. I always thought she just hated being upside down, which is why she was breech, but no--you dangle her upside down and she's really happy!

She loves to squeal, especially when mommy will respond with her own squeal.

She's ticklish, but only mommy can get her to roll over to run away and squealing from being tickled. She squirms a bit when others do it, but not as much as when mommy does it!

Another great moment of the last month was when she crawled to us for the first time when we picked her up at daycare. What a great feeling to see her crawling to us, ready to see us after a long day!!!

She's still wearing size 2 diapers and 3-6 month clothes. Both are getting fairly snug and we've had to phase out a few 3-6 month outfits. I plan to exchange some of our size 2 diapers very soon for some size 3s. I have plans for her to wear a 6-9 month outfit (her first) this weekend (a sweater DH's dad picked out for her, who we'll see on Saturday).

She loves being rocked to sleep. Daddy reads her a story, then mommy comes up, lays her on her side, and starts rocking and singing. She immediately pops that thumb into her mouth. Mommy sings "You Are My Sunshine", "The Alphabet Song", "Jesus Loves Me", "Carmen Ohio", and "Amazing Grace", just to name a few.

She's giggle like crazy if you blow raspberries on her belly or make her fly.

If I can think of anything else, I'll come back and add it! I don't want to forget her the way she is right now--she's such a joy!

Better Sleep

Sleep was better last night. Went down around 7:15, up around 8:45 for no apparent reason, but easily soothed by her daddy (he was back before his ice cream melted). The hubby and I went to bed not long after that, expecting to have a long night ahead of us. We were pleasantly surprised when we weren't awakened until 2:30! We went ahead and go her up, I fed her, then she went right back to sleep. She then slept until about 6:30--just in time to get up and eat and get ready to go.

We have no idea what we've done. I did turn off her main nightlight. Who knows if that did it. Or it could just be that she's napping better during the day at the sitter's and maybe getting more tired there and therefore will sleep better for us on nights after she's been at the sitter's, rather than home with us.

It just makes me feel like we're doing something wrong on the weekends. We've tried stimulating her a lot (taking her out to stores, restaurants, etc.), we've tried staying at home and focusing on getting her her naps as soon as she needs them. We've tried playing a lot, we've tried winding down to naptime. We follow the same routines on the weekends except that we let her sleep until she's done, rather than waking her at 6:30 (which we don't even have to do all the time...this past Sunday, for instance, she was up at 6 and ready to go and we stayed up with her).

I just don't know. I'm going to just try to be happy that this probably means she'll sleep well 5 nights out of the week. I was mostly afraid that we were going to have to re-train after each weekend, but it seems whatever is naturally happening during the week is doing enough to get her to sleep.

Poop

Yep, just because some of you thought my last post would be about poop, here is a post. All about poop.

Not mine, of course. No, that would be gross. Baby girl's. She's always had really odd pooping habits. They've become MUCH harder and much more infrequent. I was hoping the addition of veggies would help a girl out, but apparently not.

Saturday I was beginning to get a bit concerned. She'd been acting like she needed to go, would grunt and push, but nothing would happen. I wondered if she'd gone at the sitter's and she didn't mention it. The sitter does typically mention it since it's so infrequent...or maybe because many times she was wearing it. Either way, I usually know when I put her up.

So Sunday morning DH let me sleep in for an hour--so nice! When he brought baby girl back upstairs, he announced that she'd pooped. Yay!!! Well, while we were laying in bed together, she pooped again. And again later that day. Within 24 hours, she'd pooped SIX times. And not small little nuggets...oh no...BIG baby poops.

I told her she felt like she was at least a pound lighter. Oh, to be able to lose a pound that way.... :)

Number 2

This morning I was quickly reminded of a situation (? problem?) I've been a part of for as long as I can remember. I've always been Number 2 (at least).

Let's go back to 1992. I was in middle school. I had a best friend from elementary school, Shelley. Over the summer, I met Lisa, who lived across the street. We became fast friends and I introduced her to Shelley. The three of us hung out a lot. But soon I realized that Lisa and Shelley were hanging out more on their own, without me. They grew closer as I grew further apart from them. By the time we started high school, they were each other's Number 1.

Enter a different Lisa, who I met before ninth grade--1994. We were in band together. She became my best friend. But I was still her Number 2. She had had a best friend since childhood. We were all friends...but I was Number 2 and was never allowed to forget it.

Next we come to 1998, when I started college. I made a great friend. She, of course, still had her BFF from high school--no problem. She was still my best friend and, I thought I was hers, at least at college. But then she met my roommate. And she and my roommate moved in together and SHE became her Number 1. I was demoted to Number 2. Again.

I've had few others that I've considered promoting to my Number 1, but they always developed (or already had) their own Number 1. So I just don't have one. And I'm generally okay with that because my husband is really my best friend. HE is my Number 1 and I am his. And all is well. I am okay with having some really close girlfriends and not one best friend most of the time. I've made my husband and my daughter my priority and I don't know if I have the time or energy right now to maintain a BEST friendship. There are days, though, when people talk about their BFFs and I feel like I'm missing something.

Why was I reminded of this this morning? Well, I have a friend at work--my closest. We do a lot together--walk to get lunch, chat about our kids, chat about work. I enjoy my time with her. She's my Work Number 1. This morning, though, one of our coworkers returned from maternity leave. And I've been demoted to Number 3. The other three (my closest coworker, the one returning from leave, and another coworker) are currently eating lunch together. Was I invited? Of course not. They have long, chatty conversations that don't involve me. I would've been involved just Friday, but now that there's a better option? I'm demoted.

I'm tired of being Number 2. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough. I'm tired of this being a theme in my life.