Because I know you're all wondering....

(Actually, because I haven't had any adult interaction today and just feel like talking...)

Been a really long 24+ hours in our house. 

5:00: The Hubby starts feeling nauseous
6:30: The Hubby leaves for work party, leaving me alone with Baby Girl to do bedtime, etc.
11:30: The Hubby comes home and tells me about said nausea
12:30:  The Hubby wakes up to get sick for the first time.  I get up and go down to basement to sleep.  Upon failing to sleep (cable box is broken down there, so it was far too quiet for me and my thoughts), I come to the first floor, listen to him get sick, feel very nauseous myself, post on the blog, kick ass at a typing game on FB, watch Storage Wars until I pass out fall asleep on the couch (around 3:00).
5:30:  The Hubby gets sick for what will be the last time (knock on wood).
8:00: I wake up, scrub down the first floor and disinfect everything in sight.
9:15: Baby Girl wakes up (latest she's ever slept--I assume it's her body fighting off the sickness)
9:20: The Hubby tries to come downstairs and I send him back to our bedroom
10:30: Baby Girl and I go to my work to get my wallet, then to Target, then to CVS, then to Kroger.  If Target had just had what I needed and I hadn't forgotten my wallet at work, Target would've been the only stop.  I notice that I still feel nauseous (wondered if it was in my head last night, but now confirming that it isn't)
noon: Come home with Baby Girl, have lunch, play.  Give The Hubby a sandwich and my home remedy (onion juice and peppermint tea found here).
1:45 Nurse Baby Girl, put her down for nap at 2:10.  Check on The Hubby and he's sleeping.
3:45: Baby Girl wakes up and we play and have a snack.  Feeling very nauseous the whole time.  Had a nice time playing with her, though.
5:30: Fix and eat dinner of black beans and barley.  Sits fine for me and Baby Girl eats well over one adult serving. 
6:30: Build blocks, read books, played with Mr. Potato Head
7:30: Nursed and bedtime
8:15 (it was a long, drawn-out bedtime): Checked in on The Hubby.  He's just woken up from his "nap" that started around 1:30.  Brought him dinner and chatted for about five minutes.  Realized how much I've missed him today.
8:30: Cleaned up some things, talked to my mom on the phone, and here I am.  Still nauseous.

Praying that Baby Girl stays healthy.  Not sure when we can start to breathe.  Not sure when I can let The Hubby out of our bedroom, either.  Praying that this nausea is all I'm going to experience.  After consulting with some people who have had this bug, it sounds like most people don't feel nauseous for long before they get sick, so I'm hoping the bug is presenting in me as just nausea.  And I'm hoping I was successful in keeping Baby Girl from getting it.  No mouth kisses.  Hands washed so much they're raw.  Lysol used repeatedly.  Being out of the house for a couple of hours.  Giving her a probiotic (after taking one myself).  I've put a lot of work into keeping her healthy--I hope it was all worth it.

Scratch that plan

The Hubby and I both took off work 12/22 so we could prepare for our Christmas traveling--doing laundry, packing, finishing up gift-buying, wrapping, etc.  Then on 12/23 we were planning to head to the in-laws.

Not so much anymore. 

The Hubby got home from a work holiday party around 11:30 telling me that his stomach didn't feel good.  We're very aware of the stomach bug going around--his brother, sister-in-law, and our three nieces all had it the end of the last week and had to postpone sister-in-law's family Christmas until January because of it.  So when he told me that he was nauseous, I knew where this was going.  Somehow I was able to fall asleep, but was awakened about an hour later by him rushing to the bathroom....and then kept awake by the noises that followed.

After he came back out, he offered to go to the basement, where we have a guest bed set up.  I told him that I should go down there so he could be closer to the bathroom.  I took the baby monitor with me.  I tried to fall asleep down there (it really is a comfy bed), but kept fluctuating between anxious, mad*, and sad/disappointed and didn't have anything but my thoughts (our cable box down there died).  I couldn't sleep.

So here I am in the living room watching TV, feeling nauseous from either the anxiety or the actual stomach bug, waiting to hear Baby Girl awake, sick, trying to decide what I should do with her if she seems healthy in the morning.  Should we go out and about to minimize our interaction with The Hubby?  Should we go stay for a day at my parents' house? 

I worry about going to my parents' house because if we're carrying the virus already, I'd hate to take it down there.  I also would hate to delay the inevitable and end up with us sick on Christmas Day.  If we're all going to get sick, might as well have December 22nd be the worst day of our year.  But if Baby Girl and I can avoid it, I'd love that, obviously.  I have no idea what to do and know that sitting up at 2 a.m. isn't the answer, but just cannot sleep.  I'm going to go peek in on Baby Girl (she did cry out earlier, so I want to be sure she didn't get sick and fall back asleep or something) and then try again to go to sleep.  If I'm going to be fighting this with my entire being, I need to have some rest.  Heck, even if it's just that I'm going to be taking care of Baby Girl by myself, I need rest.

*Yes, mad.  I've always felt like The Hubby didn't take the care he should to avoid getting sick and/or bringing sickness home.  I realize that some sickness is a part of life, but I take as many precautions as I reasonably can--washing hands ALL.THE.TIME, using paper towels to open doors, using hand sanitizer or washing hands before eating, etc.  And he just...doesn't.  And maybe it's because he's not as paranoid.  But it seems that he's the one bringing this virus into our house, so part of me blames him (okay, a BIG part).

If you're easily offended, keep on moving...but if not, come on in!

I have two stories to tell that were hilarious when they happened in my bedroom.  Whether they're hilarious as told in my blog will be a totally different story.

Baby Girl's favorite game is peek-a-boo--it has been for months and months.  It seems that with each day, she play peek-a-book in a different way.  It started out just giggling when we'd hide, but now it's to the point that she will hide or even just put her hands over her own (or you) eyes and say "peek!"

Well, we were enjoying a relaxing morning in bed on Saturday morning.  I had just finished nursing her and we were snuggling and tickling and having a great weekend morning.  And then...she realized that she could play peek-a-boo.  Using my bra.  So she kept saying "peek!" and pulling my bra down (I should note that I still wear a nursing bra...so it's easy peek-a-boo access). 

Seriously, though...the game went on for like 5 minutes.  She'd pull down my bra, say "peek!", giggle, and hide it again.  Rinse and repeat.  The Hubby and I were trying to contain our laughter a bit so she didn't realize what an incredibly hilarious game this really was...we don't need to encourage her playing peek-a-boo like that in public!  I explained to her (although I know she didn't understand) that this is a game that we only play in mommy and daddy's room...we can't play peek-a-boo with mommy's boob in public.



This kid gets more and more clever every day.

Then Sunday morning she picked up something off the floor and said "cheese!".  Her "cheese" sounds really similar to her "please", so I had to look to see whether she wanted me to do something (thus the "please") or if she found some cheese.

I look in her hand and what do I see?  Something in a (mostly) white wrapper that *did* look an awful lot like a piece of string cheese...

A tampon. 

No, Baby Girl, that's not cheese...

Thrifty Thursday (on Friday): Gift Cards

'Tis the season, y'all!

Yep, this is the time of year when many restaurants start offering free gift cards when you buy a certain amount of gift cards.  For instance, Bob Evans will give you a $10 gift card when you buy $50 in gift cards from them.  20% extra exceed what you'll ever earn in fuel perks by buying your gift cards at the grocery store.

The idea behind this is technically that you could buy your friend a $50 gift card and keep the $10 for yourself, but if you typically eat there, why not keep all $60 for yourself? 

Look around at your favorite restaurants--you'll see many are participating in something like this.  We're creatures of habit, so we go to the same restaurants all the time.  We'll be buying at least $50 in Bob Evans gift cards, probably at least one gift card to Chipotle (or more!) (they are giving you a free burrito for every $25 gift card you purchase), and maybe an Outback Steakhouse gift card as a special treat to ourselves.

No reason not to treat yourself (and save money you would've spent anyway!) this holiday season. 

Enjoy!

Some days I just feel like quitting

I want this blog to be private-ish.  I don't care if most people read it, but I don't go advertising that it belongs to me.  I don't connect it with my FB account because I want to remain a little bit anonymous.  But do people I know IRL read?  Yep.  But they all know that these are my thoughts and feelings and they can't judge me for anything I write here.

And I'm still incredibly careful about what I write.  I have MANY posts that I want to write but don't feel I can because I don't want to offend someone.  I have people I've wanted to complain about, but held back, for fear that they might read my blog.  It's my blog, though.  Shouldn't I be able to write whatever the heck I want on my blog? 

The answer, you'll all tell me, should be yes.  But it's not. 

This is why so many people are going to private blogs.  I don't *want* to go private--reading a private blog can be a hassle since you can't (that I know of) put them into your blog reader and, therefore, have to remember to check in every once in awhile.  I like meeting random people through my blog--I've made a good friend because she found my blog (who I still have yet to meet in person...but someday!). 

But is the risk greater than the reward?  This is what I'm trying to decide.  I'm tired of censoring myself, of worrying that someone I know IRL will find this blog and be mad at anything I might have written.  I already take such care not to post anything that I wouldn't want read by someone I know, but then there are times I go back and read posts and think "eh, maaaaybe I shouldn't have written that because someone, somewhere could get offended".  Do I need that added stress?

Embarrassing Moment of the Day

I know it's been awhile since you've heard from me.  There is a lot I need to catch up on.  But I had to tell you all about this.

At the Christmas Holiday party for work.  Have been sitting for awhile and get up to put my coat on.  My boss (who is a woman who I am pretty close with....thank goodness) looks down and sort of makes a noise, asking what was on the floor.  I look down.  And I gasp.  It's a nursing pad.  From my bra.  On the floor.

I said, "Oh, that's mine."  I look in my shirt to be sure there isn't another one soon to follow.  She's looking at me funny.  I said to her what I wouldn't say to pretty much anyone else at work, "it's from my bra".  She laughs and tells me she thought it was a coffee filter. 

Crisis averted, I suppose.  But wow.  I was still glowing bright red, I believe!

Meal Plan 12/4-12/10

Sunday: Southwest Sloppy Joes (we didn't do the slaw) and Southwest Butternut Squash--this was DELICIOUS!  We all (all three of us!) wish we could've had it again the next night.  This will definitely be on our regular rotation.  I found this through my friend, Cassie's, food blog.

Monday: Baked Chicken Fingers and Baked Basil Fries

Tuesday: Vegetable Pizza--just going to throw some sauteed veggies, pizza sauce, and cheese on a pizza crust and cross my fingers!

Wednesday: Christmas dinner leftovers--I made a ham, green bean casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, and rolls (and a friend brought over corn casserole...and, honestly, I didn't do as much cooking as I typically do because I was with Baby Girl...story to come later), so we're planning to eat all this for dinner

Thursday: Breakfast Strata--made with leftover ham

Friday: BBQ Chicken Pasta

Saturday: Sesame Chicken and broccoli

We'll also have sweet potato fries with one of these meals since I have some leftover from last week.  Just need to figure out which night...might be tonight.

I also wanted to share one other recipe that I think I'm going to make at least once a week.  Seriously.  It's a hot dip using sweet onions, cream cheese, & parmesean cheese.  But I can't find the recipe.  So I'm going to keep you all in suspense until I find it.  But once I do....you'll really appreciate it because this dip?  I can't get enough.

Okay, I'm going to say it...

Baby Girl has been sleeping through the night for a week now.  Let's hope tonight is night number eight. 

She slept through the night on Thanksgiving night while we were at my parents' house.  She was totally worn out from the day and not getting a good nap, so we figured it was a fluke.  But then she did it the next night.

What was different about sleeping at my parents' house than at our own house?  Well, she was in a pack-n-play in the same room with us.  And we also had a space heater on, making it like 80 degrees in the room (my parents don't have heat or a/c upstairs b/c it's such an old house).

So we figured we'd try making her warmer at home.  We've started putting on a long-sleeved onesie underneath her pajamas.  And yesterday I went out and got her some fleece jammies (that are SOOOOO cute!!! These are them.)

And she's been sleeping through the night ever since. 

Seriously, kid?  You've just been COLD??????

Of course that hasn't been the case this entire time, but it's been our fix now.  Just wish we could've figured it out a few months ago!

Christmas Cards

My absolute go-to website for photo prints is Shutterfly.  I've ordered many photo books from them, including a wedding album that I put together for our parents (and am planning on putting together for us since we can't seem to get our shit together to order one through our photographer!).

Speaking of getting out shit together...I wanted to do photo birth announcements.  But didn't.  lol  I threw a photo into our holiday card last year for some people, but generally didn't get it done.  But when I was looking at announcements BEFORE Baby Girl arrived, I looked at these on Shutterfly.

I've previously also ordered Mother's Day and Father's Day cards from Shutterfly for our parents with pictures of Baby Girl (Shutterfly is always offering great promotions).

The best promotion they've done, though, is one that I think a lot of you may have read about at this point.  They are offering 50 free holiday photo cards for bloggers who write about their products!  I'm so stinking excited.  I had actually already put together the photo cards I wanted to use on Shutterfly when I realized that I should participate!

This is one of our favorite designs:

Another favorite is this one:

Although while trying to find the ones that I loved, I might have fallen in love with some others...  lol  After the holidays, I'll be sure to share the final product!!!

Fail

Things have been hectic.  I honestly thought I'd get online during my Thanksgiving break to blog, but just haven't had the time or motivation.  We spent Thursday morning through Saturday late afternoon with my parents, then came back and spent Saturday evening and Sunday at home.  It was a good long weekend, but far too short.

Work has been insanely busy--I haven't had much time to breathe or eat, let alone write a blog post. 

Baby Girl is in the midst of a verbal explosion.  She's willing to try to say any word we say (which is a little scary sometimes...) and watches our mouths intently, trying to figure out how we're forming words.  While playing Thanksgiving Bingo at my aunt's house, I won a foam alphabet puzzle, so we've been playing with that.  It's adorable to listen to her try to say the letters--all the ones that end in the "ee" sound sound about the same.

We've been piecing together childcare, which has been sort of interesting.  It has been a blessing that our work is SO flexible and allows us to work from home in the evenings or for The Hubby to go into work for awhile when Baby Girl is down for the night (like he's doing tonight and last night).  We've spent quite a bit of time with Baby Girl, which has really been nice.  Today The Hubby stayed home with her, my mom is coming up tomorrow, Wednesday she has her major doctor appointments, then I'll be home with her in the afternoon, then Thursday and Friday The Hubby's coworker's daughter (who is in a Master's program--not a 12 year old or something) will watch her.  This girl, K. (because "The Hubby's coworker's daughter is sort of lengthy), will be watching Baby Girl until Christmastime.  We're hoping to have something else lined up very soon that would begin in January!

Baby Girl has quickly made her way into toddlerhood.  She is hitting, throwing tantrums for no reason, and is refusing food.  She wants to dip food (she was dipping cornbread into BBQ sauce tonight at dinner) and refuses food she used to eat all the time.  If it weren't for peas, she wouldn't be eating much.  We're still sticking to our guns and not fixing anything special for her for dinner, but it's getting difficult.  Tonight we had shredded chicken, frozen veggies, and cornbread.  She just wasn't really interested in any of it.

So I failed at this NaBloPoMo thing.  I totally dropped the ball over the last four days, but hope to finish out the month strong.  Today is Baby Girl's 16 month birthday, so I should probably do a monthly update post, but am having a hard time finding the motivation to do so.  I'm horribly worn out from work and from battling this toddler...all I want to do is retreat and sleep.

Baby Girl's Day

Baby Girl had an exciting day today!  A very good friend offered to watch her since she was off work, so Baby Girl got to experience life as if she were a twin.  My friend has a 15-month-old of her own, so she, as she put it, "had twins with a return policy".  lol 

It sounds like they had a fabulous time--such a good time that neither kid (neither of whom is a great sleeper) wanted to take a nap!  They both fell asleep after lunch, though, and napped for 2 hours!  They must have worn each other out :)

She didn't even cry when we left--in fact, she waved at us as we walked out the door!  I guess that's what happens when she is spending time with someone she already knows (and who is feeding her something tasty like grapes!).

On this Thanksgiving Eve, I'm just so incredibly thankful for a friend that is willing to watch our daughter, to give us the peace of mind of knowing she's with someone we trust 100% and who loves her and only wants the best for her.  We were both able to work, knowing Baby Girl was having a great day (I got an email update, a phone call, and Daddy got a text with a photo!).  Thank you.

Bah

We're having a verbal explosion in our house (and this time it isn't by The Hubby).  Baby Girl is trying to say every word you ask and is now identifying shirt, coat, and pants (on her own), and repeating red, green, and blue (and then some).  Today she started saying "bye" (although I'm not sure why it took her so long to start).  Most people probably wouldn't know what she's saying, but if you pay attention the context, you can typically figure it out.

For instance, there are a lot of words that sound the same.  Sock.  Truck.  Stuck.  Duck.  But you can typically figure out which she means...eventually.

This brings me to Bah.  Bah is her new favorite thing.  We walked around my office today, looking for Bah.  We were hanging out at the house and she NEEDED to see Bah.

Who is Bah?  Well, it's this guy:

Yep.  While we may not watch much TV in our house (and, for some reason, I'm generally not a fan of an attachment to characters, even though I was obsessed with Kermit as a kid), apparently my mom kept cartoons on all day the days she watched her.  That's fine--it's better than her watching adult programming (we prefer she watch sports....), but it seems like my mom sought out this guy.  They watched a lot of Spongebob Squarepants.  And now she's obsessed.

Somehow, she also knows that Bob the Builder is Bah (we have a book featuring him).  Either way, she loves her Bah. 

Off the wagon

We were doing so well with our meal planning and getting motivated to do things in the evenings to get ourselves to a place where we're comfortable and happy in our space.  All that fell to the wayside when we all got sick and didn't have the energy to go do anything.  Making things even worse, The Hubby and I weren't sick at exactly the same time, which meant when one wasn't feeling well, we did nothing.  We haven't really touched the basement in a couple of weeks and need to have it fairly empty by December 4th, when we host our annual Christmas party (we have friends that will sleep down there and we might hang out down there once the kiddo is sleeping).  Nothing like a deadline to whip us into shape, eh?

Maybe....

Of course, then my tooth extraction happened.  And now we're both having to do evening work to make up for time we're spending with Baby Girl during the day because we don't have a sitter today and tomorrow.  So it doesn't look like it's going to happen before Thanksgiving and we're just going to have to be okay with that. 

Meal planning for the week is just eating whatever is left from last week that we didn't have because I either didn't feel like cooking or didn't feel like eating.  I'm still experiencing some soreness on one side of my mouth, so who knows how dinner tonight will go down. 

We'll get back on the wagon...someday.  But for now, we're just going to be a little less organized and a little more chaotic.  And we have to be okay with that.

The Mother of All Tantrums

Well, it's official.  Baby Girl is a toddler.

We're still in this weird place where she refuses to take an sort of afternoon nap, but won't sleep more than an hour for us in the late morning.  Then she's a total mess.

Today we went and interviewed a potential childcare provider and I was scared of what it would be like...until she fell asleep in the car.  She took a nice little nap while The Hubby sat and listened to the Browns game and I went inside to talk to the lady.  When she awoke, she was confused, but happy.  She warmed up to the house and got out a bunch of toys and seemed really happy.

We figured since she was in such a good mood, it was a BEAUTIFUL day, and we were already close, we'd go to where we wanted to take her Christmas card photos.  We did and got some really cute photos.  We decided to let her play on a hill, running down it toward me--she loved it!

What she didn't love was being told it was time to go.  She threw the MOTHER of all tantrums when The Hubby picked her up to take her to the top of the hill.  We were hoping to take some more photos, but realized we were done when she was kicking, hitting, sobbing, and screeching, refusing to be done.  He put her in the car and she shrieked until we were about halfway home.  By the time we got home, she was okay, but man, that was UGLY.  Seriously. 

Welcome to toddlerhood (toddlerdom?), kiddo.  May we all survive it intact.

And as a reward for reading, here is one of the pics I took today, straight off of the camera (no editing):

Spirited

I think many people would call my daughter spirited.  I might agree most of the time, but there are definitely times when I would call her a pain in the ass. 

Like tonight, when I was trying to change a disturbingly disgusting poopy diaper and she kept raising her bottom of the ground, trying to roll to run away, and kicking me...all at the same time.

Or when I was trying to get clothes/shoes/coats on her and she's running away, flashing that impish smile.

Or when she looked at me and smiled as she dropped her Cheerios off her high chair.

Or when she whines and whines...and WHINES, wanting SOMETHING, but not telling me what it might be.  And then once I figure it out, she won't say please (which she'll do any other time).  So she starts to throw a complete fit.

All of these were redeemed, though, when she looked at me as I'm sobbing (she hit me pretty hard in the cheek where I'm still feeling some pain from having my wisdom teeth removed) and looks at me with big, sad brown eyes.  I ask, through my tears, if I can have a hug.  She obliged with the sweetest, biggest baby hug I've ever gotten. 

She also is willing to give just about anyone a hug if they ask.  This might become a little scary later, but for now it's incredibly sweet.

She might whine when I cut her off (from food, her bath, her playing), but within 5 seconds she's forgotten what she had been doing and stops whining.

Spirited, yes.  But sweet as can be and I wouldn't have it any other way.

(although I might have appreciated her sleeping through the night last night....yeah, I totally jinxed it)

Childcare Update

A few updates....

We went and visited a daycare on Wednesday afternoon.  Not overly impressed, but we're sure she would be safe there.  If nothing else, there's that.  They could get us in as early as December 6th.

The Hubby's coworker's daughter (who we both know) is coming home from college (where she's getting her Master's in some sort childhood education) very soon and doesn't have a job.  The coworker was confident that the daughter would want to watch Baby Girl while she's home, which would offer a solution from November 29th through the beginning of January (we're both taking off December 22nd until January 3rd, so we don't need anyone at that time).  Waiting to hear from the coworker.

This Sunday we have a meeting set up with a lady who used to have a daycare in another suburb, but has moved and is starting a new daycare in her home January 3rd.  She has a set circullum, which sounds really appealing to us.  I hope we like her as much as I like the idea of her.

Then there are a few centers that we want to check out that could take Baby Girl once she turns 18 months (at the end of January).  My mom is planning on retiring very soon (waiting on a replacement), so if she does, she could watch Baby Girl for the majority of January if needed.

Lastly, a good friend has offered to watch Baby Girl next Wednesday.  She has a little boy her age and I think it will go really well! 

If everything falls into place, next Monday and Tuesday are the only days we don't have a good plan.  We have vacation time that we can take, but I'm insanely busy at work.  It might require us to take Baby Girl to work with us for a bit or something.  We'll see... 

Stay tuned!

Sleep update

I really hesistate to do this, but I'm putting it out there.  Baby Girl has slept through the night for the last four nights. 

There, I said it.  And I'm sure tonight she'll be up around 1.

At the end of last week, she started to get sick.  Since she was acting normal besides the river of snot, we went ahead with our plans to cut out overnight nursing.  The first night was rough, but she slept through the night that next night (I think that was Friday).  The Hubby and I were both getting sick and didn't want to deal with her when she woke up in the middle of the night Saturday night, so I nursed her.  She got up again Sunday night and The Hubby and I worked with her...after being up for over 2 hours.  But since that night she's been sleeping all night long.

She actually defies all the baby laws and sleeps better when she's sick, so who knows if this will last now that she's on azithromycin for her latest double ear infection (ugh....), but we're keeping our fingers crossed that this is it.

But now it's time for a confession.  I sort of miss her.  I've felt better, though, since she's been falling asleep while nursing, which makes an extra long nursing session.  Love that (for now) since I know our nursing time is coming to an end.  I'm down to pumping 3-4 ounces a day at work, but she's still nursing like normal when I'm around her.  She hasn't gotten frustrated by the lack of volume, so we'll keep doing it. 

I am SO happy to be getting some sleep, though, finally, especially since The Hubby and I have had this same cold since last weekend and then I had my three remaining wisdom teeth pulled yesterday.  It's good to get some reliable sleep.  She's been waking around 5--sometimes for the day and sometimes to fall back asleep nursing.  Not sure if we're going to try to discourage that or if we'll just roll with it until it starts moving toward 4.  Just playing it by ear for now. 

Sitter Drama

We haven't been completely happy with our sitter for awhile, but since Baby Girl was happy there and seemed safe, we left her there.  Over time, though, the little things began to add up and took their toll on our family.  The sitter always made us feel guilty for having our own opinions and for asking about Baby Girl's day.  For instance, last week after I'd asked about her nap that day, "It was a normal day.  When it isn't a normal day, I will tell you."  I was upset, to say the least--I should be able to ask without getting a bunch of attitude. 

But as with everything that we've had happen, we let it roll off our backs.  It's just a bit of attitude, right?  She's still caring for our daughter.

Over the weekend, we really discussed the care, though, and our concerns.  The Hubby and I realized that there are other concerns besides the attitude that we get from her.  We've picked Baby Girl up and she's been poopy--and she doesn't poop quietly.  We've picked her up twice with scratches on her face that the sitter hadn't even noticed.  I seriously don't care what happened--accidents happen--but she should've at least seen it.  She sits in her chair all day doing plastic canvas-work while the kids play.  She then sells said projects--so she's essentially making money while she's making money watching my kid.

We dropped Baby Girl off on Monday with her bags of frozen breastmilk that the sitter had requested (we had been bringing it daily) and the sitter "wanted to be sure we're decreasing this" and was pushing us to introduce cow's milk.  Then we were chatting with the sitter and another mommy who has a 5 month old and is nursing her.  The sitter says to the other mommy "Just so you know, I'll be cutting her off at 12 months.  It's just too many bags and too much."  Um, lady, you have NO right to say that.  It was just indicative of her attitude with everything.  She pushed Baby Girl to one nap before I think she was ready because it was convenient for her.  It's all about what's easy for her.

After the interaction on Monday morning, I sat in the driveway with The Hubby, sobbing.  I wanted to go get Baby Girl and take her home with us.  I was tired of dealing with this lady.  I was DONE.

He convinced me to go to work that day, but I was just emotional all day long (and then got to work to find out I had screwed up something big and spent the entire day working to fix it).  We were going to leave our 2-week notice when we picked up, but chickened out.  We decided to email her that evening, even though we didn't have anything else lined up.  It was really scary, but we knew we could make something work, even if that meant The Hubby working evenings and me working days.  We also knew my mom could help out some.

The sitter was closed yesterday, so my mom had her at home.

This morning The Hubby took Baby Girl to the sitter's because he was scheduled to stay late for a meeting.  I came into work, but got a call from him as I was driving.  The sitter had met him and Baby Girl at the door with all of Baby Girl's belongings (including frozen milk) as well as our checks for the last two weeks.  She told him, "You didn't give the right notice."  He replied, "What?"  She repeated herself and he said, "I'm sorry it has to end this way."  She said, "You shouldn't be surprised." and he told her that he was.  She then repeated, "You shouldn't be" and closed the door in his and Baby Girl's face. 

When I talked to him, I think he was in shock.  He took Baby Girl home and they've been spending the day together.  We're meeting at 3 to go to a daycare close to work to check it out.  I'm a little wary, based on reviews by a coworker (it doesn't sound like Baby Girl would be unsafe--just that I might not have as much control as I would like--some might call me a control freak), but the coworker says she would be safe and happy.  We also have leads on a few places that could take Baby Girl when she turns 18 months (in late January).  We might use other resources until then or we might put her in this daycare until then, we haven't decided.  I've also found someone on Craigs.list this afternoon that sounds great and contacted them.

So it will be for the best in the end, but I'm just SO SO upset and sad that it had to go down like this.  I hate to make people upset and hate thinking about what she's saying about us to the other parents.  I just don't like drama or confrontation.  I KNOW Baby Girl will be better off somewhere else, but getting there is going to be rough.  This could be a really rough 2 1/2 months for us.  But hopefully when we get to February 1, we'll be a happier, healthier family.

Well, there goes that.

So much for NaBloPoMo!  I didn't have the emotional energy to post yesterday and nearly didn't post today.  I'll try to do better and maybe double up one day this week. 

As for yesterday, we're changing sitters.  And it's scary.  And we let her know last night.  And I had a ridiculously bad day yesterday, complete with tears through about 6 hours of it.  No, no one died...just me being really emotional.  When I'm upset, I cry.  Mad?  Cry.  Sad?  Cry, of course.  I cry whenever stress gets to me or I get overwhelmed.  I'm not weepy by nature, but it's how I react to strong emotion, nonetheless.

And today?  Today was just busy, as every day at work is going to be for awhile.  You see, we're going through some major changes and I've been put in charge of spearheading it.  It's really exciting, but really overwhelming.  I'm just hoping I don't screw this one up.

But I'll try to post tomorrow.  I have some things I'm thinking and feeling, but fear putting it out on my blog will alienate people.  So maybe not.  We'll see.  My goal in life is to please everyone and my own happiness be damned.  So I hate to upset anyone, even those who I'm not that happy with. 

I'm out of here.  I'm heading out the door to go home, see my girl (who hopefully has napped for grandma (our sitter is closed today because of a family issue)), have dinner, then head to book club for some girl time.  It should be fun.

The pregnancy test

Since my lovely monthly visitor returned in mid-June, she'd been fairly predictable.  Prior to Baby Girl, I had a 28 day cycle almost every month.  It's been much of the same since then.  Until this month.  This month I was on cycle day 30, had spotted a bit and cramped a bit about 4 days prior, but then...nothing.  It was eerily similar to the month I got pregnant.

So I was in the bathroom yesterday and glanced under the sink and found the leftover digital test from that successful cycle.  It expired in April 2009.  I figured, what the heck.  I peed on it.  And as that test sat blinking, calculating, I held my breath.  I realized how scared I was and how ready I was NOT to have another baby.  How much I want to keep spending time with MY baby without having to split that time with a new one.  But then, watching that test blink, I started to accept it, to know that we'd be okay if it came up "Pregnant". 

But boy was I happy when it read "Not Pregnant".

And then about 2 hours later, I didn't need to have used that test after all.