Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Old Friend

You know that old friend that you've got?  The one that was your BFF, maybe in high school or maybe college.  She knew everything about you.  And then life happened and you drifted apart.  You didn't make time for each other anymore.  Maybe you moved to separate states or even countries.  You saw each other's posts on Facebook, but didn't really know much about your friend's everyday life.  And then that friend comes to town for a visit.  While you're comfortable, you aren't sure what to talk about.

Do you tell her about how your parents are doing, how your work is going?  Or do you tell her about your crazy anxiety about having two kids, a job, a husband, a house, managing your finances, and still trying to foster your own relationship with yourself?

Do you talk about people that you used to know and what they're doing now?  Or do you admit to her everything you're struggling with, from your own weight issues to focusing at work to your lack of confidence because apparently you don't make children that know how to sleep?

I tend to try to do the former.  To talk about surface things.  Easy things.  To not get into the deep stuff, even though you really need to confess it all to that person that used to be your main confidante.

And when you start talking regularly again, how do you get to the place where you talk about The Real Stuff?  You don't want to jump right in.  You want to tiptoe, sticking one toe in the water, testing the waters to see if you can still relate to each other, to see if that friend can handle your new reality.

This blog has become that old friend.  I want to foster a relationship again, but I'm not sure how.  I'm going to try, but forgive me if I can't take the plunge just yet back to the place where we once were.


Manday said...

come back to us :) we will share our secrets too if it helps

Cassie said...

I love this post, and I am right there with you. It's so hard to find the beginning again.