That Old Song....

When I was little, I was in Girl Scouts (well, I was a Daisy and a Brownie--then the whole group switched to 4-H). We used to sit in a circle and sing this song:

Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
And the other gold

I was singing it this morning and finally figured out why--I made new friends last night.

How does this really apply to baby-making and baby-wanting, you ask? Well, it makes me happy. I feel like I've gotten into this rut of going to work, coming home (sometimes via the gym), cooking dinner, then sitting on the couch for the entire evening with DH, just staring at the TV. I love the time we spend together, I really do. But getting out of the house was good for me last night. Of course, DH had an awful day and that really sucked for him...but I was doing something good for me. And I think I need to start doing more for me.

So this blog has been all about preparing for a baby and I realize now that I need to take better care of my mental health as well as my physical health. Basically, I need to be better to ME. And that's something I haven't done on a regular basis in a long time. So I'm going to start going to book clubs more regularly, going to game nights, making new friends (but of course, keeping the old...), exercising whether DH wants to or not, dealing (shopping at Target & CVS) and revisiting my old hobbies.

Along the lines of the old hobbies...I'm a crafter. Not nearly as much so as some people I know, but I love to cross-stitch, knit, paint, scrapbook...you name a craft and I've probably tried it and have some supplies for it in a room. I think I want to get back into knitting because of the book we read for book club--I miss it. So tonight I'm going to go to JoAnn's and pick out a new pattern and start something for me--not a baby blanket for someone else or something, but maybe a blanket for me...or maybe I'll get a cross-stitch pattern that I can put in our house. :)

So this is going to be my focus for a bit--going to chat with DH tonight about it and hope that we can find some stuff that he loves that he can do to make himself happy, too. I think it can only make us stronger in our relationship and as future parents.

Where does the weekend go?

Another Monday.

Blah.

It was a good, productive weekend, but I feel utterly exhausted sitting here at work. I think I was nesting this weekend. It was weird. I'm tired of living a life full of clutter. So, we worked to simplify our lives. We cleaned out and reorganized the kitchen cupboards. Now I just need a few plastic bins to put some stuff in so we can access it easier. We also cleaned up the basement and organized it--it was a mess. Cleaned the first floor and even made a chore list--just need to dole out responsibilities. It's awful--here I am 26 years old and still not doing chores on a regular basis. Our kitchen gets to be a mess with the dishes, our bathrooms aren't cleaned that often...it's gross. But that's all about to change. I'm hoping our new dishwasher will help take care of the dishes problem. We're both really determined now, but we'll see what this week will bring--that's the true test. If the house doesn't get cluttered during the week, we'll have an easier weekend and a whole lot less stress. I suppose, really, Tuesday will be the test since I'll be at book club almost all night and DH will be working late because of Obama coming to town.

Anyway, I guess I'm just saying that I feel like I'm finally really growing up and taking responsibility in our house. We just have a few more rooms we need to really go over--mostly our bedroom and closet. The biggest problem is that I have a TON of clothes that don't really fit anymore and aren't really all that flattering. However, if I get pregnant, I have a feeling that I'll just want to wear my "fat clothes" for awhile. Therefore, I don't want to get rid of them or have them altered to fit. But I just have too many pairs of pants that don't fit anymore--it's awful. I mean, it should be good, but it's actually really frustrating. So maybe we'll pack them away and then when I need bigger clothes, we can pull them out. Something has to be done--I have clothes ranging size 14 through 20 upstairs and the room is bulging with stuff because of it. So maybe our bedroom will be next weekend's project. Or maybe even during the week this week.

Side note: Got to get back to the gym this week. Haven't been since January, which was before DH got sick. Feeling better, but just haven't gotten back into the habit. It's bad news. I did do the Biggest Loser video this past week, which was good. I have gym clothes at work today and might go tomorrow after work. We'll see--need to discuss with DH. Not sure if when he says he doesn't feel like going I should push him to go or just accept it. Need to ask.

No stirrups...thank God

Went to my new OB/GYN yesterday. I don't think, if I had an established relationship with an OB previously, that I would have felt like I needed to go, but since I need to get one before having a baby, I figured now would be a good enough time. I was going anyway, so I took questions.

I wish I had funny stories about it, but it was pretty boring, as far as doctor's appointments go. Got weighed, talked to the medical assistant, talked to the doctor about my questions....and that was it. The doctor did tell me that I can stay on all my meds, including my anxiety and allergy meds, which is SO good. She said she'd only want me to gain 10-15 pounds during pregnancy if I stay the same weight as I am now. That didn't make me feel great...but I suppose it's incentive to try to lose another 10-15 before I get pregnant.

I had been thinking that I would wait until I get down to 200 to get pregnant, but I'm tired of waiting. Lord knows that my body doesn't seem to want to lose any more and I don't think I want to wait for years to lose those 10-15 pounds before getting pregnant.

So what are we waiting on? Well, if I were to get pregnant this cycle, I would be due on Thanksgiving. Umm....no thanks. Pregnant next cycle? We're looking at due on Christmas....again, no. So I guess it'll have to be the next cycle. The cycle starting April 18th or so....which would mean....conceiving a baby right around the time we'll be headed to NYC--which means not having to worry too much about being actually pregnant there...which is good.

Damn it, I think too much. I do. Why can't I just let this happen? Why do I have to plan it all? Because that's who I am, that's why. Damn it.

So what I learned at the doctor:

• Drugs are okay :) (well, the ones I'm already on)
• Changes should be made pre-pregnancy so pregnancy isn't so stressful
• No ab workouts once pregnant
• Lighter workouts once pregnant
• No soft cheeses (almost a deal-breaker for me....lol Yeah, right)
• Flintstones are okay, or could even just increase folic acid in my diet since prenatals make me nauseous
• I'm allowed to worry through the first pregnancy...but not after that :) Well, she sort of said that...but I'm trying to be prepped so I don't have to worry too much.

So that's that. So over two months still to wait to even start trying. And then who knows how long to wait after that.

Waiting

Assuming this cycle goes as planned (28 days, early enough ovulation for a decent luteal phase...), we're planning to start trying the end of April. Well, that cycle will start the middle of April, if all goes according to the way my cycles used to be.

Of course, last night I'm talking to my mom on the phone and she's talking about our plans to go to NYC for a few days with her and my dad. They want to think about going in May or June. What if we get pregnant at the end of April? What if we're gone when I need to test? What if I were to miscarry while we're gone? What if I've got morning sickness while we're gone?

I overanalyze everything--I know that. But there are so many what ifs and it feels like maybe we should put off trying another month. But why? I always think--why are we in a hurry? Why do we want to start having babies after being married for less than 3 years? But then other times, I just think--Why not? Why not start trying?

Are we REALLY ready for this? Will I ever feel REALLY ready? I don't think so. Some people say they felt ready until they got their BFP (big fat positive--a positive pregnancy test). Others say they felt ready until they got into a certain trimester, or were in the hospital ready to deliver. But me, this overanalyzer, I don't think I'll actually feel ready until that baby is in my arms. While I'm freaking out.

But DH doesn't think about it. He wants a baby--why not now? He doesn't even think about the big changes it's going to make in our lives...or the implications it could have...how miserable I might be travelling, how crappy I could feel for 9 months...

Yes, I'm overthinking. I know I am. But I really just can't help it.

I talked to my co-worker about the trip and whether we should wait to start trying until May. She told me to stop putting it off. She knows I'm a control freak and want to try to plan. But there are so many 'what ifs'...babies aren't easy to truly plan. So we'll still probably start in April. But I still might try for a vacation in early May--just in case.