Waiting

Assuming this cycle goes as planned (28 days, early enough ovulation for a decent luteal phase...), we're planning to start trying the end of April. Well, that cycle will start the middle of April, if all goes according to the way my cycles used to be.

Of course, last night I'm talking to my mom on the phone and she's talking about our plans to go to NYC for a few days with her and my dad. They want to think about going in May or June. What if we get pregnant at the end of April? What if we're gone when I need to test? What if I were to miscarry while we're gone? What if I've got morning sickness while we're gone?

I overanalyze everything--I know that. But there are so many what ifs and it feels like maybe we should put off trying another month. But why? I always think--why are we in a hurry? Why do we want to start having babies after being married for less than 3 years? But then other times, I just think--Why not? Why not start trying?

Are we REALLY ready for this? Will I ever feel REALLY ready? I don't think so. Some people say they felt ready until they got their BFP (big fat positive--a positive pregnancy test). Others say they felt ready until they got into a certain trimester, or were in the hospital ready to deliver. But me, this overanalyzer, I don't think I'll actually feel ready until that baby is in my arms. While I'm freaking out.

But DH doesn't think about it. He wants a baby--why not now? He doesn't even think about the big changes it's going to make in our lives...or the implications it could have...how miserable I might be travelling, how crappy I could feel for 9 months...

Yes, I'm overthinking. I know I am. But I really just can't help it.

I talked to my co-worker about the trip and whether we should wait to start trying until May. She told me to stop putting it off. She knows I'm a control freak and want to try to plan. But there are so many 'what ifs'...babies aren't easy to truly plan. So we'll still probably start in April. But I still might try for a vacation in early May--just in case.