Thursday, January 12, 2012

21-25ish Weeks

I've been quiet and I'm sorry.  I'm sorry to my readers, however many there may be left, but mostly I'm sorry to myself and my baby.  I've always dreamed of taking selected blog entries and turning them into a book for my kids and for myself someday.  I feel like I've missed out on a huge chunk of my pregnancy by not blogging about it.

I can explain why, though.  You see, in my head, pregnancy should be a joyous thing.  I don't remember feeling too down when pregnant with Baby Girl, except when I would look in the mirror.  But things haven't been as happy this time around.  I was in this funk for a few weeks that I couldn't shake, plus trying to focus on the holidays and all the joy that that brought with my two-year-old (totally serious--it was a great Christmas!).  And then right after the holidays I started to feel horrible.  I was achy all the time, couldn't get comfortable, and then felt like I couldn't eat or drink anything because of the massive amount of acid (and subsequent nausea) I was dealing with.

I went to my doctor appointment on January 3rd and was told I should take Zantac twice a day, which I've been doing since that day.  It has helped get me to the point where I can eat and drink water again, but I'm still feeling acid-y for no apparent reason sometimes.  I can deal with that, though.  I'm trying very hard not to overeat and to avoid acidic foods and have done a fairly good job so far.  And I am lucky that the reflux is not causing heartburn generally--it's just making me burp up everything that I eat, which is disturbing and disgusting, but not painful.

How am I feeling? Physically, I'm doing a lot better than I was (see above).  I haven't had nearly as many uncomfortable days as I had been.  I've been completely exhausted most days and just want to sleep my life away.  A few weeks ago I noticed that I had stopped losing my hair and my nip.ples had gotten a lot larger.  I think my bo.obs have grown some, but it may just be the natural growth from the weight gain.  I'm still sleeping well (knock on wood), even without a pregnancy pillow, and have only had to wake up a few nights to pee.

Mentally, I'm still feeling yuck about the way I look.  My organs have pushed my fat up and out above my pregnant belly, so my upper belly is still bigger than my lower.  I can typically wear things to round it out, but some days I don't and feel really self-conscious all day.  I still have many people saying they had no idea I was expecting, which makes me feel like they were used to me being fat.

Weight thoughts: I have packed on the pounds over the last two months.  Between my early November appointment and my early January appointment, I think I gained close to 15 pounds.  I gained 6 or 8 between December and January and all of that was BEFORE the holidays.  How crazy.  With my new-found reflux, though, I'm eating a lot smaller portions and therefore am being more conscious of what I eat.  If I want an apple and some junk food, I've generally chosen the apple with some peanut butter.

I'm currently getting close to the weight I was when I delivered Baby Girl (which, subsequently, was also the same weight I was when I got married...and then lost another 50 pounds...)

Doctor appointments?  My next appointment will be February 1st and it will be my glucose screening.  I'll be 27 1/2 weeks at that point.  I'm actually sort of nervous about the glucose screening and hope that I don't fail.  I didn't have a problem last time, but I was also a lot smaller last time.

Movement? I'm feeling lots of definite movement.  Over the holidays (I believe it was the day or two after Christmas), Baby Girl got to feel her baby brother kick her.  The Hubby has felt it a few times, but generally loses patience after awhile.  I do think that Baby Girl was more active than her brother has been.  I don't worry about him, but I just don't think he's moving quite as much as she was.  He's definitely getting around, though.  One hour he'll be way over at the side and the next he'll be down low.  His favorite place to hang out is down very low and his favorite punching bag seems to be my urethra or my bladder.  It's not a comfortable thing at all, especially when I'm in the car getting kicked in the back by my lovely daughter!

Baby preparation? Besides trying to choose a name (which we still haven't been able to do), we have done a whole lot of nothing.  I've looked very casually at bedding online, but I'm just not feeling crazy about any of it yet.  I'm sure I'll get there soon enough.  We've decided that all we need to buy is a double stroller and some sort of carrier.  I don't plan on getting a carrier until baby is here so I have a better feel for the way it will fit with baby and with my body post-baby.  We think we'll get a Sit and Stand stroller and still use the single for awhile with Baby Boy in a carrier, at least until Baby Girl is 3 or so.  She still rides will in a stroller, so I hate to mess with that!


Mandy said...

I wonder if the anterior (this sounds weird to me...whatever kind you have now that I had with DS1) placenta has something to do with the baby being on your bladder. Because I felt like DS1 was ALWAYS kicking or head-butting me in the bladder, and I really don't remember it happening that often with DS2.

Don't beat yourself up over not being all sunshine and rainbows all the time. Pregnancy is hard. It's even harder when you already have a little one at home and your body has already taken a beating from the first pregnancy. I am glad you are feeling better, though.

Cassie said...

I'm sorry you've been feeling so awful. Just hearing your descriptions of the heartburn/reflux make me hurt! That's no fun when you're not pregnant, but when you are? It's 1000 times worse.

I'll second what Mandy said: Pregnancy is HARD. I know there are some women who love being pregnant, but I'm just not one of them. Growing a person can be really hard on a body. Take it easy on yourself, and don't worry about documenting this one so much. Years down the road you'll want to remember, and E will love reading about your pregnancy with her, but your son likely won't be as sentimental as we ladies are. This is something I'm still trying to come around to myself. :)

Anonymous said...

just wanted you to know that i'm thinking of you and sending lots of web-hugs your way! i hope that you start feeling better soon. xxo.B