I hate to admit it...

...but I did it.

I have always been one who wanted to be a rebel. But I'm not. I know that. But I hated Dave Matthews b/c all my friends loved him. I hated Labyrinth and Princess Bride because my friends loved them. And I hate Weight Watchers because it's the popular thing here at work. (I also hate Weight Watchers because they don't *really* teach how the points are calculated and want people to think in terms of points. It might work to help lose weight, but most people aren't really thinking about the "calories in=calories out" model)

Anyway, I joined. I'm doing it under protest, but I'm giving it a shot out of frustration of not losing weight. I think most of the frustration because I'm not eating enough and possibly b/c I was eating too much peanut butter each day. With the way I was counting my food, peanut butter counted as a protein, so it was basically free. In moderation. Well, I was having at least 4 T a day...probably more. I had it on toast in the morning and then with fruit/celery in the afternoon....probably a bit too much now that I look at it. Anyway, I'm not losing weight. And I should be. I'm freaking 228 pounds for goodness sake--how can I not lose weight when I work out 4 days a week and cut my food intake???? *sigh*

So I went to my first meeting with my SIL last Wednesday. The meeting was weird...not a big fan. But now I'm officially signed up for 10 more weeks. So I'm doing it. DH and I are counting points and trying to stick with it as much as possible. I'm not eating all my points every day, but I'm trying to really hard. I really, really am. Just need to adjust and eat a bit more during the day, I think.

I go back for my 2nd officialy weigh-in on Wednesday night. I hope I've lost something and continue to lose something. It seems like I've been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds for about 6 months now. And that isn't much fun and is really, really frustrating. I'm holding off on working out, even though I love to do it, just to see about cutting the calories and how that does for me. I don't expect a big loss like so many others have seen in their first week, just because I've been watching what I eat for so long now. But we'll see. A pound would be nice.

*******

Nothing new on the baby front. Still charting, still ovulating, still waiting. This time next week, I will probably be on my last cycle not trying. Holy crap. Which means in about a month and a half we'll be trying to have a baby.

Breathe.

No panic attack......

I want a baby, but I'm so scared!!! How will our parents react? How will our friends react? We'll be the first of my high school and college friends to have a baby...even though all my friends are at least 26. It will change SO much and that scares me to death. But I know that it'll change in a good way, too. We'll be parents. Responsible for a little person's well-being.

Insert panic attack here.