Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Okay, I give

I was planning a post in my head all about how my daughter has taught me to go with the flow, especially when it comes to sickness.  In her 18 months of sicknesses (and there have been plenty), she has very rarely acted sick.  So why should I stress so much about us getting sick and passing it around the household?  Is it worth the weeks of stress (since the incubation & contagious periods can be so long) and not enjoying my daughter (and, more importantly, not getting her kisses) to then just get sick anyway?  Or even if we don't end up getting sick...was it worth it?

But now?  Ugh.  Now I'm totally over it.  I'm beyond stressed out.  I'm scared to death that my daughter is going to get sick.

Why?  Because my husband has pneumonia.  Seriously???  Pneumonia?  I always thought pneumonia was something you got after being sick for weeks--I thought it was something that "settled in".  But no, not for The Hubby.  He started coughing a bit and feeling a bit phlegmy on Sunday night, but we just assumed it was a cold.  The panic set in for me at this point, but that realization that I need to just relax came last night as I got my snuggles and smooches from Baby Girl.  He went to work, not feeling great, but again just assuming it was a chest cold.

He wasn't able to sleep laying down last night so he slept in the recliner (Best. Purchase. Ever.).  I brought Baby Girl downstairs to him while I showered (since she woke before I could get in the shower) (and now I'm kicking myself for doing).  He told me he wasn't going to work and was going to go to the doctor. 

I got a call from him while in a meeting, so I called him back around 3 after the meeting was over.  And that's when he tells me that he has pneumonia.  And he had a fever of 103.6. 

And I lost it.  I just feel so incredibly done right now.  I don't feel like I can handle anymore.  Of course I will, but I just...I'm so tired and stressed out.  I want to cry.

I still can't hear out of my left ear.  It's been two weeks now (been almost a week since I took my last antibiotic).  I don't have any more pain, but it's just a reminder that I'm still sick.  Baby Girl has been waking up snotty every morning for about a week and has been coughing overnight, but it hasn't developed into something else.  Yet.  The kids at the daycare are all coughing and sick, so I assume it's only a matter of time.

And now I get to be a single parent.  Much less stressful when I can take her to the sitter's and still go to work during the day (well, at least it's a different stress...I still stress about her and home, but I don't have to spend the day occupying her and watching her get sick...I get to occupy myself with the immense stress I'm under here at work).  It's not The Hubby's fault that he's sick, but damnit, I just....need a break.  And I need to not feel the need to stress about keeping Baby Girl and myself healthy. 

I'm so done with this.  With all of this.  I've had an overwhelming feeling of "I'm done" for awhile now...and that was independent of the sickness.  This just feels like the straw that will break my back. 


Mandy said...


I'm so sorry.

Cassie said...

Oh, Allison, I am so incredibly sorry to hear this. I know how stressed you've been and how much you've needed a break, and I'm sure this does feel insurmountable. I wish I could do something to help! Is there ANYTHING I can do??

Ruggles'Mom said...

I hear ya! The three of us have been sick all winter. It's gross and exhausting and I just want it to end. But, it's only February, and as long as the sniffles are still floating around daycare, I doubt we'll see any relief. ::sigh:: I need to buy some stock in Boogie Wipes.