Monday, May 16, 2011

Weaned: Two Weeks Later

(With all the silly Blogger issues last week, this didn't publish when it was scheduled.  At least I didn't lose it, though!)

I mentioned in Baby Girl's 21 month post that we were done with nursing.  I'm ready to talk about it, to explore the feelings I had and have had in the 2 1/2 weeks since.

But first, the story. 

Easter Sunday (April 24th) we came back from the in-laws' and had a completely normal night.  I nursed Baby Girl for what would be the last time.  It was a normal session for us, from what I remember (had I known it would be the last time, I would have etched every single moment into my mind).  She was a little distracted, as usual.  She popped off to look at Daddy to talk to me, to watch TV.  Nothing abnormal at this point.  I handed her off to her daddy and they went upstairs and did their bedtime routine and she went to sleep for the night.

Monday evening we were gearing up to start our bedtime routine.  I asked Baby Girl if she was ready and she said, "Stairs?"  This means she is ready to go upstairs, so I asked, "don't you want some milk first?" and got the reply, "No milk".  I asked her a couple more times, The Hubby asked, and she said no each time.  So no milk that night.

I honestly don't remember if her daddy did bedtime that night or I did.  I know I went to the grocery in tears.  I cried most of the drive there and probably looked like a crazy woman while walking the aisles.  I collected myself before I entered the store, but I'm sure I looked a wreck.  I couldn't believe my baby was done. 

I got teary during the next day at work from time to time, but honestly thought she'd want to nurse that evening again.  I just hoped that I'd be able to produce something for her.  I hadn't felt any fullness and had already known that my supply was pretty low at that point. 

I was wrong.  She never asked for it again.  I got up the nerve to ask her this past weekend if she remembered what mommy's boobies were for (she's obsessed with talking about boobies right now) and she said something random.  I told her that she used to drink milk from mommy's boobies.  She seemed wholly unimpressed and went along with her playtime. 

Honestly, the biggest problem with the weaning is that she's still having a really rough time with bedtime.  She doesn't seem to be winding down like we'd like and we've tried different things so I don't have to spend an hour upstairs with her every night (because she's now refusing to let The Hubby do bedtime) and nothing is working.  She won't sit quietly and drink a sippy cup of milk and read, a bath isn't winding her down, sitting and reading books isn't working.  She's incredibly wound up and wants to play upstairs once we get there.  I give her a limit on the number of books and warn her after each book how many she has left.  I try to set limits on the number of toys and blankies and demands she places on the way I rock her.  Last night I finally put her in the crib and just rubbed her back for a minute, which worked well and might be what we try again tonight.

But back to the weaning.  Once I realized that Baby Girl is actually weaned, I've been trying to celebrate it.

I've been wearing a real bra since 4/27 (one with UNDERWIRE!).
I've taken allergy medication
I've started back on Weight Watchers (and have lost at least 5 pounds)
We went out to dinner and didn't worry about being back in time for bedtime (although we were and were happy to see our girl before she went to sleep)
I could (although I haven't yet) start drinking caffeine again if I want
I have been able to drink wine without really worrying about any implications

I know there are positive aspects to weaning, but I still miss that requisite time with my girl each night.  As much as I resented nursing sometimes, I do really miss that quiet time with her.  She's now an active toddler who doesn't have time for cuddling with Mommy.  She's moved on.  And I'm trying to do the same.


Cassie said...

You made it almost two years, which I think is just so incredible. You're such an amazing mother. And that is definitely something that deserves to be celebrated!

Still, I can't even imagine the emotional toll something it must have had. I hope you're able to replace that quiet time you cherished with Baby Girl with something else that's just as special.

Sarah Dee said...

Hurray on the 5lbs! That's a great wagon to be on. Sorry to tarnish it with frosty. Opps.

I can't imagine the conflicting emotions.