I thought I was okay

..but now I'm not so sure. 8 dpo and I'm now back to overanalyzing every single thing. I guess I'm having a harder time letting go than I thought. Of course, I do realize that I can't control anything, but I'm listening to my body like crazy (and not of my own will), trying to decipher every pang and everything going on. I'm tired. I'm totally tired of doing this, but my being overly aware of my body isn't something I feel like I can control--I try not to think about it and I try to think about everything else...but it just isn't working today.

It doesn't help that some of the women on a local message board are posting about how they thought AF was on her way the cycle they got their BFP. It would just be easier for me to be let down when I see the spotting tomorrow than to keep believing it could happen. Good thing I'm not a huge drinker, because once the spotting starts I could go on a bender...lol!!! Right!

For those of you reading and thinking I'm being negative...I'm really not. I still have SO much hope in my heart that this could be the cycle, but I'm trying to be realistic and guard my heart so I don't feel so much pain when I realize that this isn't the cycle.

At 8 dpo I'm feeling some very sporadic pains in my lower right and lower left quadrants (one lasted for awhile right around where my leg and torso meet). No breast tenderness. Some heartburn last night and this morning. Right now I feel like I've got a lump in my tummy in the upper left quadrant, but I know that has nothing to do with it...still doesn't keep me from thinking about it. Oh, and I'm breaking out on my chin like I always do this time of the month.

So I say this prayer: God, please let this be the cycle. Yes, I realize that whatever happens is Your will and I will do my best to accept it and find the good in it. I know You will be there for me no matter what the outcome and I know there is a reason behind everything. But please let this be it. Amen.