Anxious

I feel like anxiety rules my life. I had been off and on anxiety medications since my wedding in 2006 until getting pregnant. It originated as a diagnosed eating anxiety disorder and progressed to more become more generalized. The first 6 months of pregnancy I felt pretty great--hardly noticed any anxiety at all. However, recently I've noticed a major increase in the frequency of my anxiety attacks.

Just in the last 24 hours I've felt anxious (to the point of having a tight chest, getting a bit dizzy, etc.) about:

- Sw.ine flu. Yes, I realize this is being overhyped in the media, but working in a building where there are hundreds of college students leaving their germs all over the place doesn't help much with this. If someone here got infected, I believe it could spread really quickly. Hygiene just isn't something they are particularly concerned about. Add into that the fact that I have a diminshed immune system and I'm about to bring a baby into the world whose immune system definitely isn't developed fully....yeah, you could say I'm nervous.

- Worrying about what people think of me. Again, logically I know this isn't something I should worry about. But it is. I still get looks of surprise when I someone finds out I'm pregnant. So if I don't look pregnant, I look fat, right? And then I work on planning things and it doesn't work out the way I want...I take it all pretty personally. In groups I may look like I'm having a great time and am outgoing, but in the back of my mind I'm always worrying what someone is thinking about what I'm saying/doing/eating.

- Car wrecks. I hardly let DH drive anywhere anymore because I need to be in control of my destiny in the car. I get anxious about other drivers being stupid and possibly causing me to get into a wreck (again, because I'm the one that has to protect this baby! I can't imagine how bad it will get once she gets here).

- Work. Luckily, I don't have to worry about having a job, but I do get anxious about just about everything else with work. My boss, my coworkers, my job duties...they all make me very anxious and overwhelmed regularly.

- Safety. Ever since I can remember, I've worried about safety. I used to think someone was going to climb on the roof outside my bedroom and come in and get me. I look in my backseat every time I get in the car. I double-check doors. If I don't have some sort of noise while falling asleep (typically the TV), my mind races about the possibilities and the little noises our house makes. Luckily, DH makes me feel really safe when I need it. :)

- My baby showers. Actually, just one of them. Because of some ugly family history, it's looking like I'm going to be having two separate showers for the two sides of my family. I hate that it's all being brought about again and I feel stuck in the middle. I'm trying not to worry about it too much, as I can't do anything about it, but well, that's sort of what anxiety is....

I don't know why I'm enumerating it all here. Writing it all out does make me feel a bit better, though, so there you go :) No, I won't be seeking treatment or medication just yet. I find that I can typically breathe through most of the anxiety attacks and be okay. I did order a Prenatal Yoga DVD that I hope to receive either today or tomorrow and am hoping that doing that on a regular basis will help me with my relaxation.

99 days?!?!??!!!

You're kidding me. Really? 99 days??? There is no way 99 days is enough time for me/us to be mentally OR physically prepared to have this baby! Yes, we have more done than a lot of people at this point. We have furniture purchased and assembled and DH is painting the nursery today while I'm at a party. We've scheduled a couple of our prenatal classes. We've scheduled 2 of 4 showers. So yeah, when you look at those things...we're ready. But I'm ENJOYING being pregnant, for the most part. I want to stay pregnant for awhile longer (well, once the A/C in our house gets turned on...yesterday was absolutely miserable). Yes, I want to meet this little one, but she can stay in there for awhile longer as far as I'm concerned! When she comes we're truly responsible for this little life (it's a lot easier to keep her healthy, safe, and happy when she's inside me!)...how scary!

My belly button

I've been trying to come up with a cute title for this post, but just couldn't. Basically, my belly button is changing, but not in the way that I thought it would. I thought it would start to poke out first. But no, it's doing this weird stretching thing and is now at least twice as wide as it used to be. I was joking with DH last night that it looks like a mouth. He tried to stick his finger in it and I told him it would eat him. LOL It's creeping me out, but not nearly as much as it would be if it poked outward...so I guess I should count my blessings!!!

Most recent belly pic

To appease Miss Julie....more to come once I figure out a better way to get them into the blog.

Insert Techno Music Here

'Cause last night there was a dance party in my belly! This little girl has been busting a move more and move every day--to the point where I feel like my stomach should be shaking! She also keeps finding new places to hang out in there. One minute she's down pretty low, then the next she's found a new nook up on a side high up. She must be cruising a lot in there--hope she realizes 10 p.m. isn't playtime once she's on the outside.

I never want to forget this feeling. Sometimes I'll be sitting at work and she'll just be bouncing around in there and I stop what I'm concentrating on because, well, who wouldn't?? She just never ceases to amaze me! Right now I'm doing my absolute best to enjoy feeling her in there because I know I'll miss it when she's here.

Small Things

1) Homemade pulled pork (complete with leftovers!)
2) Blue box mac & cheese
3) My DH writing and talking about how much he loves this little baby and how he hopes she has my smile.
4) Texts from DH telling me he misses me, even though we're just at work
5) Knowing that DH is as distracted by all this baby stuff as I am!
6) Having hope for friends who are still struggling to TTC--hope is a powerful thing!
7) A great friend who offered to throw me a friends shower :)
8) Hosting Bunco next month!
9) My grandma who bought me a maternity shirt
10) The weather getting warmer again!

A brilliant solution to a common pregnancy problem

Yesterday was a rough day for both DH's and my olfactory systems. From the time I left work (ie. through shopping at a couple of OSU stores, Half Price Books, riding in the car, grocery shopping...) I couldn't stop it with the nasty, stinky pregnancy gas. It was awful. It got to the point where DH and I were both rolling down windows and running from the area of the store we had previously been in.

However, in the midst of one of those attacks (almost more of a blitzkrieg) in the car, DH came up with a solution. He grabbed my flavored lip balm that was in the console and said, "Here, put this on your upper lip". We both caked it on and rode the rest of the way to the grocery with our lips shoved up toward our noses (picture a fish face...), both of us giggling like maniacs. But it worked...

Making Progress

We're making some good headway toward not being slobs anymore. Our kitchen has officially been clean for almost an entire week. We've done a great job keeping it clean!


We've got an accordion file set up where we can put all papers that will eventually need to go to the filing cabinet. Yesterday I worked on coupons--I set up another accordion file for loose coupons that I can organize by expiration date and then put all of my inserts in order.

My coupons are a total mess, so I'm going to need to work on it more tonight and throughout the week!

We're working on getting caught up with laundry and are making sure with each load to get them put away so we can put the next one away. We will, again, work on getting this done during the evenings this week.

We went through the nursery to see what was in the boxes in there and now have 3 boxes of things to take to Half Price Books. Who knows what we'll get for it, but it will be out of our hair, which is a great feeling!

Our whole first floor is officially clutter-free, which is awesome. Now we'll just work on keeping it that way. Soon our bedroom should be in a good place, too. I'm hoping by the end of the April everything in our house will have its place and then we just need to work on developing good habits.

Thanks for all the great tips, everyone!!!!