Weekly Meal Plan 8/30-9/3

Monday: Smoked Sausage Scramble from the Biggest Loser Family Cookbook (Yep, I'm back on the wagon.  Again.)
Tuesday: Thyme Fried Chicken and sweet potato fries, both from the Biggest Loser Family Cookbook
Wednesday: Thai Chicken Pizza
Thursday: Either chicken fajitas or something out to celebrate the beginning of football season (either way, we'll have some munchies--if anyone has any great, new recipes they want to offer, please do!)
Friday: Enchilada Chicken from the Biggest Loser Family Cookbook and some black beans (because Baby Girl LOVES her some black beans)
Saturday: Either chicken fajitas or something out (probably Chipotle, since it's a gameday tradition for us)

It's on like Donkey Kong

I'm trying my best to make the best of the situation.  We'll be spending many nights away from our beds--some at The Hubby's parents' house, some in a hotel, some in a condo on the beach.  But we're making it work and hopefully everyone is happy in the end. 

Please send prayers of strength and patience to me as I deal with a baby, though, who already doesn't sleep well and who will be completely out of her element for quite a while!  We all need to try to be flexible...which definitely isn't a virtue I possess.  God help us all!

What a craptastic day...

My day was shot by 8:30 this morning.

As we were pulling out of the driveway this morning, The Hubby got a call on his personal phone, which, as you know, can only mean bad news at 7 a.m. on a Thursday.  It was his mom letting us know that his grandfather had passed away at 3:00 this morning.  It was sort of a shock.  He has been in the hospital for a few weeks, but everyone thought the worst had passed. 

We drop Baby Girl off at the sitter's, where she begins to have a meltdown as we walk out the door.  It was the first bad dropoff we've had.  It's been escalating most days, but usually she's at least accepting of her fate as we leave.  Today she had that lip poking out and was starting to warm up to a good cry.  The Hubby and I both cried in the car as we pulled away.

We get to work and realize that with the cargo carrier on top of the car (we've installed it because we're borrowing it for our vacation we were supposed to leave for on Saturday...more on that in a minute) we don't fit in any of the garages that are within a 5 minute walk to the office.  That sent us on a 15 minute drive trying to find a parking spot on a surface lot and when we finally found one, ended up with a 15 minute walk to the office, which isn't going to be fun in the heat of the late afternoon.  Oh, and of course that means we're both late for work.

As we exit the car, The Hubby realizes his lunch bag has a huge hole and his food is all over the floor of the car.

All this before 8:30.

Since then, I've found out that I won't be working on a project I was planning on working on (I didn't really care too much one way or the other, but still almost cried when she told me just because I'd already planned on it and I don't deal well with plans changing).  I also dropped the huge plug for my pump on my big toe, right in that sensitive spot where the nail and the skin meet.

I just want to go home, put on jammies, eat a pint of ice cream, crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head, and pretend this day never happened. 

The worst part is that I'm beating myself up for being selfish about this whole thing.  I had no relationship with The Hubby's grandfather.  My experience with him has been cordial, at best.  He never bothered to learn my name and never met Baby Girl (which I'm sure The Hubby feels really guilty about now even though his grandpa never made an effort, either).  He had his favorite grandchildren and The Hubby and his siblings weren't on that short list. 

Of course The Hubby is still mourning, though.  And I know I'm mourning for his dad and for the impending loss of our own parents (not too soon...just makes you realize that he was someone's father).  But I'm also mourning the loss of our vacation.  How awful is that?  We were supposed to leave to drive to the beach on Saturday and had a condo rental all set up.  At this point the best case scenario would be for the viewing to be Saturday, the funeral on Sunday (which I know rarely happens) and then we leave to drive down on Sunday evening or Monday morning?  Then we have to turn the rental back over Saturday morning and drive back.  It would work, but it just throws a wrench into the PLANS (which, like I said earlier, I get all bent of shape when plans change, even though I try to keep in mind the phrase "You plan.  God laughs.").  Plus my parents were going on the trip, so it messes with their lives as well.  I do feel very guilty, though, about worrying about this vacation now.  I feel like I shouldn't be worried about it...but I am. 

Mmm....food

Why am I so damn hungry?  Argh!  This is what I've eaten today:

100 calorie bagel with sugar free jam
Golden Grahams bar (favorite new treat!)
soynuts
2% Cheese Easy Mac
Baggie of grapes
20ish Town House Flatbread crackers (holy crap, these are good...)
Lean Pocket
2 piece of Laffy Taffy (complete with cheesy jokes)

And I have an apple and a Fiber One bar (aka death bar (srsly, folks...bad news, especially during this particular time of the month)) in my bag just staring at me. 

I've drank my water and keep drinking it as I feel hungry, but it's not really helping.

I have taken walks and tried to get away from my desk, but when you work doing computer stuff, you can't really be away from the computer for long.

Losing weight sucks.  I was just thinking about the fact that I've lost about 15 pounds from the day I gave birth.  Over seven pounds of that was baby and who knows how much was fluid.  All those people who said breastfeeding was a magical weight loss solution can suck it.

Wow, I'm bitter today, aren't I?  I think I'm just tired of being fat.  I know I could change it if I tried, but I've tried before and gotten to a good place and just gained it all back again (shut your mouth, those of you who want to say "but it was for the baybee"...I could have gained a lot less than 50 lbs and been perfectly healthy).  And losing weight isn't fun.  Part of me feeling entitled to be able to eat whatever I like and not gain weight is because of all the work I did in the past to lose it and also as a....reward?...for breastfeeding for so long. 

I suppose it's time to start tracking again.  I just see all these people who eat what they want and are teeny.  Of course, they don't eat as much as I'd like to, but still.  I just feel like I *should* be able to eat whatever, even though I can't, so I try.  And it's bad news.

Now that you've read my horribly bitchy, disjointed post, you can return to your life.  :)

One Year Stats

We had Baby Girl's one year appointment yesterday (a little late, but that's what happens when Daddy is supposed to call and make the appointment because his job is so much busier and more important and never does call and the appointment only gets scheduled because Mommy was at the pediatrician's office with the kid getting her ears checked and by then the earliest they could get us in was 2 weeks after her birthday...). 

She got her four shots (didn't like them, of course, and took a bit longer to calm afterwards than ever before--typically she'll calm as soon as we pick her up but this time she whimpered for another couple of minutes but probably would've been fine if we'd've distracted her, but of course after all the screaming we just wanted to snuggle her) and we haven't seen any sort of reaction so far, thank goodness.  We could see mump/measle-like bumps today, which aren't contagious and/or we could see chicken pox-ish bumps next week, which *could* be contagious for about 24 hours.  Yippee.

Anyway, we also, of course, had her height, weight, and head circumference measured.

Height: 28 inches (25th percentile)
Weight: 19 lbs 15 oz (25th percentile)
Head: 18 inches (>75th percentile)

Yep, that's my lollipop of a kid.  ;)  But she still has delicious rolls on her thighs and a little buddha tummy.  The pediatrician said she was perfect--he was fine with her size and said she was above average for all of her developmental progress (of course my kid who NEVER crawls was crawling when he came in, so he asked if she was pulling to standing....um yeah...she can stand up in the middle of the room, run to you, do a backflip, and land on her feet.  Well, maybe not that backflip thing, but you get what I mean).  He was pleased with her talking prowess and her mobility (once we told him what she could do).  The only thing he's a bit concerned about is the heart murmur.  He emphasized that it probably isn't anything, but if it isn't gone by her 15 month appointment we'll be heading to see a cardiologist.  Mommy is a little freaked out and just praying it resolves itself by then, but trying to stay calm and know there's nothing we can do about it now and know that it's a really common occurrence.

The Great, the Good, and the not so Good

The Great:  We had a fantastic night last night!  Baby Girl had her one year appointment (complete with shots), but she was in a fun mood yesterday.  I was laying on the floor and she would walk up to me, then give my head a hug (which probably looked more like putting me in a headlock...), then roll off, stand up, walk around to the other side, and tackle my head again.  She was showering my face with slobbery kisses and giggling like crazy.  She would eventually tire of attacking my head and then walked down along my side and pulled up my shirt to tickle my belly.  She got a little rough, but it was so cute that she wanted to tickle mommy :)  Then she'd climb up onto my head, usually end up straddling my neck, and lay down like she was tackling me.  I'd roll her off to a barrage of giggles, tickle her, and she'd run off, only to return about 15 seconds later.  So much fun!!!!

The Good: Baby Girl is understanding compound requests like "Go get the shoes and bring them to Mommy, please".  She knows what shoes are, where they are, and can combine the instruction to bring them to Mommy.  According to the sitter (whose thoughts we always take with a grain of salt), that's pretty advanced for her age.  What a smartie!

The Not-so-good:  Our family has gotten quite a bit of bad news recently.  My aunt is terminal with her cancer (started out as breast cancer that was in remission, but then metastasized in her brain.  She's been fighting the brain stuff for awhile now and about 2 months ago was given 4 weeks to live.  She's outlived that, but her doctor has officially turned her over to hospice care to help her be comfortable.  It doesn't sound like things are good. 

We also got a call last night from The Hubby's mom that his grandfather (his dad's dad) wasn't doing too well.  He had had some surgery on his leg and was given a spinal block for it, which apparently, when combined with some pain meds he'd been given early, has rendered him unconscious.  He's come in and out of consciousness, but when he's awake, doesn't know where or who he is.  Scary stuff.

Lastly, I've just learned about a coworker having breast cancer.  It sounds like they've caught it early, but it's still so very scary. 

Please keep them all in your thoughts and prayers.

Dancing Queen...Uh Oh!!!

This weekend Baby Girl started doing two new things!  She started out nodding her head--we think she's equating it to "yes", but aren't sure.  But then she started using it as a head bob to dance.  Adorable!  We're turn on some music and she'd start the head bob.  It got to where the whole family was head bobbing to the music--too funny!

The other thing she started doing was saying "uh oh".  She doesn't really use it in context, but just says it randomly.  We, of course, think it's the cutest thing in the world, so we say it back, resulting in all three of us just saying "uh oh" over and over...

A Year of Nursing

Wow.  It's hard to believe that I've made it to a year.  When I first got pregnant (and up until Baby Girl arrived), I was a little weirded out by the thought of nursing, honestly.  I knew I wanted to give it a try, but couldn't imagine what it would be like, having only used these puppies for pleasure previously. 

I remember the day I first saw some colostrum while I was still pregnant.  A friend of mine had mentioned that she had some (we were due around the same time), so I squeezed and got a little bit out.  It was both freaky and exciting at the same time--maybe my body was going to cooperate!

Baby Girl took to nursing fairly easily (with help from almost every nurse and a couple of lactation consultants!) while in the hospital.  Because of having a C-section, my milk didn't come in right away (it came in the day we left the hospital--day 5) and we were a little concerned that Baby Girl wouldn't gain weight well.  She also had a touch of jaundice (I found out later that we probably shouldn't have been discharged with as jaundiced as she was.  The measurement taken before we left the hospital was lower than the day before, so they thought it was on its way out of her system, whereas it then went back up the next day.), so the doctors really wanted me to nurse a lot to "wash" it out of her system. 

I still remember the stress I felt of having to go for weight checks.  It felt like a direct reflection on my abilities as a mother.  We were discharged on a Sunday and had our first pediatrician appointment on Monday.  We had to go back that Wednesday, Friday, and the next Monday to see if she was gaining weight.  That next Monday the doctor said since she was just one ounce below birth weight that she would be okay (they want them back at birth weight by the time they're two weeks okay, which would be that Wednesday).  I was so nervous we would have to supplement with formula, though, because I knew that the more she nursed, the more I would produce.  I wanted a chance to be able to provide because I was pretty sure if she had formula she wouldn't nurse as much and, therefore, I would never produce enough for her.  I'm thankful daily that we didn't have to supplement (both for my ego and for my wallet!).

We've had a couple of rough patches with nursing (including the night it was so painful that I didn't know what to do...thank God for a friend who offered me nipple shields at 10:00 p.m. who was dealing with her own newborn at the time!), but overall nursing has been amazingly easy for us.  We haven't had to deal with thrush, clogged ducts, undersupply, oversupply, or mastitis, which I realize is incredibly fortunate.  Each day that I nurse my baby I'm grateful for these blessings.

Nursing, though, while it hasn't been too bad physically, has taken an incredible emotional toll on me.  I'm very happy to do it and, in the moment, love it more than words can say, but it's been hard having to manage my bo.obs all the time.  I have to always be thinking of how I can relieve myself and am nervous about missing a session because I'm afraid my milk production will slow.  Many people will say "well, you can just have someone give her a bottle", which is true except that I still have to find a way to get the milk out of my body.  If I'm going to pump and *could* be close to her, then I'd just as soon nurse her.  It's entirely my own mentality, though.  I could probably miss some sessions without pumping and be okay, but don't want my supply to suffer because I'm being selfish. 

The hardest part is the combination of the pressure of being Baby Girl's sole source of nutrition with knowing that I ALWAYS have to think about how to get the milk out of my body and never have the true freedom to do something I'd like to and also with knowing that anything I put into my body is still affecting her (I always really thought that would end with her birth!).  I haven't had caffeine in a very long time...I'm overly cautious about it, but now fear what it would do to her if I had it.  This means I'm always looking for caffeine-free options, which can be difficult, especially when all you want is a Coke Zero!  It also means that I haven't had any alcohol in almost a year because I'm nervous and refuse to pump and dump.  No glass of wine is worth that and those stupid test strips are expensive.  This body-sharing also means I can't take drugs I'd like to sometimes when I'm sick, which includes my allergy medicine, but that's because I'm afraid it'll dry up my milk.

You'll find a theme to most of my complaints, though--they truly are my own choices, just like nursing.  I suppose it's going to be this way for the rest of my life--always making sacrifices for my baby.  I still think nursing her is the best thing for her, so I continue to pump three to four times a day during the week (I'm pumping once before bed every night because if I don't I'm not able to get the 12 oz per day that she needs) and I continue to make choices for her benefit. 

I can honestly say, though, that nursing now is more physically painful than it was when she was little. She twists and turns while she eats and I have a hard time controlling her. She's also forgotten the art of LETTING GO. She just slurps off and on and, well, it hurts. But we're working on it. At least she's stopping biting.

Many people have started to ask about weaning (especially when I mention the biting!).  I plan to just let her lead weaning whenever she's ready.  Many times she doesn't seem like she needs to nurse, but if you could see that smile when I offer (show her the sign for milk), it would melt your heart!  And there are still other times when she wakes from her naps that she's cranky until she gets her milk, so I know she still wants it, at least for now.

She loves to nurse and it's the only thing that can calm her sometimes, which makes me a little nervous for when we do wean!  It makes me wonder, though, if I have any soothing skills besides offering the breast.  I suppose we'll find out someday.  For now, though, whenever she wakes in the night The Hubby brings her to me and I nurse her back to sleep.  And I'm okay with it.  I don't think if I stopping nursing her that she'd necessarily stop waking, so I do it.  When she slept through the night for that glorious week it wasn't because I withheld nursing--she just did it of her own accord. 

I'll miss this bonding time when she does wean.  I love my snuggle time and because she's such an on-the-go type of girl, I don't know if she'll have time to snuggle with her mommy anymore.  I hope so.  I'll miss looking into those big brown eyes gazing up at me.  I'll even miss the way she pulls on my hair (she can get a little rough sometimes) and tries to play with my eyelashes while she eats.  I'll miss those lazy nursing sessions (we still have ones that last for 20 minutes or more!).  I'll miss that moment when she pops off and just lays there, asleep.  I'll miss this bond I have with my baby girl, but, for now, am just thankful for the year of success we've had.

Twelve Months Old

A few of these developmental things technically happened just after she turned a year old, but I am having a hard time remembering what was happening as of her birthday (bad mommy not writing things down then!).

~ Baby girl is beginning to run!  It's the cutest thing!  She's still stumbling and falling down a lot, but she (almost) always hops back up and goes again. We've had multiple people tell us that she's really "rough & tumble", which we're happy about.

~ Baby girl says "Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" all the time.  Seriously.  To her dolls, to us, to anyone.  She says "Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as soon as a door is opened, many times before people can hear her.  And if you don't respond, she'll keep saying it.  Of course, if you *do* respond, she'll keep saying it. 

~ Baby girl also says "mamama", "dad", "daddy", "daho" (dog, we think, as she said it when the IL's dog would run across the room), "duck", "bye", and The Hubby says he's heard her "moo" and "quack"

~ Baby girl knows where her nose, her tummy, and her mouth are.  She can also point out the eye on her doll, but we haven't seen her do it on my own body yet.

~ Baby girl has had a few meals where she eats what we eat, but because we still haven't successfully introduced milk, we typically give her pieces of our meals.  Last night, for instance, she had a bunch of black beans from Chipotle while we had our burritos.  I also gave her some of my tomato and corn salsas.  We still haven't found many foods she won't eat (she didn't seem to like yogurt this time, even though she liked it the first time and she didn't like the fruit cocktail I tried to give her at Sam's Club last night.  She still love hummus, applesauce, black beans, corn, peas, and quite a few other things.

~ As of the day before her birthday, Baby Girl has four teeth!  That second top one finally poked through the gums and is about the same length as her other top tooth.  She never seemed horribly bothered by it, thank goodness!

~ Her favorite game is still peek-a-boo.  It is the only thing that will always be responded to with giggles. 

~ Baby Girl loves to tickle.  If you aren't wearing shoes in our house, chances are good that she'll toddle over to you and grab at your feet.  Many times it's a bit rough to be ticklish, but we play along.  She's also started pulling our shirts up to tickle our bellies.  Just need to remember to teach her not to do it in public!

~ Books are still a favorite in our house.  Many times we'll be delayed in doing something because she'll request a book--and who can deny that???  She still loves her Elmo book (So Big) (she even knows when it says "Elmo says 'Ma-Ma-Ma'" and says "mamama" when the page is turned) and also really likes Brown Bear and anything with a flap or textured pages.  Our library has grown tremendously--there are books all over the house!

~ We're working on teaching Baby Girl to put things away.  It's fun to see that she understands simple questions ("Please take this shoe to Daddy") and follows our instructions.  She receives high praise and snuggles whenever she does something we ask! 

~ Baby Girl's kisses have moved from open to closed mouth and, honestly, I'm a little sad about that!  I loved those big open-mouthed kisses I used to get all over my face.  But the closed-mouth ones are so sweet and if you say "give Mommy a kiss" she'll lean in and give you one right on the mouth.  She's also learned to blow kisses this weekend.  Sure, sometimes she'll blow them from her cheek or something, but she gets it ;)

~ We've completely transitioned to the convertible carseats.  We weren't taking the infant seat out of the car anyway, so we went one weekend and got a second convertible seat (our first was a hand-me-down from The Hubby's relative).  Baby Girl looks so teeny now in there, but she seems comfortable (besides getting sweaty....anyone have a remedy for that???). 


I think that's about it...my baby is turning into a little girl before my eyes!  She's still so sweet and loves to sit on your lap to read books, but when she thinks you're going to try to get her to go to sleep, she's out of there!  She's sleeping okay--bedtime is a bit more challenging than it used to be, but getting better.  She slept through the night for exactly a week, but then got sick and we haven't seen that again.  But we're doing okay :)

Happy Breastfeeding Awareness Week!

I just found out this is Breastfeeding Awareness Week.  I want you all to be aware of the benefits of breastfeeding and then make the best choice for you and your child, whether that means to try to nurse until you have gouges in your nips, not to ever try breastfeeding at all, to nurse until baby is 5, to exclusively pump, to take supplements, to wean at a certain age...whatever it means, just be aware there are benefits to breastfeeding.  And whatever you choose, I applaud you for doing what's best for you and your child.  Really.  I believe breastfeeding is what is right for our family, but know that it isn't right for everyone.  It's okay to differ on this subject!

I just read a fabulous blog post (all of her posts are fabulous--if you need another blog to read, please check out hers...it's witty, dry, and intelligent).  I think it's absolutely right to aim the discussion in that direction, rather than to tell everyone that breast is always best, no matter what.

So good for you, mom.  However you choose to feed your baby!

Meal Plan 8/1-8/7

Sunday: I think we had leftovers
Monday: Taco Pizza (refrigerated crust with a sauce of refried beans mixed with taco sauce, topped with ground turkey in taco seasoning, cheddar, tomatoes, and sour cream.  Wanted to use onions, but we can't find the bag I bought and The Hubby hid because he wanted the house to look clean put away)
Tuesday: Burgers and diced sweet potatoes
Wednesday: Shredded BBQ chicken w/corn on the cob
Thursday: Brats and mashed potatoes
Friday: Pasta and meatballs
Saturday: either eating out (we're celebrating our anniversary by going to see a musical and may eat lunch or dinner out depending on the plans of our babysitters (my parents))

We were out of town Friday through Sunday, which is when Baby Girl got sick, so we were also home all day yesterday with her and I'm home with her again this morning when I get relieved by The Hubby.  The Hubby has been sick for a week and I'm just praying I don't catch it, too. Baby Girl now has a double ear infection and is being treated for a possible case of whooping cough (guessing she doesn't have it based on most of the symptoms, but the doctor said since we're giving antibiotics for the ear infections anyway we should nip it in the bud just in case).  So yeah....not much time to write up about what we did on her birthday (short story: went to the state fair), where we are developmentally, where I am emotionally, and what's going on with nursing.  But we'll get there at some point.