Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Mmm....food

Why am I so damn hungry?  Argh!  This is what I've eaten today:

100 calorie bagel with sugar free jam
Golden Grahams bar (favorite new treat!)
soynuts
2% Cheese Easy Mac
Baggie of grapes
20ish Town House Flatbread crackers (holy crap, these are good...)
Lean Pocket
2 piece of Laffy Taffy (complete with cheesy jokes)

And I have an apple and a Fiber One bar (aka death bar (srsly, folks...bad news, especially during this particular time of the month)) in my bag just staring at me. 

I've drank my water and keep drinking it as I feel hungry, but it's not really helping.

I have taken walks and tried to get away from my desk, but when you work doing computer stuff, you can't really be away from the computer for long.

Losing weight sucks.  I was just thinking about the fact that I've lost about 15 pounds from the day I gave birth.  Over seven pounds of that was baby and who knows how much was fluid.  All those people who said breastfeeding was a magical weight loss solution can suck it.

Wow, I'm bitter today, aren't I?  I think I'm just tired of being fat.  I know I could change it if I tried, but I've tried before and gotten to a good place and just gained it all back again (shut your mouth, those of you who want to say "but it was for the baybee"...I could have gained a lot less than 50 lbs and been perfectly healthy).  And losing weight isn't fun.  Part of me feeling entitled to be able to eat whatever I like and not gain weight is because of all the work I did in the past to lose it and also as a....reward?...for breastfeeding for so long. 

I suppose it's time to start tracking again.  I just see all these people who eat what they want and are teeny.  Of course, they don't eat as much as I'd like to, but still.  I just feel like I *should* be able to eat whatever, even though I can't, so I try.  And it's bad news.

Now that you've read my horribly bitchy, disjointed post, you can return to your life.  :)

4 comments:

Mandy said...

Once again, I so could have written this. In fact, the page I visited before this one was that blog you sent me about intuitive eating. I was reading that Bethenny Frankel book on vacation (uh, so not a vacation book. don't do that.) and it really spoke to me. I can't track points for the rest of my life. It makes me obsessive. So I'm trying to be more conscious about what I eat, and eat tiny bits of real food instead of loads of diet food. I don't know how it's going so far, because it's been like a day, but I'm trying. And I am so there with you. I felt like a whale on the cruise. Sorry, this is long.

Sarah Dee said...

:(

Cassie said...

All of those things are pretty healthy though! So it's not like you're going around stuffing your face with chips and ice cream, which is what I routinely do every evening. I really need to stop doing that.

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but if you figure out the magic lose-weight-and-don't-gain-it-back tool, PLEASE let me know.

Colleen said...

Oh Allison... big hugs! The weight struggle is always the worst! You know you can do it and you know that you have the tools to do it. Keep your head high!!!