Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Not Preventing

I wish I could have this mindset when TTC.  I wish I weren't so aware of my body that I always know where I am in my cycle, whether I'm charting or not.  I wish I could just "play it by ear" and "let nature take its course".  I wish I could try without trying.

But I can't.

We've talked a lot about TTC in the next few months.  I still don't know if I'm ready, but I also don't know if I'll ever be ready, really.  I want to lose more weight.  I want to save more money.  I want to be making more money so we can afford daycare better.  I want to move to a better school district.  I want to own my body for a little while longer.  But I don't think I want our kids much more than 3 years apart, if I can help it.  And who knows how long it's going to take to get pregnant.

In other words, I still don't know what to do.  Why can't I love sex and just go at it with my husband without protection and get pregnant whenever it happens?  Why do I have to plan sex and still know whether it's likely within my ovulation window?  Why do I have to overanalyze every little piece of this?

3 comments:

Cassie said...

Because you're YOU. And you like to feel in control. And so much of this is out of your control. Unfortunately. And that sucks.

I wish I had some advice or words of wisdom, but I just don't know what to say or how to help. But just know that I'm here if you want to talk about any of this in more detail, ok?

crockpottuesdays said...

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone on this. I obviously don't have kids yet, but I am a serious planner/analyzer about EVERYTHING (and DH is too, to an extent), so I know when we do start TTC it will be planned, planned, planned. Sometimes I think it would be nice to just go off BCP, have fun, and when it happens, it happens -- but DH is not on board with that. :)

Hang in there. I am a strong believer in that everything will work out for the best.

Shanna said...

I agree with Cassie, just be yourself. If you aren't ready, don't do it, you will just feel resentment and anger later. There is nothing wrong with having kids further apart, and being more prepared. Just don't do it because you feel like you should but because you generally want to, this coming from the mommy of 1. :)