Whining

I need to whine about whining.

I have a lot of things that are great in my life. DH and I both have job with great benefits. We have a beautiful daughter. We have family who love us very, very much. The people around us are (knock on wood) healthy and happy. We have a house. We have two working cars. We aren't struggling too badly financially.

Things are good.

But sometimes I want to whine about the little things. Yes, I try to keep perspective that others have it much worse. I know that. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm frustrated with some things in my life.

For instance, DD doesn't like to sleep. Yes, I realize that your daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was a year old and was up every 2 hours for those 12 months. And yes, mine is *only* up twice a night now and it isn't *that* hard to put her back down afterwards. But I am still utterly exhausted.

Also, DH is working quite a bit this week. No, he's not out of town overnight for weeks on end...but I'm getting DD and myself out the door most morning, picking her up most evenings, cooking dinner, and even doing bedtime by myself one night this week. It's more than I've tackled on my own before. I know I can do it. But it won't necessarily be fun.

Maybe I'm selfish.

Actually, I'm sure I'm a little bit selfish. I like to get a break every once in awhile. I already don't get much of a break, so when I'm looking at a week like this one coming up and realizing that it's ALL going to be on my shoulders (which I already feel like it is, at least emotionally), I'm nervous, anxious, and not looking forward to it.

And this is my blog and I can whine if I want to (and you can look forward to more and more whining, I have a feeling...I hate to whine to people who have it far worse than I do, so this is going to be my outlet...that way if you don't like it, you don't have to read it! ;) )

Answer Another Question: Regrets

This question came from both Brooke and OSUFish123, essentially. They wanted to know what my biggest regret is (if I have any).

I'd LOVE to be one of those people who says, "I live in the present and have no regrets about my past." I do try to look at my regrets in the mindset that if they hadn't happened, I wouldn't be where I am, but it doesn't make me not regret them either way.

In my youth, I was a cheater. I admit it, I sucked as a girlfriend.

In April 1996, I started dating D. I guess I should start out saying that D first dated my best girlfriend at the time, L. He realized that L. wasn't right for him and, Guess What!, I was. So we chatted a lot and once she started dating another friend of ours, we had the green light to start dating. D. and I were really pretty perfect for each other. We had different interests (I was a musician and he was an athlete), but always supported each other in our endeavors. We always had a great time together and I am pretty sure I was in love. I still think about him sometimes and think I could have married him if things had turned out differently.

But I digress. My BFF, J., was a guy. At 14, I wasn't mature enough to have a BFF that was a guy, but what 14 year old admits that to herself??? He was in music with me, so I was with him quite a bit during the school day. He was fun and made me feel good about myself. He also, somewhere in there, dated my friend L. He also cheated on L. with me while she was on vacation. *sigh* And that was when it started. We flirted...it started out as harmless...but it wasn't, really. It was harming D. and he didn't even know it. I convinced myself at some point that I was falling in love with J...but couldn't give D. up because I think I knew D. was better for me and would stay with me. D. found out about J. and, bless his heart, forgave me.

We were together through high school graduation, when we both went to different colleges. We emailed, called, and saw each other fairly regularly, but I ended up becoming friends with a different J...and you know what happened next. I cheated. And D. came for a semi-formal Spring Quarter and found out. It was over and I was devastated.

Like I said, I still think about D. I miss him. I saw him at our 10 year reunion and he was the same guy. He's married now and I hope he's happy. I would love to be able to be friends, but I just don't think it's possible on my end.

It's hard to label yourself as a cheater after cheating on one guy, even if it's with two different people. So enter T. I started dating T. a few months after D. and I broke up. He was an older man and I'd had a bit of a crush on him (he was in an organization I was a part of in college). We talked and became friends and then started dating in June 1999. Everything was great between us. He left for grad school August 2000 and thus started another long distance relationship.

And you know what happens next. I found another guy who was there, at my college with me. That's all he was...in the same location. So I cheated. Multiple times. And it was like I had two boyfriends. I broke it off with T. August 2001 (while I was living with his sister, no less). I missed him for a long time, too.

Oh, and if you're wondering, no, DH wasn't the guy I cheated on T. with. That guy turned into a total jerk. Goes to show you how much that was worth. But I've moved on, especially from the T. relationship. I realize now that it was all for the best in that situation--he married his best friend at grad school and they've got an adorable little boy.

I've never once cheated on DH. And I think that's how I knew he's the one; I never wanted to. I also know it's because of me--I'm a different person with him than I was with D. or T. I'm more confident--in myself and in his love for me.

I wonder at times what my life would have turned out to be like if I'd stayed with D. or T. If I'd stayed with D., I'd probably have been a better student and actually used my degree when I graduated. But I think everything that's happened has led me to where I am...and I'm pretty happy with where I am today. I wouldn't have the daughter that I have and I wouldn't be with DH--and those two things alone aren't possibilities I want to consider.

My newest mantras

I've been struggling a bit recently which is sort of why I haven't been posting here. I hate to be a complete downer and also don't want to seem ungrateful for the blessings that I have (and I do have many!). So I've been avoiding blogging. I'll be back soon, I promise.

But in the meantime, I wanted to post a couple of things that someone on a message board I'm a part of posted. I've been reading them to myself every morning when I get to work to help get me through a rough day.

St. Theresa's Prayer
May today there be peace within you.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, an dpass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
- Reinhold Niebuhr

Eating Habits (with some TMI included)

As I think most of my readers are aware, I have lost a significant amount of weight over the last 5 years (wow, has it been that long?). To recap:

Spring 2005 to late June 2006 (my wedding) I lost about 40 pounds.
June 2006 to fall 2007 I gained back 20 pounds
Fall 2007 to March 2008 I lost 25 pounds
March 2008 (I think) I joined Weight Watc.hers and lost about 40 pounds before getting pregnant November 2008
During my pregnancy (November 2008 to July 2009) I gained about 50 pounds
Pregnancy to now, I've lost about 15 pounds

Whew! Quite the roller coaster! And that's not even detailing the drastic weight loss in high school and the crazy climb of 120 pounds from 1998 to 2005.

Because of nursing DD, I'm a little apprehensive about cutting calories, so I've decided to start tracking my food intake beginning today, just to see where I am right now. I have discovered, however, that it's really difficult to write down what you're eating without being aware of what it is. This is something I've always advised people of when they're trying to lose weight, so I'm not sure why it's so surprising to me, but it's taken me aback.

Knowing I was going to track my intake and also realizing that I should be eating more fruits and veggies, if not for my own sake, for the sake of my daughter, I bought some baby carrots, apples, oranges, and grapes at the grocery last night. I've been good today--been eating my fruits and veggies and not so much my processed foods...but my (TMI) bowels have taken a beating because of it. Just 15 minutes after finishing my grapes, I was on my way to the restroom. *sigh* Guess I shouldn't be making these changes so drastically.

I'm guessing I'll be able to keep this Oatmeal Creme Pie in my belly just fine... :)

A sitter

(no, don't read that with an 'h' inserted--she still only poops once a week....)

We officially have a sitter. Baby girl sat and played with a toy for over 15 minutes on Saturday. Woohoo! She's still not 100% stable (if we leave the room, we'll lay her down), but she much prefers sitting over laying. Of course, she still prefers standing over any of it... :)

A Milestone

Baby girl is officially able to roll both from belly to back and now from back to belly. She doesn't really want to get to her belly most of the time, but she can do it! She's been rolling onto her sides for a week or two, but last night used the blanket she was laying on to pull herself onto her tummy. Can't wait until she figures out she can now travel using these newfound rolling skills!

Stay tuned--in the next week, I'm guessing we'll officially be calling her a sitter. She's been sitting for a few minutes at a time, but still isn't really steady...not sure when we'll officially call it, but she's SO close! This morning was the first morning I got her undressed from her bedtime clothes with her sitting up.

Exhausted

DH and I were both sick. I woke up in the middle of the night (when DD woke me) with an upset tummy (very queasy). DH let me nap a bit on Sunday morning and I felt a little better. Ate a small dinner on Sunday. Still felt fairly bad on Monday, so we stayed home from work, as DH started feeling queasy on Sunday afternoon. I pretty much cared for DD from then on.

This weekend DD started shrieking like a crazy woman when we try to get her to go to sleep. It's always been a battle, but we figured we'd wait until we were feeling better to work on it. We also had a routine that had been working for us. All that has been thrown right out the window. We've been up every hour overnight with a shrieking child. Every time we try to put her down...more shrieking. Once she wakes up after we put her down, it takes her another hour to calm and fall back asleep.

I can't even explain how exhausted I am. I almost passed out leaning on her crib last night, trying to get her to sleep because I was sweating and still feeling somewhat queasy. We've spent many hours in the rocker/recliner in the living room, in the rocking chair in her room, with me or DH standing over her crib, and with her in bed with us. We don't sleep well when she's in bed with us because we're so afraid we'll roll over on her. It's to the point where I'm dreading going home and want to just stay at work today so I don't have to deal with putting her to sleep. I also don't want to go pick her up and hear how awful she was about sleeping today because I know the sitter will start to push letting her cry it out on us again, which we're not comfortable with, especially now that she's started this shrieking business.

I don't know what to do. I'm at my wits end and am on the verge of tears every second. I've been reading different methods...the one that speaks most to me is the Baby Whisperer...she doesn't advocate letting the baby lay and cry. Might try it. I'm just feeling very lost and like I've screwed my baby up royally by letting her sleep on us so much--now she doesn't know how to sleep on her own. We've swaddled her until now and it's worked okay...but now I think we need to get her out of it--that could be why she's waking so often now.

Of course, all of this could just mean she got whatever bug DH and I had and once she's feeling better she'll go back to sleeping just fine. Either way, it was time to make some changes, but I really didn't want to be forced into it in the middle of a week when feeling awful. How am I supposed to function without any sleep?

2009 in Review

I wanted to do a 2009 meme and found this one on a few blogs, so here goes:

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Gave birth!

Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't think I made any...and I don't really plan to make any this year. I know a lot of people view the beginning of the year as a new start, but if I didn't want to make a change on 12/31, why 1/1?

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Oh yeah. Five close friends (one newly close b/c of her having her baby) had FIVE boys between May 29th and August 21st.

Did anyone close to you die?
No, but my BFF from college's father passed in late May.

What countries did you spend time in this year?
USA

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
A good night's sleep.
Better communication with DH
Peace of mind. I stress too much.

What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 29, 2009--the day my life changed forever
I would say the day that we found out we were having a girl, but I couldn't tell you that exact date, but it must not be etched...lol

What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Duh. :) Surviving giving birth. Exclusively breastfeeding my baby girl for over 5 months (and still going strong). Loving one little person more than I could ever have imagined.

What was your biggest failure?
Losing touch with a lot of people.
Not being a support system for my best friends when they need me.

Did you suffer any serious injury or illness?
Besides being sliced open to extract a baby? Nope.

What was the best thing you bought?
Our new car or our new camera. I can't decide.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
My DH. He's been a rock for me through the last five months. He's been a bigger support system than I could ever have imagined he would be, both physically and emotionally.

Whose behaviour made you appalled and/or depressed?
My own sometimes. I feel guilty for not enjoying every second with my baby and for having times of resenting her.

Where did most of your money go?
Baby junk, including daycare

Compared to this time last year, are you,
a) happier or sadder? a little sadder, I think. Well, I wouldn't say sad--just more stressed out. I was blissfully happy about having a baby this time last year and now I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
b) thinner or fatter? Sadly, I think a bit fatter. Still need to lose about 30 pounds of baby weight to get to my pre-pregnancy size. Nervous to cut calories because I'm very scared about my milk production and this possibly impending 6 month supply dip.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer in money, richer in love (yes, you can puke now). Paying for daycare each month is pretty draining financially.

What did you get really, really excited about?
Baby, baby, baby!

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Gone out to eat with DH before baby came. :)

Did you fall in love in 2009?
Every time I see my husband kiss, hug, hold, snuggle, or play with my daughter, I fall in love all over again.

How many one-night stands?
Nope--I've got the same routine overnight every single night...and I can assure you that it doesn't include anything romantic (although there is one person who is playing with my bo.obs)

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Don't think so. I do my best not to hate people.

What was the best book you read?
I don't remember...how sad is that? I know I liked some Book Club books, but I am struggling to remember life before baby!

What did you want and not get?
A vaginal delivery

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
We went out to Mongolian BBQ while my parents watched the baby, then came home and watched the OSU vs. Indiana football game. I turned 28.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to be a SAHM.

Who did you miss?
The baby in my belly some days :)

Who was the best new person you met?
Any of the Nesties that I'd never met before IRL--I love finally putting faces to the names and voices on the board. Also, the LCs, nurses, and PCAs that I interacted with at the hospital--they were such a blessing!

Tell us a valuable life lesson(s) you learned in 2009.
Sleep when the baby sleeps. :)
Your best friends will understand when you detatch from the world for awhile and will still be there waiting when you emerge again.

What sums up this year? (a word, a quote... ?)
Baby! She is my world.

Five Months Old

I can't believe she's already five months old.

Baby girl has such a wonderful temperment. She's quick with a smile to anyone she meets. She loves people, especially ones that will let her stick their fingers in her mouth.

She's chewing on everything these days. Anything she comes into contact with goes directly into her mouth. Even once she tastes something and isn't a fan, it'll go right back into the mouth. All of her stuffed animals are pretty crusty now because of all the drool. Along these lines, she also tried to nurse on stuff ed animals with noses--they must look like nip.ples.

She's a total champ at rolling from belly to back. She isn't a huge fan of being on her belly (although she'll sleep there if we let her for naps), so she'll almost immediately roll onto her back. Within the last week she's started rolling onto her sides from her back, so I don't think it'll be too long before she's rolling from back to belly.

She will be sleeping in a Pack.n.Play at the sitter's beginning today, as she's started getting up on her hands and feet in the bassinet!

In the last week she's started throwing her upper body backward to see what's behind her (or just for fun sometimes). It's silly and she always laughs as she does it.

She can sit in a tripod position for awhile, but inevitably will get excited or want to see what's behind her (see above) and will go toppling over. She's getting better and better at sitting, though, and last night she did sit for about a minute without having any hands on the ground or on anything else. Of course, she got excited about her animal she was chewing on and went falling to the side.

Baby girl still loves to stand up whenever possible. We haven't seen any improvement in her ability to stand--for the last few months she's been able to stand holding only your fingers and much prefers to be in this position than sitting or laying down.

She gets giggling sometimes and it is the most adorable thing! The thing that will get her giggling most often is quickly moving your face toward hers. This also includes fake sneezing (something about the head movement). She loves it!

She loves playing in her Exer.saucer and is getting better and better at entertaining herself with a toy. She has recently decided she isn't a huge fan of her Bum.bo, though, and has started arching her back to try to escape from it after sitting there for a couple of minutes.

Her sleeping is less than optimal and we're working on trying to find a fix for that. She previously slept very well when swaddled, but that doesn't hold true anymore. She's also awake every 3 hours, but eats well when awake, so I don't think we'll work on discouraging that anytime soon. She fights sleep like crazy, which makes naps and bedtime fairly painful. When we catch her before she gets overtired, though, she did a lot better, so we're working on being extra attentive to her drowsy cues and catching her before she gets overtired. She naps best on her belly, but we aren't letting her try that overnight until she can get herself there.

She was never a child who stared at her hands in amazement. It just seemed that all of a sudden she started using them. She's now a pro and will grab most things and also passes them from one hand to the other. Since her grasping reflex is gone, she does lose her grip at times--typically over the edge of her Bum.bo or Exer.saucer, which then leads to her leaning over the edge, trying to see where it went. She also will grab the binky out of her mouth and toss it (we think this is still mostly unintentional). She's also grabbing at her feet, but still hasn't pulled them up to put them her in mouth. Rather, she'll typically bend her upper body down to try to get them in her mouth.

Her digestive system seems to always be changing. Most recently (as in just in the last 3 days) she has started pooping more regularly again. Until now, she'd only been going every week or so, which resulted in a huge blowout. However, the poops she's been having have been fairly rough on her--on 12/27 she started making gasping noises, scaring the heck out of Mommy and Daddy. We eventually figured out that it was related to her pooping and that she was totally happy during it, so she wasn't in distress. So scary, though. We're not sure if the change is because of the things I have eaten over the holidays or just because she's growing--probably a combination of the two.

I think that's about it. This little lady is such a joy to be around until bedtime. Even when she's past when she should've gone to sleep, she's a giggly, happy little girl...until you try to put her to sleep. But we love her to pieces and can't imagine life without her. She's loving and sweet and always smiling. Can't wait to see what this next month brings!

Tooth

Not much time to write, but wanted to get this out there so I don't forget it for later.

Wednesday, December 16th, we discovered a little sharp white thing poking out of the baby's gums. It seems to be a tooth. It came through without much fussiness or anything. The sitter (in her infinite wisdom) says that when the drool is stringier, that's an indication that a tooth is on the way. Well, hers now stretches a couple of feet. The tooth has since disappeared again, but it looks like her gums are a bit swollen around there, so I'm guessing it'll come through sometime... She is now chewing on everything she can get in her mouth with her favorite chew toy being Grandma B's fingers.

Good thing I invested in a teething toy for her: HERE I can't wait for it to arrive!

Answering Mandy's Question

This question comes from Mandy, a new mommy herself (her little one is just 12 days older than mine!) who is working crazy hours...I have no idea how she does it!

How many kids do you want? How far apart would you like them to be? What would you like, i.e. all girls, one of each, one girl and the rest boys, etc.? (I know you can't choose that, but I'm wondering what you envision as ideal.)

We've been going back and forth of this recently. I would like either 2 or 3 kids. If we could afford (both with money and time) to give them all the things that we want (a LOT of help with college, allowing them to take whatever lessons they want, giving help with homework, spending time with them), I'd say 3. But with working for the state, the financial stuff just tends to get in the way. For now we'll say three, though.

I always assumed we'd have them about 2-3 years apart. I think I'd like to start trying when E is 18 months or so--I'd like them a little closer together than 3 years. Of course, it may not happen right away again, which is another reason I want to start trying early and then if we do get pregnant the first time, I'd be fine with having them 2 years and 3 months apart.

As for the genders, I would, honestly, rather have a bunch of girls. Just not a big fan of little boys (not baby boys...little boys once they get to be 5 or so). That said, DH REALLY wants a boy. And now that we've found out we're about to get two more nieces (we already have one...no boys on DH's side at all and I'm an only child, so we won't have any nieces or nephews at all on my side), it would be really neat to give my father in law a grandson. So if #2 could be a boy, that'd be great. Then #3 can be a girl without freaking DH out too terribly much :)

Answering Trisha's Question

I've determined a winner of the giveaway, but am not going to reveal the winner just yet--I'm going to answer everyone else's questions first...so if I answer your question, you didn't win (well, you didn't win the giveaway...you won in learning something about me, though!)


This question came from Trisha, the social media saavy mommy of Delaney:

How has your social life changed after the baby?

What social life? Really... I swore that after the baby arrived I would still do the same things I did before--Book Club, girls' dinners, spending a weekend with friends out of town...but in reality, I don't do any of them anymore. They all seem so insignificant next to spending time with my little girl. I know for my own sanity I need to make an effort to get out, but being a working mom, it's REALLY hard to do that during the week. After missing her all day long, I have a hard time setting aside more time to spend away from her.

That said, I've gotten closer to my friends who have little ones about E's age. I see one of them very regularly and spent time with her and her little boy, Baby D, while we were both on maternity leave. I've also reconnected via email and Face.book with a couple of college friends who have had babies recently.

I am happy to report, however, that we were able to successfully host our annual Christmas party this past weekend. It's small, mind you (just two other couples--and one of those couples is the parents of Baby D that I mentioned above), but it felt like such an accomplishment. Yes, I had to give up a little control of the food (DH and our friends did some cooking while I was feeding E), but overall it turned out well. We still had good food and got to spend time with our friends. The night ended earlier than normal, two of us had to take time out to feed our children, there was a bit of kid noise, but I think it's just the way the party is evolving. I can't wait until next year when the little ones are mobile!

I'm going to make an effort to get out of the house...someday. I'm just happy to know my friends will be there for me once I decide to come out of hiding. For now, though, I'm just enjoying every second I get with E. She's such a joy and I don't want to miss a minute more than I already have to because of work.

I haven't forgotten

I haven't forgotten at all about your questions and my giveaway, I'm just distracted with a puking baby.

Four month appointment was yesterday (also got family photos done beforehand). According to the doctor, she's perfect. :)

Stats:
Weight: 13 lbs 14 oz (just over 50th percentile)
Length: 23 7/8 inches (just under 50th percentile)
Head: somewhere around 41 cm, I think--around 60th percentile

The doctor laughed when I told him that lots of people keep telling me how teeny baby is. He said she's perfect. We also got the clearance to start cereals (starting with barley or oatmeal since she's only pooing once a week or so--apparently rice can really back baby up). Not sure when we'll start that.

Anyway, after the appointment, we went to the mall. Baby was very well-behaved, but kept spitting up on DH's shirt (she was in the front carrier). She was happy and just took in all the people and commotion. She passed out in the car on the way home, so we ran a few more errands (DH ran into the stores while I drove in circles to keep baby sleeping). Once awake again, she started spitting up more.

I called the nurse to explain what was happening. She wanted to know if it was vomiting or just spitting up (vomit apparently is more forceful...but I have no idea what this is). She told us to try giving her some Pedia.lyte to see if she can keep that down. We were going to try this, but she kept down a lot more of her next feeding, so we decided maybe she was feeling better. She had a good night--was her normal happy self and all...just spitting up much more than usual.

DH was so concerned about it that he slept in the rocking chair until she woke for her first feeding just in case she choked at some point in the night. It was so sweet. She was fine, of course :)

This morning, though, she started spitting up/vomiting quite a bit again. We decided to take her to the sitter's anyway, but as we put her in her coat, she did it again. That's when we decided to keep her home. DH has her this morning and is trying to give her the Pedia.lyte (she refused it the first time). She's still happy and playful and not getting dehydrated, so we're trying not to worry too much and are hoping it's just a reaction to a vaccine or something. I'm heading home around noon to trade out (DH has a 1:00 meeting) and hoping she's feeling much better by the time I get there.

An important anniversary

This weekend it will have been one year since we found out we were pregnant. It was during halftime of the OSU vs. M*ch*g*n game, which just happens to be tomorrow.

I can't believe it's been a year. So much has changed. So much hasn't. I can't believe I've been through a pregnancy and had my little one here for almost four months now in this short year. Where is the time going? I really hope it doesn't keep going so quickly, but have a feeling that it will. I try to enjoy every single moment because I know that every phase we go through will pass sooner than later.

Wow. It's hard to believe how much life change we've been through in one year.

PS--I've had some great questions already posted and am excited to start answering them. If you haven't submitted a question, please do so for a chance to win a really fantastic prize! :)

Ask me anything...and a giveaway

I'm playing a game that I've seen on other blogs...ask me anything. In the comments for this post, you can ask me anything. I may choose to be a bit vague so I don't reveal *too* much information (mostly names), but I will answer any question that is asked of me.

As enticement to participate, I will be giving a special prize to a random person who asks a question to me. I haven't determined what it is yet, but I promise it'll be something that you'll like :)

Yes, this is bribery. But I'm tired of seeing that there are a bunch of people reading and not knowing who is around! Don't be shy!!! The deadline to ask me questions is next Thursday, Thanksgiving (November 26th). I'll answer the questions in future blog posts.

Posts in my head

I don't have nearly as much time to blog as I would like, which leads to me writing blog posts in my head. You can (hopefully) look forward to posts titled things like:

Beautiful
What I Want
Mommy's Guilt
Developmental Update
My Christmas Wishlist

I'm sure there are more. And I might end up posting something special for my 300th post (which is the next one). We'll see.

But I'm still here. Still trucking along, trying to redefine who I am now without completely losing myself, but while encompassing my new role as a mommy. It's a struggle and has led to some frustration and sadness. But through it all, I still love my little girl more than I ever could have imagined.

Memoirs from Maternity Leave

I wanted to get this post written before those glorious twelve weeks have left my mind forever. I do hope they never do, though, as they were wonderful and I want to remember my first three months with my little girl. Was it all rainbows and flowers? No, of course not. But in retrospect I'm realizing that I was so blessed to be able to spend that time with my little girl.

Every day I watched The Price Is Right, What Not to Wear, and ER. Many days I'd also watch Dr. Oz. When you've got a newborn, all they really do it sleep and eat...there just isn't much interaction there. So while feeding and snuggling, what else is there to do? I'd DVR these shows so I could turn them on and watch without commercials. I also watched some movies and lots of other random shows.

Toward the end of leave (just when it was getting fun and we were falling into a routine), we would wake up around 6 or 7, DD would eat, then she'd go back to sleep. Many days I'd just snuggle her in my bed and we'd sleep together there for a couple of hours. I miss our snuggle time more than words can say. We would start out chest to chest on our sides and end up with both of us on our backs, her head supported on my arm. When she started to squirm, many times I would open my eyes to see her looking over at me, wide-eyed and happy to see Mommy so close. Magic.

We also loved taking walks together. Of course it was getting chilly by the time I came back to work, but when it was warmer (but not too warm!) I'd load her up into her stroller and we'd walk the neighborhood. Some days she'd snooze, some days she'd just look around. One day we even walked down to UDF and Mommy bought some chips and a hot dog, as that seemed to be the only way I could eat since she was sleeping on me if she was sleeping.

We also got to visit with two of my mommy friends who had little ones: Sarah and her baby boy D (born 3 weeks 1 day after our baby girl) and get up eight and her own baby boy D (born 12 days before baby girl). I'd hoped to do it a bit more, but it was wonderful as it was. We got to compare notes, woes, and even shed a few tears. They were a great support system when things were tough emotionally. I even got to witness the elder of the baby D's roll over for the first time!

Sure, I felt trapped by having her sleep on me most days, but looking back, I wish I could have that all over again. I would let her sleep on me all day every day to be able to spend that much time with her again.

It's Official

I do believe, even after last night, that I can declare that we have a baby who sleeps through the night! She's been sleeping for at least 5 hours in one stretch for quite awhile now, but we have made it a week now with only two nights of waking in the middle of the night. At most, she's slept 10 hours and at the minimum, 8.

Last Saturday night she woke up after only about 5 hours, but she slept a bit more during the day than she does at daycare.

Yesterday she woke after about 6 1/2 hours, but she had wiggled her fist out of her swaddle and was sucking on it and woke herself with that. That's just a problem with a faulty swaddling :) Of course now whenever she wakes in the middle of the night, though, she thinks it's morning and wants to play. So last night DH spent almost an hour rocking her back to sleep.

I was previously a firm believer in that whole sleep begets sleep concept, but now that she's at a sitter's and only sleeping a little bit there (maybe 3 hours total in the 9 1/2 hours she's there?) she's sleeping like crazy at home. I think it also has to do with the fact that she's a bit older and doesn't get overtired quite as easily, which is SO nice. In the first few months if she slept as little during the day as she's sleeping now, she would be a screaming mess in the evenings. Now she just passes out after eating.

Our nighttime routine has changed a bit since she's started daycare as well. We now get home around 5:30 and she usually snoozes in her carseat for about 20 minutes. When she wakes up, she eats, then we play and hang out. If she seems extra tired, we'll let her take a 20 minute lap, unswaddled. Then she'll get up, play a bit more, eat, then pass out for the night. We haven't even really had time for massages, books, or anything. She's just so tired from all the excitement of the sitter's.

As much as all this sleeping is nice, we both really miss our little girl.

She did it!

Last night (Oct. 27th), baby girl rolled over on her own!!! Mommy, Daddy, and she were laying on the floor. She lifted her head up and started to lean. All of sudden, she just rolled over onto her back!!!!

I have some more philosophical posts to write, but no time....but I had to write this down. We couldn't be more proud!!!

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho

And off to work I went.

Today was rough. But at least I was distracted by seeing my coworkers and showing off pictures of my beautiful baby. Tomorrow has the possibility to be even worse.

I worked 6 hours--8-2:30 (with a half hour lunch....sort of). The drop off was pretty painful. I couldn't believe I left my baby in someone else's arms. Ugh.

Pumped three times--8:30, 11:30, and 1:30. Got 5 oz. at 8:30, but only 5 oz. combined between the other two feedings. Very frustrating.

Picked up just after 3:00. The sitter and baby were snoozing together in the rocking chair--precious! I will say I was a bit disappointed by how little detail we received about how much she slept and ate and when, though. It felt like she didn't want to tell us how much she cried. We knew she would cry and, honestly, I wouldn't be phased by that. She did eat 14 oz., which scares me when I realize I need to pump enough to keep up with that. I'll just have to be pumping over the weekends and in the evenings, too, I suppose. I'm hoping, too, that the sitter didn't just pump her full of food because she was upset. Baby normally only eats twice in the time she was there today.

Hopefully she's just getting used to the way the baby is and it will all get into a better routine next week. And hopefully tomorrow isn't harder--I'll have less to concentrate on at work and I'll be more anxious about pumping enough to meet her needs (which, of course, could decrease my output...can you say vicious cycle?).