Down

The post title refers to a few things in my life right now.

1) My weight.  From last week to think week, I've lost 1.6 pounds.  Woohoo!  I'm right around the lowest I've been since having Baby Girl.  After the first few days I've gotten used to eating less, too, and am not all that hungry.

2) My milk supply.  I'm going to blame it on my impending period (yes, I said impending...she shot off a warning signal on Friday and I've been spotting ever since), but if AF doesn't show by this Friday, then I'm going to blame it on the calorie reduction and will probably go back to eating junk like before.

3) The numbers of hours of sleep we're getting a night.  Baby Girl was doing really well (didn't want to jinx it by blogging about it) and waking once a night, eating, then going back to bed.  We've been struggling recently, though, with the worst in awhile being last night.  We woke at 10:30 and The Hubby was able to get her back to sleep.  She woke again at 11:30, screaming her blasted head off.  It wasn't pretty.  I was determined not to feed her, as I had just finished pumping around 9:45 and knew I wouldn't have much supply for her and didn't want to piss her off more.  But after about 45 minutes, I caved.  I had tried rocking, hugging, talking...everything I had up my sleeve.  She'd doze off, then wake up screaming again, tears streaming down that beautiful little face.  So I nursed her and she eventually (after a LONG time...like 45 minutes of nursing???) fell asleep.  I thought, great, this means she'll sleep for awhile.  Not so much--she was back up at 3:30.  She was, once again, really upset.  I don't know if it was b/c she'd gotten overtired from not napping (even though she went to bed before 6:30) or if her teeth were bothering her or if she was truly hungry because I was producing *that* little milk...but she was pissed.  So I gave her some Tylenol and nursed her and she fell asleep.  She slept until morning and woke up happy.  Who knows.  But I'm dragging ass today.

4) My mood.  Might be partially because of the lack of sleep, but I'm also just getting really bogged down with everything recently.  Baby Girl is really getting grabby (in a mean way--pulling hair HARD, scratching our faces, pulling our noses and lips...she's always done it, but as she gets bigger, she's getting stronger) and is making our interactions not nearly as fun.  Work has been pretty overwhelming.  The Hubby just isn't helping in ways that I want.  I want to go out with friends, but want to spend time with my daughter in the little bit of time I get each day and don't know how to balance that because what if, God forbid, something were to happen and I didn't spend every second with her that I could have?  Of course I can't live that way all the time, but it's the thought I've had a lot recently.  I won't regret spending time with my baby, but if I take time for myself away from her, I just might regret that.  So yeah, things are weighing heavily on my head and heart recently.  And I need to plan her party still and it's bugging me that The Hubby isn't giving me any feedback about our guest list.  I know it doesn't matter as much to him as it does to me, but, damnit, it should!

So yeah, there it is.  I'm down...in one good way and in three bad.  Eh, 25% isn't so bad, right?