Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Down

The post title refers to a few things in my life right now.

1) My weight.  From last week to think week, I've lost 1.6 pounds.  Woohoo!  I'm right around the lowest I've been since having Baby Girl.  After the first few days I've gotten used to eating less, too, and am not all that hungry.

2) My milk supply.  I'm going to blame it on my impending period (yes, I said impending...she shot off a warning signal on Friday and I've been spotting ever since), but if AF doesn't show by this Friday, then I'm going to blame it on the calorie reduction and will probably go back to eating junk like before.

3) The numbers of hours of sleep we're getting a night.  Baby Girl was doing really well (didn't want to jinx it by blogging about it) and waking once a night, eating, then going back to bed.  We've been struggling recently, though, with the worst in awhile being last night.  We woke at 10:30 and The Hubby was able to get her back to sleep.  She woke again at 11:30, screaming her blasted head off.  It wasn't pretty.  I was determined not to feed her, as I had just finished pumping around 9:45 and knew I wouldn't have much supply for her and didn't want to piss her off more.  But after about 45 minutes, I caved.  I had tried rocking, hugging, talking...everything I had up my sleeve.  She'd doze off, then wake up screaming again, tears streaming down that beautiful little face.  So I nursed her and she eventually (after a LONG time...like 45 minutes of nursing???) fell asleep.  I thought, great, this means she'll sleep for awhile.  Not so much--she was back up at 3:30.  She was, once again, really upset.  I don't know if it was b/c she'd gotten overtired from not napping (even though she went to bed before 6:30) or if her teeth were bothering her or if she was truly hungry because I was producing *that* little milk...but she was pissed.  So I gave her some Tylenol and nursed her and she fell asleep.  She slept until morning and woke up happy.  Who knows.  But I'm dragging ass today.

4) My mood.  Might be partially because of the lack of sleep, but I'm also just getting really bogged down with everything recently.  Baby Girl is really getting grabby (in a mean way--pulling hair HARD, scratching our faces, pulling our noses and lips...she's always done it, but as she gets bigger, she's getting stronger) and is making our interactions not nearly as fun.  Work has been pretty overwhelming.  The Hubby just isn't helping in ways that I want.  I want to go out with friends, but want to spend time with my daughter in the little bit of time I get each day and don't know how to balance that because what if, God forbid, something were to happen and I didn't spend every second with her that I could have?  Of course I can't live that way all the time, but it's the thought I've had a lot recently.  I won't regret spending time with my baby, but if I take time for myself away from her, I just might regret that.  So yeah, things are weighing heavily on my head and heart recently.  And I need to plan her party still and it's bugging me that The Hubby isn't giving me any feedback about our guest list.  I know it doesn't matter as much to him as it does to me, but, damnit, it should!

So yeah, there it is.  I'm down...in one good way and in three bad.  Eh, 25% isn't so bad, right?

3 comments:

Cassie said...

YAY on the first one, BOO on the last three. I think these babies of ours are trading off in the sleep department. Tonight will be good for you and bad for me, since last night was good for me and bad for you. We need to get them on the same page!

And oh, I think we are soul sisters or something, because I can relate to pretty much everything in #4. Except for the party thing. But I'll be there again in 7 short months!

Danica said...

YAY on the weight loss!

Hugs - always thinking of you and hoping that things get better at home for you.

Mandy said...

Great job on the weight loss!

I so could have written the part about the grabbiness. I am about one good yank away from cutting seven inches of hair off. It hurts and after he does it six times in a row, in addition to pinching while trying to clamber over me, it gets old and I lose my patience. And I don't know a solution to make it stop.