Crisis Mode

I discovered this morning how I react in a perceived crisis.  It isn't particularly pretty.

When we're trying to get to the car in the morning, many times we'll let Baby Girl walk around the car by herself while we carry bags, lunches, and all the other things we need for the day.  This morning The Hubby was helping her out to the car while I finished up my breakfast and set the alarm.  She had walked around to the other side of the car while he was loading on the passenger side.

I walked around to get her and she wouldn't listen to me and get in the car (which has become a trend recently...).  I was setting down my English muffin on top of the car and looked and saw that she was going even further away from the car, toward the mouse poison.

I yelled "No!  No! NO!  NOOO!" and she just didn't listen.  I freaked out.  I don't know if she touched it or not--I don't think she did.  I yelled at The Hubby--"I need you to take care of that rat poison!"  He threw his glass of lemonade against the wall of the garage in frustration (I'm sure he was feeling attacked).  He grabbed the tray of poison and threw it in the trash can as I stood over Baby Girl, who I had grabbed and thrown into her car seat, panting and near tears.

The Hubby got into the car as I lectured Baby Girl.  I tried to explain that we needed her to listen when we say "No" because it means she's doing something that could hurt her.  I kissed her, twice.  The Hubby asked if I needed him to get something to wash her hands, but he said it in such a tone that I knew he would feel incredibly bothered by it that I told him no.

I got in the car, shaking.  I drove down the road, barely listening to Baby Girl talking--pointing out a bus, a truck, a bird.  And then I hear her eating the English muffin piece we'd given her. 

Shit. 

So I pulled over the first logical place I could find.  I grabbed an old napkin I found on the floor of the backseat and licked it and tried to clean off her hands.  I tried not to panic.  And I proceeded to try to avoid panic every time I heard her cough or whenever she'd stop talking.  It was really difficult to do during a half hour drive on the freeway.

She's fine, thank goodness, but that was scary.  And The Hubby and I didn't exactly speak at all in the car, even after we'd dropped her off.  I think the fact that I resent having mouse traps and poison in my house came out.  I also think the fact that I resent my husband not cleaning them up now that we've trapped over 10 mice in our house because I've *always* feared that Baby Girl would get into them came out as well.  I snapped.  I know it wasn't the best reaction and definitely wasn't one of my more attractive moments.

We'll talk today after work.  I'll apologize and so will he.  I think I need to find a constructive way to discuss my frustrations with him...before I'm too frustrated.