Failure

I hold myself to really high standards most of the time and have a hard time accepting failure on my own part. I'm really disappointed and feel like there's something that I could and should have done better to allow us to get pg this month. Should I be miserable for the next few months and discontinue my Zyrtec D so that I actually have some CM? Should I have started eating the pineapple earlier? Should I have done a better job keeping my tummy warm?

I could sit and second-guess myself all damn day, but at the end of it all, I'll have the same result. I'm not pg and I need to pick my ass up and just move on. So that's what I'm going to do, starting now.

This morning I weighed myself in the basement, as I usually do. This is the same scale that read 274 back in the spring of 2005. And this morning I actually saw 208 on it. The lowest I'd seen before was 210. (the ticker in my blog is tracking my WW weight) So this has given me newfound hope that maybe, just maybe, I could get below 200 before getting pg. So I'm going to work even harder now. Of course, if I could just find the Wii Fit, it might help :)

And a friend gave me her CPEFM to try this cycle--I need to go out and get the sticks and read the booklet so I know what to do. I haven't decided yet if I want to stop temping for the month or not. I actually really enjoy seeing the temps and what they do...but temping can be a hassle on the weekends and when we're away from home.

Also going to buy some PreSeed. It's the only sperm-friendly lubricant out there. I'm not generating much CM, so I'm hoping it will help replace it. If it doesn't work this cycle, I might seriously consider discontinuing my Zyrtec D for awhile. The PreSeed is sold at a pharmacy near us, so I think I/we will drive down there sometime in the next few days to price it. If it's cheaper online, I'll just buy it online and have it shipped.

And other than that, I'm going to do my best to relax. Even though I know so many people say stupid shit like "all she had to do was relax and she got pregnant" and I know it's not really true...for my own sanity, I have to try to relax and refocus. This cycle was a little crazy for me and I don't know if I want to experience one like this again!