This Morning

Written 8/17/11

This morning after The Hubby's alarm went off I went back to sleep and had a dream.  I dreamed that I was running all over my parents' house (that didn't look like my parents' house), looking for some pregnancy tests that I'd hidden.  I thought I'd hidden them in the sleeve of a coat that was hanging in the coat closet and went to the closet and the coat was gone.  I ran around a bit more, looking for the tests and finally found them on the floor in a pile (I had boxes of 50 or 100!) with other "junk" from the coat closet that my mom had tossed out.  This means mom had seen them.  I grabbed them and started toward the bathroom, but my mom was in front of me.  I see her back start to get wet and then she starts running, something my mom never does.  She ran into my dad's arms, sobbing that she'd peed herself again.  And that's when I woke up.

Yeah, the dream was completely bizarre, but I had it in my mind that I needed to test.  I'd thought about my estimation of when I'd ovulated, if I had when I normally did (approx 8/4) and decided if I wanted to test that I should wait until at least today, which would be approximately 12 dpo.  Last time I didn't test until I was closer to being late--my period isn't due this time until Saturday and honestly, with the amount of stress I've been under, I wouldn't have been surprised if I hadn't ovulated at all or late.

I went downstairs, found a stash of cheap tests a friend had given me after she got pregnant, stowed a few in my underwear, and went back up to our bathroom, which still has a sleeve of plastic cups from when we were TTC Baby Girl.  I was moving pretty quickly--I really had to go!  I peed in the cup, dipped the stick, and sat and read a book for awhile, waiting (The Hubby was still sleeping and I didn't want to disturb him, especially since I was confident it would be negative).  After 3-5 minutes, I glanced at the stick, fully prepared to see one line.

I saw two.

I immediately assumed that either 1) it was a false positive or 2) it was detecting some hormone from ovulation and I'm actually ovulating instead of pregnant.

I dipped again.

Still two lines.

And I was shocked.  Just shocked.

I finished up my pottying, dumped the pee from the cup, and went out to our bed.  The Hubby was awake and looked up at me and said he thought I was in the shower.  I turned on my bedside lamp and showed him the sticks and asked him what he saw.  He squinted.  He said, "what am I supposed to see?"  Duh, dude...  Then he said, "I see two lines."  A pause.  "What's that mean?"

Seriously, dude?  I have to spell it out for you?

"Two lines means I'm pregnant."

"Are you kidding?"

Yeah, I think it's official.  We're both in shock.

Hell, I'm still in shock.  I still don't believe it.  I've been trying to figure out what could've happened to have the test messed up.  This was our first month of "trying without trying" (where I knew we had sex within a few days of my expected ovulation, but didn't go out of our way to time it, temp, do the fertility monitor, etc.).  And it just happened?  No waiting for months?  No negative tests?  No way.

I emailed a picture of the pee sticks to the friend who had given them to me and she was as shocked as I was (she knew I was hesitant to even "try without trying", let alone actually TTC).

Physically, I'm still feeling some boob twinges.  I felt a couple sharp, short cramps a couple of days ago (implantation, I'm guessing).  I'm starting to feel a bit bloated and a bit crampy.  All of these things could technically mean AF is on her way.  Or it could mean I'm pregnant.

For now I'm proceeding as if I'm pregnant--better to behave as if I am than to take meds and drink as if I weren't.

Holy shit.  This is (possibly) happening.