Thursday, December 11, 2008

Survivor's Guilt

I know I will get all sorts of reassuring responses, but this is absolutely the way I feel...

Part of me feels guilty for being pregnant. After TTC for 8 months, I was starting to accept that we were going to have trouble TTC and had gotten myself into a group of people who were TTC, many of whom had trouble TTC. And now I'm not in it anymore and that's just weird to me. I feel guilty that I got out, that I'm pregnant, and they aren't. I love these girls and pray for them every day and hope to hear great news from them when they're reaching the end of their cycle. I want the absolute best for them and I want them to join me in the, for lack of a better word, life-after. Life after being categorized as TTC (if not trouble TTC).

Why did I get chosen when there are others who have been trying longer than DH and I did? And, in the same vein, why are there others who can get pg the first try? It just seems like it would be fairer if we all knew it would take 6 cycles to get pg and it did for everyone. But that's just not how it works. So even though I feel like I paid my pennance, I waited for longer than the "average" (whatever that means), I feel guilty for those that have been trying for longer.

4 comments:

Liz said...

Sucks that you'll never know :( I can totally understand your guilt..I've been there as I'm sure many of us have. I don't have any ways of "getting over it", but just know you're not alone in your feelings!

Sarah Dee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Hammer said...

As one still TTC I want to tell you not to feel guilty. Your plan in life was to have this baby at this time. I appreciate your genuine feelings and concern for others still in the TTC boat. You know how hard it is to be on the other side and your sensitivity is appreciated.

But with all that aside, be excited!!! This is wonderful and you deserve to enjoy every minute of it.

Natalie said...

Allison, you are so sweet to think of other girls that are ttc. You should NOT feel guilty at all. You were blessed with this baby at this time for a reason. Be excited and happy. If you don't mind keep praying for you fellow TTC friends!