35 Week Appointment

Just returned from my 35 week appointment. Stats:


BP: 92/69 (which is ridiculously low for me)
My HR: fine
Baby's HR: 130-140 (good)
Weight: +3.0 lbs. (over the last two weeks--doctor didn't say anything...bothered me a bit, though)
Dilation: None (but geez was that sort of painful!)



Baby is still breech with her head in the same place it's been for at least 7 weeks, just above my belly button. Butt down, but not engaged in the pelvis. Legs are in the pike position (technically called Frank Breech):


The doctor did an u/s to get a good look at her positioning and confirmed baby's position, then we talked about options. Doctor says that most women just opt for a C-section because of the convenience, but I still have this internal drive to try all I can to have a vaginal delivery. We talked about the risks and the benefits of an external version and she told me that we're looking at a 50% chance of success. The main risk is placental abruption, but from what she said and what I've read, it's a relatively low risk. It can be a fairly painful (or "uncomfortable", from what the doctor said) procedure for mom and will be done with no drugs except something to relax the uterus. For the first time, I'm scared, but I do believe this is the best thing for us. We agreed to schedule the version for sometime around 37 weeks, which will fall sometime (probably) the week of July 15th. She or her nurse will be calling sometime today to get it scheduled.

After our discussion and the u/s, I told the doctor about my feelings of responsibility for the baby being breech. She did try to reassure me that this isn't at all my fault and that if this is the worst that happens in this pregnancy, we're doing really well. She also made the joke that DH and I have shared and I've heard from other people--just baby telling you who is really in charge. I know all of this in my head--it's just hard to get my heart to understand and accept it. I've gotten lots of consoling advice and comments, and while I appreciate the sentiment behind them, they are a bit frustrating. Most of them are from friends who have delivered vaginally and never had to decide whether to try to get baby to turn. And even those who did have a C-section just haven't been inside my head and my heart, so it's hard for them to understand where I'm coming from. I struggled so much with feeling like something was seriously wrong with me while we were TTC and have always had "body issues" that it's hard not to think that baby is breech because of something wrong with my body (which could prove to be true yet). And so I still want to try to get her where she should be so I can deliver her the way God intended.

Enter my faith and how this plays into all of this... Do I have faith that God has a plan and not go with the medical intervention? Or do I believe that God put medical procedures here and gave these doctors this knowledge for a reason? This is a struggle I've dealt with for a long time--how much intervention is okay and how much do we just put completely in the hands of God? In the past, they would've had me deliver the baby facing the way she is, risking both of our lives. The version is actually an advance in medical expertise. Either way, I'm trying to have the faith that God will take care of both of us and get the baby into this world safely, whether that's by C-section or vaginally.