Monday, June 8, 2009

Complete Ball of Stress

I have no idea what's wrong with me, but I just cannot de-stress right now. I consistently feel on the verge of a breakdown. I guess I'm stressed about work and getting everything done in time around there and then also everything baby-related weighing down on me. It sounds ridiculous when I think about it--I should be relaxing as much as possible, but all I keep thinking about is her being breech, how delivery is going to happen, what my body is doing...and all the things that need done around the house over the next 8 weeks.

Eight weeks. It just keeps ringing in my head. I can't believe that's all the time we have left to prepare for this baby. And in eight weeks we're going to be responsible for this little life for the rest of our lives.

I'm weepy. It might be the hormones or it might be the stress, but over the last week, I've found myself crying a lot. At least it doesn't seem to be at nothing. For instance, we watched a movie yesterday and I sobbed through the last 15 minutes of it and then still for the next 45 minutes or so. I also woke up sobbing after a bad dream around 5:00 this morning. I can still feel the effects of that.

Speaking of dreams, I had 3 strange ones last night. The first was that I got tired of waiting for Baby to turn head-down, so I took matters into my own hands and turned her from the outside. The second she got head down, though, she fell out. And then DH decided to name her Faith, which isn't a name we've ever talked about. Weird.

Then the next was that my dad died. Awful. There were lots of weird things in the dream, but the worst was just waking up sobbing with tears streaming down my face.

The last one was just odd. Hanging out with people I knew from college and one of them cut my hair accidentally. That was about the extent of it.

I guess I'm officially pregnant if I'm having these crazy dreams, right? lol

I can't say life is all tears, though. DH and I were singing to the baby (we do this nightly) and we started singing Old MacDonald (a new addition to our repertoire). We had made it through chickens and pigs and were singing about cows. DH was in charge of the animal decisions and noises, while I sang the content. Anyway, he did something, I responded, we laughed....and laughed....I think we were both crying for about 10 minutes from laughing so hard. It was fabulous. No one can EVER say we don't have fun together.

I guess the purpose of this post is just to say that I'm a total ball of emotions. I'm a mess...but more overcome with stress than anything else right now and, honestly, not handling it well. I can't focus on much of anything but this baby--I'm going to be terribly useless for the next 2 months, I have a feeling.

4 comments:

Liz said...

The pregnancy emotions are crazy in the third tri! And the dreams don't help it, either. I totally feel for you. I know it's hard to relax, but just know there's a lot of things you can do AFTER the baby gets here. You don't have to worry about getting everything done ahead of time. As long as you have a bed (you already do), food (you will once your milk comes in!), and clean diapers, she'll be good :)

Danica said...

HUGS!

Mrs. Hammer said...

Ok "official" dream interpretor :) on the scene and I think your going to be ok.

Your dream about the baby's delivery and being called "Faith" was telling you to have faith that the baby will not be breeched because your body will take care of it and your delivery will be fine, just have "faith" :)

Your dad dying was just to say that he will go from being your dad to a grandpa - no tears dear.

And the hair cutting dream was just to say don't try to regain your youth post baby by getting a crazy hair cut - it's alway a bad idea post a stressful situation. ALWAYS.

(I really have NO idea if any of those interpretations are valid but thought you'd get a kick turning them around to be ok things - and maybe it would make you feel better)

And the next time things get stressful just start singing Old McDonald and see if that won't bring you back to those simple but important things that really matter. (Just don't do it out loud, people might think you're nuts)

crrv said...

BREATHE.
Everything will be ok. I promise.