Friday, September 26, 2008

Picking up the pieces and moving on

Yesterday was really rough. Lots and lots of crying. Felt absolutely defeated. Felt like giving up.

I think it roots from me looking to 6 cycles of trying as some sort of a deadline. As if after 6 cycles there's something different. I also knew if it took 6 cycles I would be talking to my doctor. So now here we are. 6 cycles down....who knows how many to go.


So now we're just working on formulating a plan for next cycle. Do we try the Fertile CM stuff that one of the commenters suggested? How about the Robitussin? Is the problem even in me? What if I've been doing all these things for my body only to have the "issue" actually be with DH?

Well, step #1 has been completed. I called the doctor this morning and made an appointment for next Tuesday, the day AF will probably show (either Tuesday or Wednesday...haven't figured out if 13 or 14 day LP is more prevalent for my body). I'll ask her about how to go about getting a SA for DH. I think I have probable cause for requesting one...he was born underdeveloped and it's possible that in his prematurity his sperm may not be as good quality as we would like. The other questions will be harder...I have a feeling she's going to tell me to relax about stuff. But that's really hard when I KNOW when I'm ovulating and know we have perfect timing every damn month. I'm taking supplements out the wazoo and putting freaking plastic caps over my cervix to hold the sperm in. I have NO idea how much more I can do (besides different meds, of course, and more invasive procedures).

So we move forward. We look at all the options. I'll report back what we decide. We'll definitely keep using the CBEFM, the PreSeed, temping...may increase the Vitamin B6. May start on the Robitussin. May keep up with the Green Tea. We'll see. Right now I just wish AF would come and get it over with. I know she's on her way--what's the point in waiting now?

Today will be better. And tomorrow even better than today. When do I get to get off this roller coaster?

5 comments:

Liz said...

(((hugs))) I hope your dr can give you some answers! I'll be thinking about you.

Jill said...

Coping with fertility issues is like coping with death. There are steps and you can clearly see where you are by your current emotional state:

1. Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
2. Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
3. Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
4. Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
5. Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what has happened.”

All of these steps suck. I've been through them all... Finally I'm to the stage where I've accepted it and I'm being proactive by putting it in ORM's hands.

Hopefully the doctor will be proactive in helping you but sometimes they just want to wait for that dreaded 16 to 18 month mark.

Sarah Dee said...

I keep hoping and praying for you.

Melissa said...

((HUGS)) I really hope your doctor has some answers/advice for you!!

Erin said...

I've just recently begun reading you blog, but I wanted you to know that my heart and prayers go out to you! I've loved reading your honesty and emotions in your posts and have really found hope and inspiration in your story.

ps: I know I'm new to your blog, but I tagged you on mine.