Anovulatory, part 2

I'm sad. Yes, having an anovulatory cycle happens to everyone, whether they realize it or not. But when you're TTC. No, wait. When you're been TTC for 8 months, every month counts. This feels like a waste of a month. A waste of time spent waiting for O, waiting for that small window of availability to conceive a child. And when there is no window, it feels like you're waiting for nothing. And I feel lost right now, knowing that if I don't O, there's no chance for us this cycle. And that sucks.

Of course I do know I could just O late. But my week last week was horrible and stressful and I am sure it impeded my Oing, but who is to say that next week won't be horrible? And every week after that? We're getting into the busy season at work and that means more and more stress. Whether I want it to impact my life outside of work or not, it is, because it's impacting my body. So what do I do? How do I relax? I thought my evenings were pretty relaxing. I had volunteering, had a taste test, did some shopping, hung out with DH...spent my evenings doing things that I wanted to do. But apparently those 9 hours during the day where I'm at work just took over and impacted my life more than any amount of evening relaxing can repair.

This feels lot like getting a BFN at 9dpo. I allow myself to get sad about it, even though I know it's probably too early to really know for sure, thinking that, by getting sad now, I'm somehow protecting myself from when AF will start. But it never works. I still get my hopes up as AF approaches that maybe she just won't show. So here I am, getting myself all worked up and sad about not ovulating this cycle, when it could still happen. And as I allow myself to get sad right now, I'm hoping this will protect me when I realize that ovulation really isn't coming this cycle...but it won't work. So I'm going to try to pick myself up and keep hoping for ovulation, even if it's late, because I have to. If I don't, I'll just make my life even more miserable.