Progress

Apparently my mind is making progress. I was starting to think I'd be in this rut forever.

As far as TTC is concerned, I had quite the breakthrough last week. I think I've finally realized that I CANNOT control everything. Really. No, REALLY. Yes, there are things that I can do to improve our chances, but if that sperm doesn't meet the egg, there's no way we can conceive. And I CAN'T control whether that happens.

My trying to control everything and give us the best shot possible to conceive has begun to become a drain on my sanity. And I can't allow that to happen any longer. So I'm not. Yes, I'll still chart and use the CBEFM, but if I forget to take a supplement, I'm not going to beat myself up. And if I want to do strenuous exercise during the 2ww, I will. I can't keep avoiding exercise and alcohol and ibuprofen and still live my life. I will continue to take my vitamins and the supplements to aid my CM production. If I take the B6, great, but if not, it will be okay.

So I'm happy about where my mind is at with that. For now. I realize I've had this revelation before...but I keep trying to return to it and I think I've found a good place now. Heck, I'm 6 DPO and haven't really thought about it much at all.

Yesterday was also a breakthrough for my weight loss. I went to JCPenney b/c they were having a great sale and I had a coupon (and you all know how much I love a deal!). There was a sweater I had seen previously that I wanted to get and I discovered a lot of clearance deals as well. I gathered about 15 items and made my way to the dressing room. I tried on quite a bit of things...but almost everything was too big! Woohoo! I was horribly nervous to shop in the Misses section, but apparently I didn't need to be. I'm officially in 14s, even in pants! Woohoo! So I got two pairs of dress pants, a button-up dress shirt, and the sweater for $40.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, before yesterday, I apparently thought I was a bit bigger than I am. And I'm finally realizing that this really is happening--I really am getting smaller. I still feel like a cow next to these silly college students prancing around, but find that some things are SO much easier now, including finding clothes :) I still visited the Women's section, but couldn't find anything to wear. 1X shirts are way too big and even regular XL are getting to be too big. Wow. I don't remember the last time I wore a Large or a 14. Heck, I even tried on a pair of jeans in 12 and they were darn close to fitting! They buttoned, but the thighs were a bit tight.

I'm in a good place right now :)