Wednesday, February 24, 2010

My Pump

Meet Ameda:

Over the last 4 months, we've gotten pretty close. We spend about three hours together every weekday and have been through a lot together. Of course, when I first got her, I had to upgrade to a newer model...the original version just wasn't cutting it. Just this week, I had to get a new accessory for her--apparently she needs to get something new and shiny every once in awhile or she'll revolt. Isn't that just like a woman?
Ameda has provided me with the ability to still provide only breastmilk for baby girl. She's not had to have an ounce of formula. Wow. Thanks, old girl. I suppose I'll keep you around for awhile longer.
I have considered putting old Ameda out to pasture, though. I've grown to...I hate to admit it...resent her. I resent having to pull my curtain closed, secluding myself from my workplace, for hours at a time. I resent needing to expose myself in my desk chair, contorting my bewbies into these horns. I resent being milked.
I've never been much of a thrill-seeker, but each time I hook up with Ameda, there's a sense of danger. Will someone catch us? And by catch us, I mean, will some IDIOT decide that the curtain that's hanging across the entrance to my cubicle isn't there for privacy, but, rather, for decoration? The biggest problem? Men. I've had two men invade my privacy--one pushed the curtain aside to come in (and still didn't understand that I DID NOT want my trash emptied today) and the other just peered over the cubicle wall. Oh, how we did laugh, Ameda and I. On top of those two, I've had two other men that I don't know very well talking to me through the curtain. Do you think I want to have a conversation with you while I'm on a date with Ameda? I work in a computer-based position--just email me. I promise I'll respond. Even when I'm in the middle of the date, I'm connected (may be rude to Ameda, but she's gotten used to it).
Thank you, Miss Ameda, for a great four months together. I'm starting to think about some sort of a contractual agreement, though, that if you keep doing your job, I'll stay faithful. How about it?

1 comment:

Cassie said...

As a failed BF-er, I cannot relate, but I DO think this post is very clever. Oh that silly Ameda.