Monday, March 1, 2010

Number 2

This morning I was quickly reminded of a situation (? problem?) I've been a part of for as long as I can remember. I've always been Number 2 (at least).

Let's go back to 1992. I was in middle school. I had a best friend from elementary school, Shelley. Over the summer, I met Lisa, who lived across the street. We became fast friends and I introduced her to Shelley. The three of us hung out a lot. But soon I realized that Lisa and Shelley were hanging out more on their own, without me. They grew closer as I grew further apart from them. By the time we started high school, they were each other's Number 1.

Enter a different Lisa, who I met before ninth grade--1994. We were in band together. She became my best friend. But I was still her Number 2. She had had a best friend since childhood. We were all friends...but I was Number 2 and was never allowed to forget it.

Next we come to 1998, when I started college. I made a great friend. She, of course, still had her BFF from high school--no problem. She was still my best friend and, I thought I was hers, at least at college. But then she met my roommate. And she and my roommate moved in together and SHE became her Number 1. I was demoted to Number 2. Again.

I've had few others that I've considered promoting to my Number 1, but they always developed (or already had) their own Number 1. So I just don't have one. And I'm generally okay with that because my husband is really my best friend. HE is my Number 1 and I am his. And all is well. I am okay with having some really close girlfriends and not one best friend most of the time. I've made my husband and my daughter my priority and I don't know if I have the time or energy right now to maintain a BEST friendship. There are days, though, when people talk about their BFFs and I feel like I'm missing something.

Why was I reminded of this this morning? Well, I have a friend at work--my closest. We do a lot together--walk to get lunch, chat about our kids, chat about work. I enjoy my time with her. She's my Work Number 1. This morning, though, one of our coworkers returned from maternity leave. And I've been demoted to Number 3. The other three (my closest coworker, the one returning from leave, and another coworker) are currently eating lunch together. Was I invited? Of course not. They have long, chatty conversations that don't involve me. I would've been involved just Friday, but now that there's a better option? I'm demoted.

I'm tired of being Number 2. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough. I'm tired of this being a theme in my life.


Stephanie said...

i completely have the same problem. i tell DH all the time that i must have a friend time limit. seems like every 2 years, a friend gets "tired" of me and moves on to new friends.

i too feel like there must be some girl world i'm missing out on, but i try to be positive and remember that not everyone has such a wonderful DH. you are so lucky to have DH, but you already knew that :)

Danica said...


I know how you feel. I found my BFF 15 years ago and sometimes I find myself in the number 2 spot but I have to remind myself that we don't 100% have the same things in common any longer. But we both work at it and we both make it a point to make our relationship a priority too...just as we do our kids (well her kids) and our SO.

I'm so glad you have your DH though.

Sometimes friendship can be so challenging!!!

Mandy said...

That's really rude of your co-workers, especially since you are normally all friends.

But I have to admit, I am so mommy-focused that I thought for sure this post was going to be about poo when I saw the title. Sad, huh?

Cassie said...

Mandy thought it was going to be about poo, I thought it was going to be about BABY number 2! ;)

Seriously, though, I'm sorry. That sucks. Big hugs!