Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Mommy/Daddy Relationship: Talk to me

I have a lot of feelings and things to say on this topic, but I'm curious, first, to see what you think.

How has your relationship with your husband changed since having kids?
How has it stayed the same?
What do you do to stay connected?

I'm not even talking about the physical relationship today (that's a whole 'nother blog post), but, rather, the emotional connection.  My husband is (was?) my best friend, but lately it doesn't feel like we talk at all.  I don't know if it's the kid or his work or a combination.

But I want to hear from YOU.


Danica said...

Obviously I have no input here...just wanted to say I'm thinking about you!

Cassie said...

Okay, you ready for a blog post in your comments? Here goes:

My relationship with my husband has changed immensely since having kids -- especially since we had our second. It seems like we never really get any time together to talk about anything that doesn't revolve around them. He works third shift and sleeps until the boys and I get home, and then the entire evening is spent making dinner and eating and cleaning up after dinner and maybe taking a walk with the kids and then getting them bathed and pajama'd and getting stories read and songs sung and bottles fed and WOW. I'm exhausting myself just writing this, let alone living it every day. My point is, we are so much about THEM right now. Sometimes I feel like we barely talk to each other, and it makes me really sad. We try to go out together by ourselves at least once a month, and that helps, but I just wish we had more time together. We used to lay on the couch in the evenings and cuddle and watch TV together, and now we're lucky if we can get in one DVR'd episode of The Office before someone starts crying or needs us. The times we are together though, by ourselves and away from the kids, are wonderful. I know all this craziness will go away as the boys get older, but right now it seems like we're both just trying to survive each day. I wouldn't trade a minute of our life together now, and I know we still love each other like crazy, but sometimes I wish we could have just a little more time together to reconnect.

Trisha R Jackson said...

DH and I have to talk about everyday life MUCH more often. Our world centers around Delaney so we focus our attention there. After she goes to bed, we pick one thing to do together and talk about 1 thing that needs to get off our plates (could be the laundry if nothing else...)

How as it stayed the same? Our tendencies to be forgetful, not do certain chores, etc. have stayed the same. We still get frustrated by each other's quirks but it's shorter lived since we have little time to argue about it anymore (and refuse to do so in front of her).

We do lots of family things to stay connected. We text - a lot. We make sure to hold hands in the car and kiss in front of DD. We just try to be as open and forgiving of short-comings, more often

Andrea said...

Ditto everything Cassie said. It wasn't so bad with the first baby once we got into a routine. And especially when she got older and easier to take care of. When she went to bed, we tried to spend some quality time together. But now with two, forget it. I think monthly date nights are great. Sometimes we end up talking about the kids, but we try not to and pretend we are on a date like years ago without kids and responsibilities.