The Waiting Game

When I was TTC, it felt like I was always waiting. Waiting for my fertile time, in the "two week wait". And it drove me batty.

Yet here I am, again, waiting. I should be enjoying every second of being pregnant. I am, but I have to admit that it still doesn't feel real. So I wait for it to feel real.

I'm waiting to have an actual baby bump and not just feel fat. I'm waiting for that first movement. Then I'm waiting for 21 weeks so we can find out what we're having (we have nursery ideas for both genders...so no painting or buying or registering until then). At some point I'm sure I'll be waiting to be able to feel movement from the outside. And then at some point I'll look back and think that my pregnancy went too quickly.

I know I need to take time to enjoy this. To enjoy the knowledge that there's a little human inside me, growing. So I'll try. I know I won't be able to get this time back and will wish for the days when I could still wear my pre-pregnancy jeans (like I am today) and wish for the days when I don't wake up every night to pee and wish for the days where I can function like a fairly normal human being. So I'll try to take it all in and relish these days, as I'm sure they'll soon be gone.

Small Things Day 28

1) A snow day home with my hubby!
2) DH being overprotective of me. It's annoying sometimes, but it's so sweet.
3) Comfort foods--eggs & turkey bacon for breakfast, sausage gravy for lunch, and sloppy joes and pierogies for dinner!
4) Having power--there are a lot of people out there who don't!
5) Taking a shower just to put sweats back on

Small Things Day 27

1) Hearing baby's heartbeat!
2) Having family members call to check on how our doctor's appointment went
3) Meals made with "Cream of" soups
4) Getting off work at 4 p.m. (yes, it means I'm driving in earlier, which isn't the best, but the fact that we left today at 4 meant we bypassed a lot of traffic)
5) Having DH email me to tell me how amazing it was to watch my face when we heard baby's heartbeat. He really can be sweet :)

Small Things Day 26

1) Cheap grocery store trips!
2) A new guilty pleasure (Intervention)
3) Sports radio
4) Bendy straws
5) My rice steamer

Doctor Appt Update

Just got in from the appointment and all is well! The doctor said all of my bloodwork and everything was perfect and we heard the baby's heartbeat really quickly. It was such a beautiful sound.

Of course, I've gained 5 pounds in the last month....so maybe I need to watch what I'm eating a teeny bit better, but I've been trying very hard to just eat when I'm hungry and to listen to my body. After trying to lose weight for so long, it's hard to find a happy medium. I did learn a lot from my weight loss, though, and have been doing great eating higher fiber foods (when I'm feeling daring...) and fruits and veggies. I may just be spluring a bit too often now ;)

I'm not going to worry too much about it, though. If I gain another 5 pounds by next appt, then I might take more action, but I assume the gain will level out. And if not, oh well--I've gotta keep baby fed, right?

You have no idea how relieved I am having heard that heartbeat again. Sure, we heard the h/b around 9 weeks, but hearing it now, knowing I'm in the second trimester...it's all incredibly real now. I really can relax.

Can't Stop Eating...

I know I've waited for a long time for an excuse to NOT care about how much I eat, but I still worry about getting scolded for gaining too much weight too quickly (I was only told to gain 10-15 pounds over the course of this pregnancy). So now I'm paranoid. But I'm also HUNGRY. And I KNOW I need to feed the baby if I'm hungry, so I do, but it still makes me feel guilty. I feel ESPECIALLY guilty when I'm eating things like egg rolls, crab rangoons, and sweet & sour chicken. lol But at least dessert was a Smart Ones! I'm trying here--really I am--but I just can't stop eating right now. It's to the point where I don't think I should be the one going to the grocery because we're spending WAY too much b/c I end up walking out with $20 in impulse buys. With a list.

I try sticking to the list, but then those Doritos are calling my name. And then there's the gummy fruit slices that I've been craving ALL weekend. And I want some more cheesy dip, so we'd better get some of that. By the time we get to the checkout I've got over $100 in groceries, which is a lot of money for us to spend at the grocery. But we're going to venture to the grocery again today because I'm out of produce and need to get in my fruits and veggies...wish me luck not eating the entire place!

Small Things Day 21

1) Letting DH sleep in. May not sound like a blessing for me, but I always feel bad that I can typically sleep longer than he can--I love letting him sleep in on the weekends.
2) Sunday paper. I love my coupons and ads and everything that comes with it!
3) Fast delivery of a picture we ordered. Love Shutterfly!!!
4) Goldfish graham crackers
5) Swagbucks. It's a site where you can go and run searches and possibly earn "swagbucks" for them. You can then buy GCs with the swagbucks. If you want to sign up, sign up here-->Referral Link

Small Things Day 20

1) Kashi bars in my purse (see 2 blog posts ago)
2) Friendly people at the Sears.com help lines.
3) The internet so I can do research about different lines of electronics and find good deals
4) Salad bars--I love them!
5) Hair-stroking. One of my favorite feelings!

Small Things Day 19

1) Good deals at Kohl's. Couldn't find maternity clothes I liked, but found a 3-pack of trouser socks for $0.90. I bought 6 of them, used my $5 off coupon and got 18 pairs of trouser socks for $0.48!
2) Leftover TimBits. Mmmmm....*drool*
3) V8 Fusion (I don't remember if I used this one already or not). It tastes like fruit juice, but gets me some veggies--love this stuff!!!
4) Flowers. I normally tell DH not to waste money on flowers since they always die, but my mom got me roses last Sunday and they still look nice today, then a friend brought over some yellow carnations on Thursday night! I have a beautiful bouquet :)
5) Long ice scraper and brush--no more using those teeny little scrapers!

Scary day yesterday

I was feeling ambitious yesterday. My energy seems to have returned to an extent and I thought we could get a lot done yesterday. So we got up and got ready to leave--I wanted to go to JC.Penney to look for maternity clothes. I found out that they didn't open until 10 and we were ready to go around 9, so we stopped by the AT&T store to look at phones. Talked to a very nice salesman about their cable. Anyway, we spent about an hour in there and told him we would return before he left for the day. We got some breakfast and went to the mall. No luck on maternity clothes there, so we went to another mall (much further away) and did have some luck--I got a pair of khakis for a decent price. Once done there, we picked up some lunch and went home. We ate lunch, sat around for awhile, did some online shopping, then decided we should get back to AT&T.

Went back to AT&T and after standing there for about 45 minutes (their computer system was having problems), I started feeling panicky. The store was also really hot, so I thought if I just stepped outside, I'd be okay. I did and felt somewhat okay out there, but realized I needed to go back in. I walked back in and started feeling worse. Next thing I knew, everything started going black. I told DH "I need to sit down" and went and sat on the only seat for customers that they had. Once I sat down, I felt better. I took off my coat and DH went and got me my bottle of water from the car. I found a Kashi bar in my purse and ate that. The salesman was really, really concerned (he has a 4-year old and I had just told him that we were expecting) and had DH go get the car when I was ready. It was cute.

I felt sort of off for the rest of the day, even though I went home and ate some food, drank some more water, and just relaxed. My head feels a little cloudy this morning, but better. I just wish I knew what caused it: 1) overheating 2) low blood sugar 3) dehydration or 4) anxiety. I want to make sure I avoid it, whatever it was!!!

Small Things Days 13-18

Yes I've been a complete slacker on being grateful for the small things in life. So here's a huge list from the last week.

Day 13 (1/17)
1) Antenna still working in our office so we can watch silly TV shows while we organize
2) Online baby shopping so we can dream about our nursery
3) Our air purifier for our bedroom working! It wasn't working for awhile, but then we turned it on and it worked!
4) Taking the time to read for fun. I enjoyed the book club selection for this month (I had hoped I would since I picked it).
5) Shredded pork in the crockpot and being home all day to smell it cooking. Just a pork tenderloin with a bottle of Montgomery Inn BBQ sauce. Yum!

Day 14 (1/18)
1) A great burger from Red Robin.
2) Pink roses from my mom
3) Having my parents only an hour away, making it really easy to have them visit or us go to them, even just for dinner.
4) Nivea lip balm
5) My Coke Rewards--input codes from the Coke we already drink and get coupons to buy more Coke!

Day 15 (1/19)
1) Martin Luther King Jr.--I have no idea where my family (or even I) would be without a man like this standing up for Civil Rights throughout the country.
2) Holidays from work (and sleeping in a bit)
3) One stop shopping (did our grocery shopping at Wal.mart and also got stuff for the house)
4) Memory foam--pillow, mattress...mmmm
5) Anti-allergenic laundry soap

Day 16 (1/20)
1) The Biggest Loser
2) A new president who brings hope to this country
3) Online streaming of the inauguration so I could hide out at my desk watching it
4) Paper calendars--love having one in our house with birthdays of friends and family
5) Crystal Light. I'm so tired of drinking water all day every day!

Day 17 (1/21)
1) Getting straight with the library (I had a book that I checked out before my WEDDING in 2006). I paid my $15 or so and was able to check books out again!
2) The lounge in Lincoln Tower. DH ran really late from work and the car was low on gas, I didn't want to sit with it running for too long. I turned off the car, but it got really cold in there really quickly. I was so happy to find somewhere to sit and read!
3) Email. I hate dealing with work stuff over the phone b/c 1) it doesn't allow me to have a written record of what was requested and 2) it allows me to prioritize and doesn't demand my attention at that moment.
4) The season premiere of Lost. DH adores this show and sometimes I feel like we only watch what I want to. This is HIS thing. I watch with him, but have to admit that I fell asleep on the couch around 9:20. I don't think he minded because I ask too many questions and that means he gets to watch it again!
5) Tootsie Rolls, especially the flavored ones!

Day 18 (1/22)
1) Online banking. I'm paranoid about money, so I monitor our banking all the time. DH hates it when I call him and say "went to Chipotle for lunch, did you?" lol Of course it's not a judgment, it's just funny that I can see it just minutes after he checks out.
2) Slick Deals. My favorite site for finding great deals. It's where I learned about the Ann Taylor sale that got my maternity pants. It's where I find all sorts of deals on Wii things and TVs.
3) Swiffer Wet Jet for getting my floors pretty darn clean without having to scrub and bend over!
4) Spritz cookies and my fabulous friend Laura. :) Mmmmm....
5) This last one isn't such a small thing. It's my book club. More specifically, it's this great group of women that I've met online over the past 4 years (since I started planning my wedding!). All of our lives are intertwined in lots and lots of ways and I have made many, many friendships along the way. Even though there is always going to be some amount of bickering throughout the group (understandable whenever there is a large group of women), I feel like we all band together when someone is going through something awful. These women have brought out the best in me (most of the time)--I try my hardest to be a giving, loving person and really love doing so for these women. I love you girls!

Losing Weight

So apparently the bloat is gone and any bump I have is because of my uterus starting to poke out. The scale is showing the same thing--I'm back down not much above my pre-pg weight now. This also means I'm below the weight I was at my 9 week doctor's appt, so that's good :) I'm definitely not actively trying to lose weight, though! I've been eating pretty much anything I want, but at least now most normal things sound good to me (meaning I'm not having a dinner of bagel w/cream cheese and pop tarts....yet). I've been eating fruits and veggies during the day a lot, so I think that helps as well. I was still scared to hop on the scale, but was just curious (it's weird to go from weighing yourself multiple times a day (yes, I was my own science experiment--I loved seeing my weight fluctuations throughout the day) to maybe once a week). And it's really hard to allow myself to eat what sounds good, but not go overboard. I don't want to gain 75 pounds during this pg.

So yeah...I've lost a bit of weight. Creepy. But good. Definitely good.

Historic

What an historic day! I love the hope that is resonating through our country right now. Hope of the future. I am proud to be bringing a child into this world being run by this man. I can't wait to tell my child about watching the inauguration of the first black President of the United States. I don't think my ancestors would have ever imagined someone who looks like them RUNNING this country.

God Bless America!

We Made It!

Twelve weeks today and I'm feeling pretty darn relieved. No, it doesn't take away all my worries (for all I know, something could have happened between my last doctor's appt and now or something could still happen), but this was definitely a milestone I've been aiming towards since day one. And here we are.

Now just one week and one day until our next doctor's appt and a real confirmation that baby is still okay.

As for symptoms... The nausea and food aversions are pretty much gone. I've still got a consistent runny nose (I call it old lady nose b/c I've always got a tissue dabbing at my nose). I still feel pulling in my tummy. My tummy is definitely getting a bit larger--it seems the bloat has turned into my uterus starting to poke out. I'm still pretty tired a lot of the time, but not quite as bad as before. Making a baby is hard work!

But wow....TWELVE WEEKS!!!!!!

Small Things, Day 12

1) Borders online book reservation system--made shopping even easier!
2) Pepperidge Farm outlet store--mmm...Goldfish...
3) Taking time out to read for ME
4) Wireless internet--means I can surf on the couch
5) Fried chicken sushi rolls...since I'm not real big on fish, I LOVE this stuff. Got it yesterday from Bento-Go-Go on campus. Yummy!!!

Small Things, Day 11

1) The people I interact with while volunteering--so many of them are wonderfully appreciative people and are a blessing when I interact with them.

2) Underwires

3) My DH's HS show choir sweatshirt. I've been living in it in the evenings.

4) Mr. Mistys from Dairy Queen, although they're called something else now.

5) Lean Cuisine pizzas, although I wish there was more... :)

Small Things, Day 10

On a day that saw a lot of stress and frustration with bad weather and bad drivers, I struggled a bit to find the grace in all of it.

1) My new-ish car with newer tires and decent brakes. True, it's officially almost 5 years old now, but it still drives pretty darn well and did a great job of getting us home in one piece yesterday!

2) Those ODOT plow and salt truck drivers. Even though my drive to work this morning was still over double the normal length, it probably could have been much worse had they not been out all night doing their jobs.

3) The snow-blower we got last year for Christmas. DH would have been outside for MUCH longer last night if we didn't have it!

4) Frozen pizzas. The most convenient, yummy dinner option. :)

5) My newfound friendship with my mom. We've been chatting more on the phone and emailing more than before. I love being able to share this time in my life with her--I was pretty apprehensive about it originally, but I'm so happy how excited she is!

Small Things, Day 9

1) Japanese steak houses--DH and I went out for a dinner together last night and it was SO nice!
2) BOGO coupons (see #1!) :)
3) My ginormous water jug that I carry around. There's no way I'd get enough water daily without it (I still am not sure I do....)
4) Microwave cake. Made another chocolate cake in the microwave--exchanged the oil for applesauce and nuked it for 9 1/2 minutes (I have a wussy microwave--try 9 minutes first for yours!). Yum!!!
5) Season premieres of Biggest Loser AND AI! Going to be a busy night with our DVR tonight!

Small Things, Day 8

1) Going to bed early
2) Conditioner--makes my crazy-dry hair much smoother and softer
3) Ouchless Hair bands--I have left my hair down one time in the last month or so...I'm so lazy!
4) Peeps! My favorite sugary snack--had some ghosts while we did the organizing
5) Mindless TV (another that might get repeated)--I love being able to just turn off the brain and watch TV

Small Things, Day 7

1) Old friends. Sometimes it's comforting to be around people who knew you "back when"
2) Comfort food (this might be repeated): we had kielbasa, cabbage, and potatoes for dinner that night...mmmm
3) Parents who want to see us: My parents called and asked if we wanted to come to dinner. Of course we weren't home, so we couldn't, but it's always great to know they want to see us and spend time with us.
4) A car with good gas mileage: I trek all over the place sometimes and love knowing that my car still gets close to 30 MPH on the highway
5) Financial security

Small Things, Day 6

1) Tortilla Chips--are there any better snacks? You can do so much with them...we had them with dinner last night, I just dipped them in French Onion dip...I LOVE cheesy dips...
2) Rocking Chairs--my grandpa made one that is in the room that will (hopefully) become the nursery. I also have the one I was rocked in in the room that will probaby become an office. They're just so cozy!
3) My big blue blanket--it doesn't really have a brand or a name. It came from Walmart and is the biggest, warmest blanket I've ever spent time under! It accompanies my almost nightly couch "naps".
4) Ibuprofen--I never knew how much I would miss it now that I can't take it!!!
5) Snow days--even if it isn't horrible outside, we're pretending like it is and enjoying the day together. We're getting some things done, but also just watching HGTV/TLC/football and hanging out, pretending like we can't go anywhere.

Small Things, Day 5

1) Wireless Internet--otherwise I'd never be online at home!
2) Pregnancy Books--I love these things!!!
3) Greeting Cards--I'm a bit of an addict...I have tons and tons of greeting cards. Now if I could remember to buy stamps, I'd be sending them all the time!
4) My new slippers--keep my feet warm, even if they don't keep my ankles warm... ;)
5) College basketball--when I can't be watching football, it's a decent substitute (although I don't think DH will agree--I'm just happy to be watching sports, he longs for football)

Small Things, Day 4

1) S'Mores Pop Tarts
2) My TWO monitors at work! It's great for when I need to have a list on one screen and work on the other or if I'm working on documentation. I love it!
3) Wrestling Meets... It made DH VERY happy to go to a wrestling meet that his coworker's sons were competing in, so we went last night. Although the bleachers were a little hard, I could tell how much he appreciated being there and it was neat to see him in his element.
4) "To the Expectant Parents" cards. We got two congratulatory cards last night from family members now that my mom is spreading the word. I love how thoughtful they are!
5) Fudge Rounds. I had no idea they could make my DH SO happy!

Fighting the Urge

I'm not sure why I'm fighting so hard, but I am...I'm not mentally ready to buy maternity clothes. My body, I think, is ready for it, but mentally I'm just not prepared. Plus I worry about if something should happen--then I have even more reminders....ugh.

Why am I so damn paranoid? I'm trying so hard to enjoy it and success most of the time. But there's just this nagging feeling that things CAN'T be this easy for me. It wasn't easy to get pg, why would it be easy to be and stay pregnant?

10 week 3 days today. We're out of the embryonic stage and into the fetal stage. That's a good sign, too.

So do I get to relax once we hit 12 weeks? Or do I wait to breathe that sigh of relief once I hit 13 weeks, officially marking the end of the 1st trimester? I just don't know. I relaxed significantly when we heard that little heartbeat. My ever-expanding midsection does seem to be a sign that baby is still in there, doing its little baby thing, but it's totally possible that something could have happened between last Tuesday and now.

I've heard people say before...you don't stop worrying until you die, so I suppose I should get used to it. I'm just making an effort not to allow this worrying to control my life (even if it doesn't seem like it!).

Grace in Small Things Day #3

1) Scrubs--LOVE this show! It's a great comedic relief from the drone of the average day.
2) Decent TP at work. I work in a public building, so it's definitely a blessing that we have better than average (read: 2-ply!) TP!
3) My new Smart Pot--a crock pot that turns to "keep warm" after a set amount of time. Since we're out of the house for at least 9 1/2 hours, most recipes call for 8 hours or less of cook time.
4) Allrecipes.com--my favorite recipe site
5) Light Twinkies--yum!

Small Things Day #2

(Yeah, I forgot yesterday, so I'll do two posts today)

1) WW Cookies & Cream Ice Cream Bars....OMG SO good!!!
2) My quesadilla maker
3) My new rice cooker (can you tell I'm thinking about food???)
4) Gel pens
5) My new Slanket (a blanket with sleeves--it looks goofy, but it really is useful! DH and I both use ours almost every night!)

Grace in Small Things, Day 1

My friend Happy Hopeful at http://bambinoclark.blogspot.com has given me the great idea of writing 365 days of greatfulness, especially in the small things. So, for the next 365 days I'll be listing 5 ways that I've experienced grace, either recently or in the past. I hope my readers will join me in this! We all need to find grace in whatever we do.

1) My Great Grandma--I am incredibly blessed to have known this remarkable woman. She was caring and thoughtful until her last day. Sadly, she passed away on Palm Sunday in 1992 at the age of 96. I was given my middle name after her and would love to pass the name along to a daughter, should we be blessed with one.

2) Football--I know it sounds silly to be grateful for football, but it has brought together a lot of people in my life! Also, if there were no football, there wouldn't be any collegiate marching bands and, therefore, there would be no "us".

3) Internet (stealing one!)--Without the internet, I would never have made some amazing people. In 2009 I'm hoping to reach out and get even closer to people and I'm SURE the internet will be my main tool!

4) Clean water--I love ice cold water and drink it all day at work and am SO glad I don't have to worry about it being contaminated or something!

5) P--Our little nickname for the baby, P is the thing I'm most grateful for right now. I just hope s/he decides s/he likes his/her home and sticks around for another 7 months!!!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! I didn't exactly see midnight last night, but I awoke and it's now 2009 :) I hope the new year brings everyone much happiness and is a year for fulfilling many dreams for all of you.