(this is a raw, painful post. if you can't handle it, read no further.)
We are in the midst of the absolute worst night I think we've ever had. Bad enough that I'm considering cancelling the party on Saturday. Bad enough that I just walked out the door with my car keys and phone and thought about not telling The Hubby where I was headed. Bad enough that I just WEEDED. (I don't weed) Bad enough that I'm burying myself in my computer.
I don't know what's wrong with this kid. I feel like a failure for not being in tune enough to her to have any idea what's going on. Friday July 9th through Thursday July 15th were perfect. Baby Girl was happy, took good naps, slept through the night... Every night since has been awful. She's fought bedtime, fought every single nap. She's screamed and screamed, been whiny all day long, been fussy. And then she'd stop and be the sweetest, most charming little lady in the world. We haven't ever dealt with anything like this for teeth, so it *could* be teeth, I suppose. She's not really messing with her ears and isn't running any fever, so I don't *think* it's a fever (but it could be).
I honestly want to leave. I hate what Baby Girl has done to my self-esteem. I hate feeling like this. And I hate feeling like I want to leave. I want to love this baby an want to be with her and still be able to see the positive through this. I have friends who say they've never been to where I am right now and it makes me jealous and makes me feel even more like I don't know what I'm doing and I'm not meant to be a mommy.
And I'm going to hit publish now. I might regret it later, but I need to get it out there.
Grilled Potato Packets
16 hours ago