Recently you've had some amazingly easy nap- and bedtimes. You've gone down without fuss and put yourself to sleep in the way I had previously only dreamed. I, of course, don't get any credit for this, as your daddy has been doing bedtime (and naptimes during the weekend if he's home) for a long time and has been getting the wrath of your stubborness.
Today, though, was a bit different. I put you down and you didn't fuss, so I left the room. About ten minutes later, I heard a thudding that I thought could be coming from upstairs or from outside, so I went upstairs to check on you, only to find you sitting in your crib, quietly playing with your GloWorm (a first--if you're wide awake in your crib, you're usually upset and ready. to. go. NOW.). You saw me peeking, so I walked in, to discover you'd pooped, so I changed you and then put you back in your crib. You fussed a bit, but not horribly, so I assumed that you'd fall asleep soon. After another ten minutes, I went to peek through the door and found you laying down, but obviously not happy--all the toys in your crib (we keep three things in there with two blankets) were all moved around. It was apparent to me that you were tired, but having a hard time settling down.
I picked you up, wrapped in your crocheted blanket, and we swayed. You snuggled in right away, wrapping your arm around my neck, laying your head on my shoulder. I could hear you were still chewing on your fingers (you'd abandoned thumb-sucking a few months ago), and every once in awhile, you'd rub your face on my shoulder, as if you were trying to get even closer.
As we swayed, I was taken back to those days that we spent every moment together, the three months of my maternity leave. Most of those days were spent snuggling, with you drifting in and out of sleep, also rubbing your face on my chest, trying to get closer. In those days, there were times that I found your sleeping on me a nuisance. There were things I wanted to get done, different ways I wanted to spend my time. But as you've started to express your independence more, I miss the days of snuggling my baby, holding you until you fall asleep.
So thank you, baby, for giving me back some of that time that I didn't appreciate. I love the feeling of the weight of your little body on mine, finding comfort being close to your mommy. I love knowing that you need me and that I usually have the ability to get you to relax and give in to your need for sleep.
I hope you can find comfort in snuggling with Mommy for forever--I know I'll always love it and cherish the time we've had (and always hope for one more snuggle).
All my love, today and always,
Grilled Potato Packets
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