Thursday, September 23, 2010

What I Want/Need

When I saw the counselor last week, she mentioned that it sounded like I'm having a hard time telling others what I want and need.  And she's right.  I find it difficult to voice my wants and needs, especially if they create a conflict with someone else's wants or needs.  Unfortunately, this leads to some unhappiness on my part, especially when I feel like I'm negatively impacting Baby Girl's well-being by not voicing my wishes (specifically, to the sitter).

Since the meeting was on Friday, I had pushed the meeting to the back of my mind throughout the weekend and it wasn't until yesterday that I revisited the discussion because I found myself thinking "I want..." and feeling defeated because I had no idea how to get what I want or need.

So I thought it might be a good exercise to write out the things that I want and need so I can have all of my thoughts in one place and can then discuss them with The Hubby.  He's always very receptive to what I have to say...if I just say it.

I Need...

...more consistent sleep
...quality time (what does this consist of?) with Baby Girl every day
...some downtime for myself each day, even if it just means surfing the web for 15 minutes

I'm having a harder time with my "wants", though, and trying to decide which of them are actually "needs"

I Want...

...quality time actually interacting with The Hubby
...a cleaning routine so our house doesn't get out of control (cleaning up after dinner, laundry, keeping Baby Girl's toys in check, cleaning bathrooms, dealing with mail and coupons...) exercise routine so I don't feel so badly about myself and so I will (hopefully) have more energy be able to watch the few shows that we have set to record each week (this list has been pared down considerably since last year!) keeping track of what needs to be done for our household create time to do the things I enjoy (which could count as my downtime for the day) like crafting and baking and dealing

And I find myself getting overwhelmed when I think about all the things I want and need and combine that with my list of all the things that other people need/want of me.  I think about how many hours I have in the day and cannot imagine finding time to do all the things I need or want. 

During the work week, I have about 4 hours from the time I get home until the time I need to go to bed to: cook dinner, eat dinner and feed Baby Girl dinner, spend a bit of time playing with Baby Girl, nurse Baby Girl, clean up from dinner while The Hubby puts her to bed, clean up toys and books, watch a bit of TV (typically done while I pump), pump for the next day, and relax.  Between the time The Hubby puts her to bed and when I start pumping, there's about 45 minutes.  That our normal routine and obviously doesn't include working out, baking or doing anything else I'd like to do that can't be done while sitting down, cleaning, or even really interacting with The Hubby.

How do you do it all?  If you can't do it all, how do you prioritize?  I'm having a hard time picking the things I can give up routinely, but find myself getting overwhelmed trying to cram everything in that little bit of time on weeknights and during the weekends (and who wants to spend their whole weekend catching up from the week with laundry & cleaning and you can't exactly only work out on the weekends...).


Janet said...

I'm going back to work next week and I'm wondering how I'm going to do it all as well. So you are definately not alone. The one thing we did while I was pregnant was to get a cleaning company to come every 2 weeks to clean the house. It has helped alot and the house seems to stay cleaner since I pick up before they come.

Liz said...

I've been trying to clean on Friday nights. I'm able to stay up later since it's not a week night and once dd goes to bed, I can bust a move. Every night, right after we put her down, I go downstairs and have been doing 30 Day Shred. It's only 20 minutes, so it's nice to get a quick workout in.

Baking and doing other cooking and such hasn't been too hard. We have an open floorplan so I can see our tv in the family room from the kitchen. So, we can start the dvr and I can bake or cook while watching it. It's an easy thing to be able multi-task with.

Hopefully some of the way I do things will help you out!

Danica said...

Well I don't have a little one at home so I'm sure that makes it harder. But I will say when Kassidy is with us during the summers it can be challenging.

What we have done is LW and I divide things up. If I cook, he cleans, if he cooks, he cleans. And of course Kassidy is at the age where she can help and we turn that into our quality time. We also would take family walks in the evenings for just 30 mins. Gets us out and away from the TV.

Like Liz I would clean on Friday nights while Kassidy and daddy were watching a movie (I can see the TV from just about every spot in my house so I wasn't missing too much) or whatever or I would get up before everyone else on Sat mornings to clean. But I didn't stress about it because honestly family time is more important that a super clean house.

Sunday nights for us are laundry night so I don't deal with it during the week.

Hang in there. You'll find something that works.

Andrea said...

Honestly, I went to working part-time. That's the only way I have time for most things. And even then I still really haven't made working-out a priority. And my house isn't as clean as I would like it either (although I'm sure it's better than if I was working full-time). It's give and take. If I spend more time with my kids, then the house goes to crap. The only time I can really get things done is sitting them in front of the TV, which I hate doing. So I guess I'm not really helping much, but hopefully it helps to know that you aren't alone.