Thursday, June 9, 2011

The first time I wasn't so sure I want to have a girl

When we found out we were pregnant, I was hoping so much for a girl.  I love being a girl most of the time.  I love the versatility of it--I can be athletic, get dirty, but also wear dresses and makeup.  So when we found out we were having a girl, I was relieved and excited and have really enjoyed it so far. 

Recently, though, the smallest bit of doubt entered my mind.  Can I really handle all that raising a girl entails?  How do I make sure she grows up being confident and loving herself, no matter what she looks like?  How do I help her through body image issues that have plagued me my entire life? 

You see, Baby Girl picked up my makeup brush and started to try to apply makeup to herself like she's seen me do many times.  How do I explain makeup?  How do I explain that Mommy wears it to cover up all her imperfections and to help her feel more attractive?  How do I tell her that she doesn't ever *need* makeup?  I wear it almost every day and I know that action will make a bigger impression than telling her that we don't need makeup to be beautiful. 

How do I let my actions speak to her and let her know that she's beautiful, no matter what?  How do I tell her, with my own actions, that her size doesn't matter, that she can embrace curves and love her body, no matter what size it is?  I'm not comfortable in my own skin and I fear that she'll realize that.  I'm taking steps to take care of my body, but will I ever be happy with it?  And even if I'm not, how I make sure Baby Girl loves her own body and face?

1 comment:

Cassie said...

Such tough questions -- and things I worried myself sick over both times I was pregnant before I found out I was having boys. My mom raised me to have a very positive body image; I just don't know HOW she did it. I wish she was here so I could ask her. Although I would love to have had a daughter, I think part of me is relieved I'll be able to avoid most of these particular issues (I do know that boys come with their own set of issues, however).

You're an awesome mama to Baby Girl. So far you've done such a stellar job raising her and have set such an awesome example, and I know you'll always do that. And you? Are beautiful. She'll look at you and see how beautiful her mommy is; she's not going to see all the little imperfections you see when you look in the mirror. I don't have any real answers for you, but I just want you to know that.